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Is it too late?

(4 Posts)
itsabitshitinsidemyhead Wed 27-Feb-19 11:12:09

Is it too late for me to get some help?

I've suffered anorexia/bulimia for almost 30 years. In secret. Of course people notice in thin although not too thin to look ill, my BMI is 17.3 so I'm underweight but I've obviously managed to keep myself alive.

The thing is now I'm terrified I'm going to be found out. I've recently had lots of tests and I'm absolutely dreading a call saying the know I have an ED. I don't WANT anyone to know. I don't want anyone to take this whole part of my identity away.

I have to go and see a cardiologist next week. I don't want to go. I am too ashamed and embarrassed.

I'm a grown woman too embarrassed to go to the GP and ask for help. I don't want help, I just want to keep being me.

I have children. My children don't know but will know if not now then soon. What if they say I'm harming my children with my behaviour?

Chocolate50 Sun 01-Sep-19 09:58:44

You say people don't know but I'm sure that they might well have an inkling. Its like an elephant in the room - everyone avoids talking about it & no one wants to acknowledge it.
Can I ask though what is it that you are worried about mainly with people knowing? I get the shame & the anguish but I'm sure that people will want to help you with this. I'm thinking that you may be worried that if you didn't have this eating problem then where would all of your anxiety go?
I think maybe start with speaking to someone from a voluntary agency if you have one in your area - if not there are national organisations - try SWEDA or the eating disorder branch of AA (sorry I don't know what name they go by). That way none of it has to go on record.
Are you seeing a cardiologist fir related reasons? I only ask because if its effecting your health then you don't really have a choice but to tell the GP or someone or they might start investigating something thats unrelated if they don't know! And if it is effecting your health then you can't afford not to deal with it.
Lots of people of all ages get eating disorders please don't feel alone in it, you've struggled with it for too long on your own & you deserve some help with it.

Chocolate50 Sun 01-Sep-19 10:02:30

And I can almost guarantee that no one will blame you - dealing with it will be seen as a plus with regards to your children but its nit something that children's services are likely to get involved with. Just line up some support for them should they need it - they might need to talk to an understanding family friend or confidential counsellor-

fessmess Sun 01-Sep-19 10:27:24

It's normal to want to cling to ED, it's like a friend that's not good for us but seems to have our back. Trick is seeing it for what it really is, a little dictator that stops you feeling and living. Lots of 💐

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