How to avoid a relapse? Help

[Todayisanewday75]

I was bulimic for a long time but am now recovered, mostly, I haven’t binged in years and very rarely purge when feeling overwhelmed by food and emotions. I still have fairly low self esteem and food/weight issues but manage it by trying to eat healthily and exercise.
But then yesterday afternoon I found OHs old phone on the bed and of course it had porn on it. I know he has watched it a lot in the past and I guess I knew he still did. And I know people say all men do it and it’s normal but it just made me feel so insecure and FAT. And I’m also wondering what else is he hiding from me? He says he can’t talk to me about it which makes me feel like it’s my fault.
And all I want to do now is eat loads of toast and feel numb and then the release of getting rid of it all (and then drink a bottle of wine, but that’s a whole other issue).
I know I really don’t want to go down that road again but how do I not take the first step?

(Apologies if this posts twice, first post disappeared)

[manicinsomniac]

I don't think I have any good advice but didn't want to ignore your post.

I'm sorry this is happening

Do you have any other distraction or comfort strategies? (running/walking, shopping, phoning a good friend etc) That might help.

[Todayisanewday75]

Thanks for the reply. Fortunately nothing happened, I guess I must be more fully recovered than I thought. I still have a lot to get my head round though.

[manicinsomniac]

That's awesome - well done!

I can't imagine being without the thought processes. I'm not recovered but I'm sure that, even in recovery, the brain takes a lot longer to catch up and sort itself out. It sounds like you're doing an amazing job.

[Todayisanewday75]

Yes definitely, the thoughts hang around a lot longer than any destructive behaviours. Not sure mine will ever completely go to be honest but not acting on them is the main thing really.
I wish you all the best in your recovery.