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Falling back into bad habits.

(8 Posts)
ali84 Fri 19-Jul-19 22:03:34

I was discharged from ED services 2 weeks ago after 6 months of treatment.
I was treated for atypical anorexia. I started with a bmi of 16.5 and was discharged with a bmi of 19, a positive attitude and a glowing review.

Alongside the eating disorder, I have other ongoing MH issues (bipolar/anxiety/depression/ptsd) and have been seeing other professionals from MH services for upwards of 2 years now.

Since I've been 'going it alone' with regards to eating, I'm in a bipolar slump and I've fast fallen into bad habits. Restricting and vomiting being the main 2.
The part of me who wanted to beat this horrible disease has all but disappeared and I'm back to constantly mirror checking, weighing and generally feeling fat and disgusting.

I don't know what to do. I am still open to the ED services for another 3 months before I am fully discharged but don't fee like I can contact my therapist so soon after my last appointment, especially as I finished on such a high.

I know what I need to do to get back on track but the anorexic in me is shouting louder, I have no desire to want to eat.

I'm going to be battling this shitty disease for the rest of my life and I've already fallen at the first hurdle. sad

Any positive stories from anyone in a similar situation? Will this pass? Can you really beat this life destroying illness? Not sure I can face going back to the start, but the alternative isn't viable either.

StylishMummy Fri 19-Jul-19 22:33:46

There's absolutely no shame in reaching out for help again, it shows maturity and self awareness. I think you're an amazing person for being honest about your journey and you should be proud. Please reach out to your therapist and get the help before things get worse - best of luck

ali84 Sat 20-Jul-19 11:35:35

Thank you for taking the time to reply.

I'm feeling a tiny bit better mood wise this morning, however, I have been staring at a bowl of cereal for the last 20 minutes.
This is so bloody hard!

YeOldeTrout Sat 20-Jul-19 11:39:00

Please contact your therapist. The door is left open precisely for people like you.

Nothing to be ashamed about. You're ill. Your illness is messing with your head to make you feel like a failure. You wouldn't feel guilty if your lupus or eczema flared up again. ED is no different from other illness except it messes with your head to try to trick you into not getting help. Go get the help that's waiting for you.

ValancyRedfern Mon 29-Jul-19 10:33:27

How are you op? I do feel eds are a lifelong struggle. There's nothing to be ashamed of. Eds are evil.

Equimum Fri 09-Aug-19 12:03:04

If you haven’t already, please reach out for help again. This is such a common thing to happen and when I was in hospital for an ED, people often came back, or came in as day patients or a couple of days a week, quite soon after discharge. It is is a really difficult time and sometimes people need more support to fight the thoughts for a while.

slavetothemoney Wed 21-Aug-19 18:00:20

Things are up and down..mostly down. My husband is away for work, I've started having DBT with my new care-co and have my first session with my psychologist tomorrow. Eating has been non existent, there is just too much going on for me to even give any thought to what I'm eating (or not)
I've decided I'm going to reach out to my ED therapist when we get back off holiday in a couple of weeks. I've gone past the point of being able to pull myself out of it on my ownsad

lovemenorca Mon 26-Aug-19 19:55:10

Well done op

Are you on holiday with your husband? Will that help.... eating alongside him?

You say “atypical”? Why? Your BMI at admission was within the “typical” anorexia diagnosis

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