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Is teasing/name calling an inevitable part of school life

(13 Posts)
Litchick Thu 25-Nov-10 08:54:43

DC's prep school always fostered a culture where effort, enthusiasm and doing well was feted.
This was an accepted part of school life.

Now DD has started secondary school and has felt the cold wind of a 'cool girl' upon her.

The words nerd, geek, swot, have been used.

DD is not too bothered ( she is in fact none of those things LOL, prefering sport and drama to Latin decelnsions).

DH howver, is very annoyed and feels that this type of behaviour shouldn't be tolerated. He would like to write to the school about it to nip it in the bud.

I'm torn and just wonder whether this type of thing is inevitable and children simply have to learn to deal with it.

ohforfoxsake Thu 25-Nov-10 08:58:28

I think it is normal, its a power thing. A mild form of bullying.

I wouldn't write to the school just yet, it is an opportunity for you to teach DD how to handle this situation and stand up for herself, which, I think, is important.

Of course if it continues or gets worse then yes, consider intervening, but for now, try to help her handle it.

Its a useful lesson to learn. Not pleasant, but useful.

dinkystinky Thu 25-Nov-10 09:02:20

Sadly yes - its a rite of passage and something kids always have done and will always do. Your DD has the right attitude - rise above it and dont let it bother her.

PinkElephantsOnParade Thu 25-Nov-10 09:03:14

I think it is inevitable and the best way to deal with it is for DCs to ignore or just laugh at the perpetrators.

They will soon get fed up if they get no reaction.

If it escalates from this then it may be appropriate to speak to the school but it is always best to try to help DCs deal with this kind of thing themselves as a first resort.

DS has been having a bit of this at his prep - he is very tall and strong for his age and a group of (very skinny and weedy) boys have been calling him "chubby". He is not in the least bit overweight but it is clear this group are jealous of him and are just throwing out silly comments to try to upset him.

We have advised DS that they are just silly and he should just laugh at them and call them "skinny".

This has worked quite well and the comments have apparently lessened.

PinkElephantsOnParade Thu 25-Nov-10 09:04:01

Also, sounds like your DD is not bothered by the comments (she knows thay are not true and probably a result of jealousy) so not really an issue.

deaddei Thu 25-Nov-10 09:10:27

Get her to think of a couple of smart replies, ask the girls to repeat themselves "I'm a what? Hey, that's a good one" -sort of thing.
They'll get bored.
Agree with all the posters- if it escalates, inform the school.

mumblechum Thu 25-Nov-10 09:13:48

I think the worst thing you could do would be to write to the school over this.

ALL kids are teased at some point about something, it's just part of them shaking themselves into heirarchy/social groups.

Save your powder for something more important, eg if any actual bullying starts. If you write to the school about every little thing, then if and when something serious happens, you're not going to be taken seriously.

Litchick Thu 25-Nov-10 09:15:34

Thank you everyone.

I think DH is disappointed because it's the first time we have come across this.

Not teasing per se, I'm sure that went on at prep,but what the teasing is about ie trying your best.

Still, it is only one girl, and it doesn't seem to be having to much of an effect on DD.

Thinking about it, it may be being exacerbated by recent exams. DD will have been honest about doing revision and has done very well.

Litchick Thu 25-Nov-10 09:18:59

mumblechum - that's what I was thinking.

In seven years at prep, I think I only wrote in once, and that was about setting.

DD only started her new school in September and I don't want them to think I'm a PITA.

It's just disappointing isn't it, that children think this way? It was the same when I was at school, though on a worse level.

As DD says, you're at school, you may as well give it your all. It's not like there's anything else to do.

PinkElephantsOnParade Thu 25-Nov-10 09:22:00

It is disappointing, Litchick, but if it is only one girl then she is probably making herself look a bit ridiculous and the rest of the class are probably laughing at HER.

As long as your DD is not upset by it I would let it lie.

mumblechum Thu 25-Nov-10 09:23:00

It's also a bit surprising, given that she's at a selective school.

DS is at grammar and there's absolutely no disgrace in being a geek/nerd whatever, in fact they're more likely to be ostracised for being thick/lazy.

PinkElephantsOnParade Thu 25-Nov-10 09:27:50

mumblechum, at any school name calling can happen due to jealousy and it sounds like the girl doing the namecalling is feeling insecure due to the OPs DD doing very well at her exams.

My DD is at a selective school, at the top of the class. She has had some comments like this and she just laughs at them. She is not bothered so I would not dream of making it an issue with the school.

itchick, sounds like your DD has a great attitude and has the self confidence to ignore this. This will stand her in good stead for the future. Let her deal with it, sounds like she is more than capable.

Litchick Thu 25-Nov-10 09:40:22

DD's school is not super selective.
Yes, there's an entrance exam, but you don't need to be genius level to get in. DD certainly isn't grin.

We chose this school above a highly selective day school and a grammar school because it seemed more rounded. There is a lot more sport, drama and art, all of which DD loves.

However, perhaps naively, we expected the culture of her prep school to continue ( again not super selective).

Only one girl though, so no doubt I shouldn't overworry.

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