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Needing advice re. my sister

(3 Posts)
bellainthemiddle Mon 10-Jun-19 14:08:02

My quite-a-bit younger sister is at uni here in the UK (although in a different city to the one I live in) and I haven't seen her as much as I probably ought to have in the last few months. When I last saw her a few weeks ago, I noticed that she'd lost quite a bit of weight, but when I asked her about it she said she'd just been finding it hard to find time to cook. I emailed her some of our grandmother's easy "povera cucina" recipes, which are mostly really quick to prepare and use few and very cheap ingredients. She emailed me back a few days later and said that she had cooked for her friends and that they'd been really impressed, and asked me for some more recipes. I was kind of reassured at that point, although in hindsight, she didn't actually say that she'd eaten the food herself! I was also a bit preoccupied with DD's impending arrival and work, so I probably didn't think on it as much as I should have done.

DD arrived (early) 8 days ago and I was a bit perplexed because my sister called me up but got very agitated when I said it would be nice to see her at some point - but I put it down to exam stress and thought that maybe I'd been a bit unreasonable to ask.

However, she called me this weekend really upset, saying that she'd been to the GP because she was really worried about the way she'd been feeling about food and eating. She's been referred to an ED clinic for assessment and is being seen this week (which seems incredibly fast to me!). She has spoken to a couple of friends at uni and is desperate for me to come with her to the appointment, but DD is still in hospital and I'm worried about the travel at this point. She's adamant that she doesn't want to speak to anyone else in the family and I have said that, while I think it would be better for her to let them know, I will respect her wishes until she feels able to.

I'm really at loss for what to do and how best to support her... and I am feeling very guilty for not picking up on this. I'm afraid I've just been a bit self-absorbed what with the pregnancy and all the accompanying chaos!

Any advice would be so welcome! I just want to be supportive, but I'm not sure how best to do it.

Bluebuddha10 Mon 05-Aug-19 21:56:44

Hi. Just didn't want your post to go unanswered. It's been a few weeks since your post, hope everything's gone ok?
Just wanted to say that it was such a big step for your sister to take and very brave.
I hope she got the help and support she needed, and that you did too especially with a new baby as well. Hope everything is going ok x

Elljack Wed 07-Aug-19 16:39:03

Hi,I've just seen this post. Hope your sister is doing ok. Do I think you could have done anything at this point? Not really. Eating disorders are very secretive and the fact that she has gone to seek help quickly is excellent. Although she wanted you to go to the appointment she may find it was better to go alone as she might feel more able to tell more information to someone outside the family. I think supportive wise from what o have experienced of eating disorders is be the listening ear...just don't do the whole "just eat will you" which I'm sure you won't...there are some excellent books on amazon that might help with supporting her too x

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