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Worried about my sister

(8 Posts)
Redtartanshoes Sat 01-Dec-18 06:22:21

Ds is early 30’s and has probably had bulemia for 20 years in and off.

She recently got married and moved to another country (altkogh has always moved away from home since late teens)

I thought she had it under control/possibly even stopped but I’m staying with her for a week and have just heard her being sick/

I know she’s struggling at the moment, since moving to new country she hasn’t been able to get a job, so is relying on her wonderful husband but I think it’s totally knocked her back. She doesn’t seem to have settled into new country (Middle East) As she’s used to a lot more relaxed lifestyle and freedom.

Although I know she has eating issues I’ve never spoken to her about them; I can’t find the words and would hate to upset her even more, it’s not like she doesn’t know what she is doing, and really isn’t gonna stop because I’ve asked her too.

My mum has spoken to her many times over the years and it ends in upset and a row and her denying it; or that it’s doing her any harm.

I guess as I’m here, and due to fly back tomorrow I feel shit hearing it knowing she’s still suffering, although I kinda thought she might be with all the stress.

I feel guilty not saying anything but then would hate us to fall out or upset her or seek ungrateful for her having us to stay.

I had thought about trying to speak to her husband but don’t want to go behind her back, and realistically I’m sure he’s aware and doing everything he can. Which probably isn’t much.

Sorry for the brain dump, just don’t know who else to talk to. CertInky can’t speak to my mum as she’s struggling with depression as it is and hates her living on the other side of the world.

Birdie6 Sat 01-Dec-18 06:38:34

Just leave it alone. You won't solve anything by speaking up. She knows what she is doing and she is an adult - why would you stir up trouble or ( even worse) speak to her husband as if she is a child whose parents are going to "fix things".

I've had bulimia off and on for years - I'm not mentally ill and it's more that I like to binge sometimes and then get rid of it so I don't gain weight. It's quite possible that your sister does this too. It certainly isn't necessary for you or anyone else to confront her about it . Leave her alone . Unless she is fading away from starvation, just let it be.

ABitCrapper Sat 01-Dec-18 06:42:13

As someone in recovery from EDs I would say the best thing you could do is just reassure her that you are there for her, and will help, if she want you. Then it's up to her. Don't offer solutions (it has to come from her anyway) just listen smile

Redtartanshoes Sat 01-Dec-18 06:47:26

Birdie I totally get why you are saying and you are right in someways but it’s gone far beyond throwing up to stop herself gaining weight. She has major problems with her skin teeth and hair because of this, and I do think it’s an illness.

I know speaking to her isn’t gonna help, but all I can think of is if something happened to her and I did nothing how awful I’d feel. That might sound selfish but it would be the same if she was an alcoholic or was suffering domestic abuse or something else that could endanger her life

ABitCrapper Sat 01-Dec-18 06:51:23

Bulimia can be very serious and even fatal. But it honestly has to come from her.

ABitCrapper Sat 01-Dec-18 06:52:11

Just tell her you will be there if she asks. flowers

Redtartanshoes Sat 01-Dec-18 06:56:48

I know, and it frightens the life out of me hudtvthinking about it given we are so far away

Your right, when I leave tomorrow I’ll give her a big hug and tell her I’m here if she needs me.

I hope she finds work soon, she’s so fiercely independent, not having a job/money of her own/friends is really effecting her

Firstimemama Tue 05-Feb-19 13:57:47

Speaking of someone who had this for four years (ish) it only ever goes when you are truly happy, the weight control isn't an aim it's a control thing if that makes sense ..
Once I left my ex and was happy with my new partner, constantly making me laugh and feel great, left a dead end job and kept busy, it stopped at age 22 and I'm 27 now I've never looked back .... I never speak about it to anyone I found it humiliating .. one thing I do remember is people constantly making me feel and as though I was attention seeking or doing it on purpose but I wasn't it was like an addiction no different to drugs or alcohol and it only made it worse .. people make you feel bad = more b.e.d

Please feel free to message me

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