Eating disorders and Work

[FennyBridges]

Hi everyone. I've posted before. I am still struggling somewhat and I have come to an agreement with myself that I will eat at home.

I might eat at Cafe Nero if I'm with my family.

This means I have breakfast (today a hot cross bun and cup of tea) and then eat when I get home from work. This can be 4ish or 7ish if my sons are being ferried to clubs. I will drink tea or coffee at work and eat an apple if I feel faint or dizzy.

I am a teacher. There is a teacher in my department who notices that I do not eat. I vary where I spend lunch times so it is not obvious to any one person that I do not eat at work. But I had a headache before an evening at school a while back and she tried to convince me to eat a doughnut, and I absolutely couldn't so I compromised with a piece of fruit. On this occasion she said she noticed I was looking thin and she expressed concern. Since, she has made a few (harmless comments) like, "FennyBridges aren't you having lunch?" I suppose it happens once a week but I know she looks for me to be eating.

I wondered whether I should bring my eating disorder up with her and explain that whilst I am struggling, I am dealing with it and this means I cannot always manage eating at work. Not give any history or any cause for concern, but I am trying to deal with it by eating when I return home and before I leave for work.

I try to hit about 1000 calories a day. I am trying.

Would it be acceptable, in your opinion, to say something like that to a colleague? We are all friendly and would probably socialise if our marking load, or our own children, were easier. We care about each other. But I obviously don't want any repercussions; either professionally or with gossip.

If it helps, I think I can trust her and my bmi is not low enough to cause concern (19 something.)

Thank you.

[Yourmentalhealthmatters2017]

I struggle to each with others bar immediately family.

I eat crisps and small things I can 'control' when around others ask I don't want anyone bringing up my struggle

How ever they is always one to bring up my weight

[FennyBridges]

It's not the eating so much, or the weight. It's people's experiences of discussing their eating disorder with a friendly colleague, and whether you think the situation I described makes it necessary.

[Yourmentalhealthmatters2017]

If you feel you can trust them with some thing so personal and it will help you do it

I've not told anyone at my work as I've only been there three months

[FennyBridges]

I thought it might just help take the emphasis off whether I am deciding to eat, or not, as the case is.

[lilcolibri]

I, personally, don't think I would validate her by confirming you have an eating disorder. I wouldn't want her thinking she can "help" force you eat or that she has a right to worry.

Best wishes for you.

[Bluntness100]

This depends, are you sure you can trust her? That she won't tell others? Would you be ok if she did? An eating disorder is a mental illness. Many people can appear on your side, but ulimately not be. There is no shame in mental illness but I would say you should be sure before you start sharing your mental health issues in your work place with your colleagues,

[trickyex]

I think its a good idea to say something.
Eating disorders are often secretive and I think the more open we can all be the better.
I have anorexia and I have told people about it. Everyone has been supportive and it takes the pressure off in terms of comments about weight/eating (my bmi is low and people do comment).
Could you try to have a cup of soup at lunch?
I have messed up my blood sugar levels and have done damage to my bones which cannot be reversed so I would really encourage you to keep going with the eating and try your best not to drop below bmi of 19.
Do pm me if it would help.

[FennyBridges]

Thank you! Especially trickyex!

I don't know how I'd feel if she told any of the others, and that's a good point lilcolibri about validating what she's saying. That reminds me that I'm a people pleaser. I need to think about me, not confirming whatever suspicions she has. My reluctance is that it's a mental illness but I don't really recognise that I have one. I manage a full time teaching job, I have two boys and a marriage.... Etc etc. Surely if I had a mental illness I just wouldn't manage?!

I know how that sounds... But I would hate for any information like that to jeopardise a job I love.

What are the effects of 'messing up your blood sugar levels'?

[Bluntness100]

Op, you do have a mental illness. You must know that, right. That's what a eating disorder is. As said, it's your call whether you tell her and the risk you take with what she does with the info, how kind and nice she really is. In reality you are a teacher with a responsible position with children who is mentally unwell and cannot even eat in school due to your illness.

You are trying to deal with it, and I hope you're getting help, I wish you luck, but for something like this, for your sake, I would think carefully of all the outcomes before I tell my colleagues.

[FennyBridges]

Thanks Bluntnesd100 I do appreciate your, er, bluntness!

Can my employer do anything to me, though, if this came out? Can you tell me what you mean?

[FlyingMonkeys]

I would be inclined to state I eat breakfast before work, snack during the day, and eat a meal with my family after work. She's a colleague not necessarily a friend, and if she's making a point of monitoring if you are eating or not, it sounds like she's over invested or concerned. I don't think it's a case of you hiding your disorder as such. If she was obese would you mention her eating habits on a weekly basis? I'd imagine not.

