16 yr old with eating problems

[HedgeHogFoxBadger]

Hi. My 16yr old was a self harmer a couple of years ago which lasted over a year but her eating has now taken over. She hasn’t taken lunch to school/ college for months. She says she doesn’t like eating in front of people.
A couple of weeks ago she went to the welfare team at her new college and referred herself to an eating disorder clinic. We had an appointment last week, she says she hates her body and is calorie counting and keeping it under 1000 a day. Today she had an ecg and blood test. We go back to the clinic next Monday. I feel she has got worse in the past couple of days, she went to college without breakfast and lunch the other day. She eats really slowly and pushed food around her plate.
I am a single mum to 3 children and just don’t know where to turn

[HedgeHogFoxBadger]

Forgot to add she’s text her BF tonight saying she doesn’t want to get up in the mornings because she knows she’ll have to eat

[MousyArtist]

Hi HegdeHogFoxBadger, hope you are okay first, it’s not easy for parents whose children are struggling with their eating. For a bit of background, I’m anorexic and have been quite a while and while I have been in my teens too.
Your daughter sounds like she is really struggling with something. Both by self harming and the eating disorder. These things she’s doing might be to feel something or to cope with something. Anorexia is about control and fear. Fear of food although we love it and it takes up most of our conscious thoughts. Fear of weight gain and our body shape. It’s a horrible disease and if you can try and get her to open up to you about some bits of it. It’s unlikely she will tell you much but you saying to her that you are there for her will be nice for her to hear. The last thing you want to do is shout at her for not eating or that she must eat as this will probably push her away. I know that’s probably what you feel like doing sometimes but it won’t work. It’s good that she is at an eating disorders clinic, as some advice don’t let the clinic push her away by saying she doesn’t want help or she doesn’t fit the criteria, not that they should say this but it’s happened to me. It’s tricky for people without an eating disorder to understand why we behave like this. Just remember it’s not her fault she’s like this. When she doesn’t take breakfast or lunch and pushes her dinner around this is her disorder not her that’s making her do this. Anorexia is like having a little fairy stood on you shoulder telling you not to eat and how fat you are even if you’re not.
If you want more advice or help I’m happy to talk to you about it. I’m sorry I can’t help very much now x

[maslinpan]

There's a really good charity for eating disorders called Beat, and they have a helpline for carers. A lot of those volunteers will have been in your position themselves, and that would be a great place to start for you.

[HedgeHogFoxBadger]

Thank you so much for your replies.
We had our second appointment today and she’s lost 600g. They want to see her every week now.
Just finding it really hard and don’t know what to do for the best. X

[BeatCarersWorkshops1]

Hi @HedgeHogFoxBadger. Sorry to hear that your daughter is struggling at the moment. We know it can be so difficult for carers to support their loved one and sometimes not know where to turn. Depending on where you are based we can offer some free training sessions that could help you in supporting your daughter.

Please take a look at this link here for more information - www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/training-cpd/parents-carers

Also, please do contact our helpline - our advisors are here for you and your daughter 365 days a year - www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/support-services

Take care