Could this be the start of anorexia?

[ru345]

Ok I have lost a lot of weight as was overweight. I was happy in summer even met someone to date. But when he dumped me he criticised my appearance which I was so happy as 10/12. I have started to since then:
I only eat certain foods I am fearful of carbs
I buy lots of food and obsess about Xmas threads about food
I feed everyone incl in work
(Someone called me a feeder)
I have no more than 1000 calories
Those 1000 is mainly milk in lattes
I eat once a day
I weigh several times a day
I get stressed about putting weight on
I am now a 6 but BMI is not low only 20
However I still feel disgusting want to keep moving my weight loss goal currently 9 stone 7lbs which was my goal after exbf dumped me now want to be 9 stone by Easter.
Everyone telling me not to lose anymore as so ‘tiny’ which totally throws me as don’t see or feel it.
Is this a pre anorexia type behaviour?
I am starting to get dizzy when I stand up too

[LIZS]

Certainly into eating disorder territory. Please seek some medical support before you damage your body.

[ru345]

Is their online help like CBT etc? Don’t want to go to GP feel silly as not even underweight. Just I know this is not normal

[mynameiscalypso]

I have a diagnosed eating disorder (technically what my psych calls a mixed eating disorder because I go through cycles of bingeing and restricting). I'm going through a restriction phase at the moment, and have been for the last few months, and can absolutely identify with pretty much everything you say albeit my BMI is slightly higher and I'm definitely not a size 6.

I urge you to get help as soon as possible. I think in some places you can self-refer to the ED team. Please don't feel silly, most people with EDs aren't underweight and EDs are, in my experience, almost impossible to beat without a lot of professional help.

[jelliebelly]

This doesn’t sound like the start of something it sounds like you are in the midst of an eating disorder with an extremely unhealthy attitude to food - seek help quickly - gp is the obvious place to start.

[WowserBowser]

Yes, I would say so. But I'm not an expert.

There was a recent Louis Theroux documentary about Anorexia. Some of the women mentioned feeling too 'big' to be there.

You are a size 6? That is a very small size isn't it. Do you actually think you are the only non slight size 6?

I'm really sorry this absolute dick has kick started this. 10/12 is never going to be big.

I hope you manage to get some help. Don't let it get worse

[Blackteadrinker77]

Sounds more like otrthorexia

You should increase your calories though. You could start to lose hair at that level.

[ru345]

Thank you for your replies.
I am only just a size 6 in lower body still 8 in tops.
Trouble is I feel more like a 16, not that their is anything wrong with a 16 as this time last year I was much bigger.
I started to chew and spit out food in last 2 weeks.
I get blurred vision, cramps in my feet/lower shins and this week the dizziness started on standing.
Funny enough I had hair extensions last week as have not been able to wear my hair down last 2/3 months as my hair so thin.
Today I did really well as had 1/2 of a piece of steak a small jacket potatoe and spoon of peas with gravy. That is a big meal for me now. I won't be able to eat until tomorrow as full up but will have a latte to get cals in me. Most of the time I have smaller meal.
Why I started to think something was wrong too is a have just started a new job and the person in my room is a dietician. He is questioning me and also advised me not to lose anymore weight. I have started to be away and busy purposefully so he can't see I don't eat. We had a Xmas works meal and said I could only do starter re childcare had to dash. I couldn't do the meal.
What is an orthorixia?
I only thought this was not right this last week and still believe this is ok I am fine nothing is wrong. It was anxiety after the breakup getting panick attacks It started and GP px short course of diazepam which I take when needed, the anxiety is a lot better.
I don't feel I can go to GP as well I work with dietician who feeds into ED service (my job is totally different) and I don't want my confidentiality compromised. So don't want to be referred to ED team so was wondering if there is anything online or books that can help me to treat myself? That's if their is anything wrong? I am not in a dangerous level i.e. my BMI is normal range so also that makes me feel I should not bring it up.

[LIZS]

Don't rely on bmi as a measure of your health. Nutritionally your diet is not balanced and lattes seem a poor way to bridge the gap and will suppress your appetite for healthier foods. Could you afford to see someone privately?

[mynameiscalypso]

Just because your BMI is healthy (just), you are still doing all sorts of damage to your body because you're going to be malnourished. You don't have to have a very low BMI for all sorts of things to start going wrong from anaemia to messing up the minerals in your system which can lead to heart attacks etc. There are already a number of warning signs. I agree with Liz, can you see someone privately if you don't feel you can go to your GP? Well done on what you managed to eat today, I know how hard that must have been and you've done really well.

[ru345]

Blacktea I looked it up and think you are right as when I started dieting originally I thought I had milk allergy (upset stomach a few times with milk) so didn't eat anything with milk in and reduced carbs too so diet very restricted in terms of types of food not calories restriction like an anorexia type behavior. The only reason I noticed cals was because I logged my carb v proteins and of course cals show too but this never the issue for me. I started drinking milk funny enough when ex dumped me (but was eating 2 meals and snacks prior to this) and uses it now in lattes to make up calories but my food types still rigid and restricted as eat the same things most days. Sunday is my carb day as have to eat cooked dinner with my mum hence the potatoe and veg once a week.
Liz and myname I had usual 2 slices of bacon and egg omelette meal today but have introduced junk food to make up calories in food form...had 6 marshmallows tonight. It's a start to eating more than one meal and will try to sustain and add another snack...I eat no fruit and rarely eat veg except when I eat a small bowl of chicken curry 4 days a week with a spoon of rice (usually my Tues-Fri meals in the week). I am starting to realize how rigid my food behavior has been! But the anxiety with ex and when I see him again this week(he wants to be my friend help me out) I do restrict to try and be smaller each time I see him! That is where it differs slightly. I only restrict then to try and look thinner but once he is gone it doesn't enter my thoughts until next planned visit. I bought more food today am doing a meal on Wednesday for a family. I am dreading it! My stomach can't do normal size meals, only toddler size. Am again dreading it as ex is visiting next day so restriction will not go as planned and will feel a failure then as not thinner. I am losing only about 0.5 lbs a week so very little loss about 12lbs in 3 months.