[AnxietyForever]

I work in mental health OP and I can assure you many people whom have a mental illness also have jobs, wives/husbands/partners etc and children and manage day to day living ok. An eating disorder is a mental illness.
I don't think you should mention this to your colleague as it's very personal unless you trust this person 100%.
I hope you can find support regarding your eating disorder and hopefully overcome this.

[TheOrigBrave]

I have told some people that I have some issues with my eating, that I am getting help and that they can be a friend to me by just letting me get on with things my own way.
I found this reduced my anxiety about them watching me or judging or whatever.

[TheOrigBrave]

nb I have not told any of my colleagues or my employer. They just think I'm odd and obsessed with exercise. I have only done this job while I've had my ED ie they didn't know me before.

I did tell one of my old colleagues when we were sharing an Airbnb during a conference. Just enough to make us both feel ok.

[FennyBridges]

Thank you all. I'm not going to say anything.

I'm not receiving support right now. I had a private therapist in previous years, up to December. They know everything. But they cancelled my appointment mid January and said they'd get back to me - and haven't. I am worried they're fed up of me, think I cannot recover, think I'm ok as I'm technically not underweight, or just maybe busy with so many other clients. I haven't known what to do, to drop an email and enquire if they're back at work yet. (Needed time off.) I don't know if anyone can advise? I'm reluctant to go to the gp as my bmi is not low. It makes me feel fraudulent. I'm reluctant to send an email to my therapist, with whom I did have a good relationship. I don't know what to do except try and hit 1000 cals a day. And I am a bit distressed about it. Which I know is bizarre.

[Bluntness100]

Contact your therapist and see if they can take you, if not I'd find another one. Good luck.

The bottom line is there should be no stigma associated with mental illness, but the reality is there is, and you don't want colleagues gossiping about you. Just tell them you have a huge brekkie, or that you've already eaten some snack bars, comment you're fine as she can see by your weight.

Often colleagues are not friends and we should think long and hard before bringing our deeply private issues into thr work place.

From an employers perspective, I think there could be multiple concerns. Would you give the wrong message about food and weight to vulnerable kids. Would you be able to seek advice if you saw a young person struggling with food issues, are you mentally alert enough and do you have the energy to do your job if you're not eating properly, do you have emotional issues that can go with hunger, stressed, snappy, your mind focused elsewhere.

These things would really only be relevant if there were perfonamce related issues, and could build a bigger picture. In the meantime, seek some help 💐

[JennyOnAPlate]

I can't really help with the colleague situation but I do think you should email your therapist.

With a hot cross bun for breakfast and an evening meal, I very much doubt you are eating 1000 calories a day.

[FennyBridges]

I'm counting it on My Fitness Pal. It's surprising how many calories are in your evening meal and the odd apple and handful of almonds.

I'm concerned my therapist will think I am such a bore. Or pain. Or both. 🙄

[FennyBridges]

Thanks for the advice and support.

The thing is, if I seek help I do not know what will replace my eating disorder as a coping mechanism. I get very stressed about ever being overweight - my definition of overweight. It's like I cannot be inside my body.

My local NHS eating disorder service is GP referral only. I've looked at it online. I can't bear to sit in a room and try to explain this to a doctor when I am in my 40s. I feel very silly.

[trickyex]

Having read more and the responses of other posters I think my advice was wrong and its better not to say anything now but to seek help.
Eating disorder treatment is now no longer supposed to be subject to weight (new NICE guidelines) and there will be some help available via your GP.
There is a fantastic charity called ABC who run a helpline and offer befriending support
www.anorexiabulimiacare.org.uk/about
I have damaged my ability to regulate my blood sugar levels properly by restricting my eating. So I suffer from very low blood sugar levels, hypos. Very unpleasant.
Lots of very difficult side effects of restricting your food intake.
I too manage to have a life while having anorexia btw.
Please do seek support and help, its not something which many people can manage to resolve on their own. Please do send me a PM if I can help in any way.

[trickyex]

ps I am in my 40s too, eating disorders affect all ages, your GP will have experience I am sure.

[TheOrigBrave]

OP I am in my 40s.
My ED nurse has helped me hugely. It's hard, no question, but I feel I have a safely net while I work on trying to recover.

If you tell your GP you are having eating issues they will then take the conversation on.

I also have not found healthy ways to deal with what my ED gives me, but I recognise that this is not going to work long term.

[TheOrigBrave]

Oh and I hold down a professional full time job, have 2 kids, am a single parent and basically get on with my life.

But yeah...I have a mental illness.

Please seek help. They will not judge.

[FennyBridges]

It is a comfort to know that I am not the only one who, at 40 odd, has not mastered food and diet. Thank you!

Things have calmed down at work because I haven't been in the staff room for lunch.

I don't know how I feel about resorting to go to the doctor's. I've emailed my therapist but they haven't got back to me. Makes me feel a bit rejected!