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Eating disorders

My dad is trying to help, but doing my head in

12 replies

TheChip · 02/02/2021 10:41

He is coming from a loving place and genuinely is just trying to help, but he doesn't understand or even try to understand my ED.

He talks to me all of the time about food. He is on a diet, and has developed an obsession with food and meal planning etc. Which is great. But he is trying to get me to apply the same plans for my eating. Because of his diet, he has upped his "encouraging" words to me lol.

I've got no issue with him talking about food or dieting. That doesn't bother me. Its him thinking that if I just done the same as him, all would be well. Which it no doubt would, only this has been an almost lifelong condition for me. So it's not something I could just change, no matter how much I wanted to.

Comments like "just put it in your mouth and move your mouth up and down. It's simple" really irritate me.
Telling me to have my breakfast, dinner, tea, supper and biscuits or chocolate with every cup of tea I have. Then gets frustrated when I say that I couldnt do that.
At the minute, I am lucky if I can get one meal in a day. He thinks it is as easy as it sounds to just have all of those meals. It's really not.

I cant remember the last time he spoke to me and it didn't involve food. I think that is what is bugging me. I understand his concern and appreciate he is only wanting to help, but I am getting frustrated.

Just needed to vent.

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CheeseHawk · 03/02/2021 23:16

Ah yes, this sounds familiar!
My dad and I were the best of friends when he wasn't trying to coax me to have a chocolate biscuit every 5 minutes or commenting on me not eating enough at meals or not believing me that i had already eaten (which, to be fair, i hadn't) or putting his head in his hands and telling me how silly i was, etc, etc.
And, like you said in the very first line of your post, i also know it was all out of love and concern, but it didn't make it any easier to deal with.
It sounds like you're having a tough time. Do you live with your dad? Have you got any proper support with your ED?

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TheChip · 03/02/2021 23:46

Its nice to know someone understands! Thank you!

No I don't live with him. I can imagine he would be like yours and trying to feed me biscuits every 5 minutes lol.
I dont have any support right now, but I am trying. The GP does not make it easy but hopefully I will get somewhere soon.

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CheeseHawk · 05/02/2021 01:31

It's hard to get the support, isn't it? It can feel like they want you to jump through hoops to get some help. You say it's been a lifelong difficulty for you. That's a long time to cope with it alone. Are you able to talk to a partner/ friend at all in the meantime?

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TheChip · 05/02/2021 09:02

Yes, it really is hard to get support from services. I have had help a lot of times to be fair since I was a young child.
It just seems impossible almost now. Obviously the whole covid thing just does not help!

I try not to talk about it with people I know as it causes my dad a lot of worry when he knows I'm struggling with it again, and others don't seem to understand. I think since I've always been small, they don't seem to see what the problem is if I drop even lower.

I have bought some fortisips to try and help get me through until I get an appointment with my GP. So hopefully I'll start improving soon

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JCBluebell · 15/02/2021 22:32

@TheChip how's it going? How are things with your dad? Did you get your fortisip drinks? Any word on getting a GP appointment? I hope you're ok.

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TheChip · 16/02/2021 11:23

Its not going too bad thank you. I had to buy some fortisips from boots. I managed to get a phone call with my GP. He sent me to get my bloods done to check my electrolytes. Still waiting for results.
Hes also referring me to a dietician since he cant prescribe fortisips but they can, along with an eating disorder clinic.

My dad has chilled out a bit knowing that I have fortisips and that I have managed to put a bit of weight on.

Hopefully I can manage my weight until the dietician because I can't afford to keep buying the fortisips. It's £10 for 4 bottles and with how low my weight is, I should have 3 a day so it costs a fair bit.
At this rate though, I dont think I will qualify for the ED clinic by the time that comes through. I think their cut off point is a BMI of 15 and I'm slowly creeping back up to that. Which is great, but a nightmare at the same time since I won't be offered their help if I reach it.

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CheeseHawk · 16/02/2021 12:35

Hi TheChip,
Very well done making all this progress! Great that you have a referral to a dietician and ED clinic and that you've put on a little weight. And also brilliant that your dad has chilled a bit.
I can't believe the cut off point is a BMI of 15!!! That's so low!!! Just heartbreaking for you to face being turned away because you've made a little progress. I have seen this happen with friends in the past and it's soooo unfair and wrong. I'm so sorry you're not finding it easier to get help. I really hope you get to the clinic very soon and they do give you some support.
You're very brave facing up to this and trying to make changes for yourself and your dad.

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TheChip · 16/02/2021 13:30

Thanks a lot @CheeseHawk
I know! The clinics are so difficult. You'd think it would be easier to look at prevention rather than intervention. There seems to be roadblocks all over the shop to make it difficult for people to get help before it hits intervention stage. But nevermind, at least things seem to be improving!

Fingers crossed the clinic gets in touch soon.

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CheeseHawk · 16/02/2021 16:59

There's just still not enough support out there for people suffering with EDs.
Yes, you're right about prevention rather than intervention.
The thing that has helped me most to eat proper meals is sitting down to eat with my little daughter. I find it so hard to eat alone somehow, but can easily eat with my daughter because i want her to have her mum eating dinner with her. Do you find it easier to eat with others or on your own?

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TheChip · 16/02/2021 18:36

Its good that you like to eat your meals with your daughter. I like to eat with my kids, too. It's a bit harder at the minute, but when I am managing okay I try to have at least one meal with them.

Strangely, although my appetite has decreased, I have found myself wanting to explore with cooking more.

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CheeseHawk · 16/02/2021 21:21

That's good that you are interested in exploring with cooking. Maybe that will help you if you're taking the time to make things that appeal to you. Cooking for your family puts a positive slant on food.
I remember once going to a little local restaurant in Sarajevo while travelling with my brother. We ate a most delicious meal there which was so fresh and tasty. I was really struggling at the time, and was uneasy after the meal, but my brother gently said to me "can't you feel that food nourishing every cell of your body?" It kinda stuck with me and i think about those words often when i feel anxious about eating. It doesn't really work for eating junk food, but it would fit with your home cooking!

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TheChip · 17/02/2021 12:00

Your brother is right. I'm going to try and keep what he said to you in mind myself. Its true, it does make you feel good when you know you have eaten healthy stuff. Thinking of it as it nourishing your cells is a good way to think of it.

Your brother sounds super supportive. I'm glad his words helped you feel better.
Thank you @CheeseHawk