[ru345]

Due to Xmas and cost of diy on house over last 3 months I am broke and would need to start saving now to go private once smash over. Looking at another 3 months before I could afford private...depending on cost of it also? Hope I will be better by then with learning how to recognize my behavior and small changes.

[LIZS]

The omlette was good. However calories from the lattes and junk food such as marshmallows are empty calories. Yes you will get an energy boost enough to keep going but the nutritional value is low - high in fat and sugar. Try to substitute healthier options for those. Fruit, cereals, wholemeal pasta, humous with raw veg, protein such as egg, chicken and fish, homemade smoothies etc which are relatively higher in nutrients.

[LIZS]

And given that your ex seems to be a trigger, could you go nc. You need friends who are positive for your self esteem not undermining - are you working, have hobbies, socialise?

[laudanum]

You absolutely need to speak to a doctor NOW. Don't feel silly, right now you're in a place where you can recognise there's a problem. If you continue the way things are then you might not have the rationale you have now; I remember spiralling out of control when i was hit with a bizarre ED as a kid.

Call someone and tell them, even if it's someone who can make the call to a doctor for you because you're struggling. ♥️

[fessmess]

Anorexia can take hold quick so well done for recognising you have a problem. ❤️

[Usernamechecksout]

It’s definitely disordered eating and it’s affecting your life, e.g. you feel dizzy and you’re severely restricting your food. Please go see the GP. I had anorexia years ago and in my experience, it can go downhill really fast. It’s a mental disorder that kills and is so difficult to overcome, so the earlier you intervene the better. Well done for recognising this and posting about it. Hope you get help soon xx

[AshGirl]

You poor thing! This sounds exhausting!

Not any real practical advice but you really should speak to your GP. Talk about your confidentiality concerns and they will be able to take those into account.

Take care of yourself

[AshGirl]

Also, stay away from your X! He sounds like a total knob and v bad for your MH!

[ru345]

Thank you for your replies I know think it is time to stop the trigger and go NC with my ex whom I spent the day with.
I ate yesterday with friends first time since Monday. Today lots of milky coffees and now vodka with zero mixers.... I need a drink after all it's calories.
At the moment I don't have a plan but I hope with family pressure to eat and distracted form ex I will eat and start to develop a normal relationship with food over the festive period?

[ru345]

I am here with family for the holidays. I ate chicken colsaw and salad. My first meal since Wednesday. It was lovely and will try and eat one meal a day and nibble in hope I pick up as 3lbs down this week alone.

[Digestive28]

Lack of low weight does not exclude eating from difficulties. Please seek support. At your library is a copy of overcoming self help books (they are in all uk libraries) one of these is for eating problems. It is cbt based self help and is a good start if you aren't able to talk to anyone yet. Good luck.

[Boulshired]

You do need help as soon as possible, can you at least pop to a chemist or supermarket and get complan if eating is too daunting instead of lattes. My daughter drank fortisip on prescription which is made by the same company as Complan and it was a good bridge while she learnt to eat more food again. Your body is telling you that it is not healthy. Are you taking enough fluid other than caffeine based? You really need to speak to your GP.

[cocoboots]

OP in the simplest terms you need to increase your consumption and calorie intake to stop these scary symptoms or they will become much bigger problems. But I know psychologically this is not so simple.
My sister is anorexic and now has a lot of health problems due to not eating. She has to go to hospital and doctor appointments constantly as she has multiple vitamin and mineral deficiencies, bone problems, immunity problems, etc. It's awful and she is in a deep cycle that has affected all of us.
One meal since Wednesday is really worrying. You must have very low energy.
Do you exercise? i imagine you can't with such low calories intake.
You know you can maintain a fit, slim and healthy figure by eating properly and exercising- it will work much better for you than being in starvation mode constantly. And you will look much better too.
Please go see your GP to be referred to MH and ED services x

[ru345]

Thanks Digestive I will look for that book. I need self help at moment. Can’t go to professionals.
Good idea Boul I will see if they do coffee flavour.
coco I wish it was about my size it isn’t it’s about having control over something as my confidence is so very low...my anxiety is at breaking point. Was ok with eating today as have diazepam left Dr prescribed to get through this festive time. I do feel like I am dying inside it’s desperation i guess?

[ru345]

Today was so much better! I ate 2 small meals today...but less lattes. Had chicken salad a teaspoon colsaw (side plate size) and later 1/4 lasagna with 2 teaspoons coleslaw and 2 pieces of garlic bread (carbs yay)! My first 2 meals in one day in weeks and feel absolutely bloated! The pressure of having to eat with family helps. Lucky staying with family for next several days so the getting used to eating regular will set me into a pattern :-)