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I have a problem with food. So embarrassed and ashamed.

(17 Posts)
Bananasplit47 Mon 30-Oct-17 20:10:51

So I feel I should post a disclaimer saying how ashamed and embarrassed I am to be writing this. I never thought this would be me. I used to be a happy, healthy size 8-10.
After DS was born 5 years ago, and through pregnancy, I began eating a lot and rather unhealthily too. I can't help myself, it is like a compulsion.
I yo yo diet, so I will stuff my face with whatever I can find, I make special trips out for food, I find excuses to go to the supermarket to buy junk and then I sit in the car park, stuff my face then put it in the bin before going home. Then I feel so guilty that I promise I will start dieting on x date. So in the run up, I eat as much as I can, I restrict myself and try to eat healthy for a few days when I start dieting, then one night I will lose all willpower, will eat anything I can find in the house, will order junk food etc and the cycle starts again.
I am a size 16-18, I weigh 15 stone. I know it's not healthy, please don't flame me for this. I know it's not setting a good example to my child.
I just feel I have no control over it. I am so embarrassed to be this way. I have anxiety and depression, and it definitely correlates with low moods and then I feel guilty for binging. I can easily eat a full packet of biscuits in one sitting.
On my way home from work this afternoon I called at KFC ... took it home as DP was at work, ate half of it then he came home early. I panicked and shoved it in the wardrobe. I have justcput DC to bed and afterwards found myself sat on the wardrobe floor (it's a large walk in one) eating the rest of the cold food and then guiltily shoving it into a bag so I can sneak it into the bin tomorrow when he's at work. I should say he is not controlling over food in the slightest, it is my embarrassment making me do this.
I have a problem, don't I. How do I combat this. Please help I'm so desperate now. I'm sick of being fat, I'm sick of being unable to stick to a diet or simple healthy eating regime no matter how hard I try.

Bananasplit47 Mon 30-Oct-17 20:11:40

Gosh that was so long. Sorry. Thanks if you manage to make it through that wall of text....

octopusatlarge Mon 30-Oct-17 20:17:01

I do this too. I have no idea how to stop. I eat healthily around DH. I go to a slimming club and yo-yo.
I eat in secret all the time. Dc is too young to notice. I buy things and eat them in the car all the time.
I stay up late at night and eat whatever I can find. I try not buying things that are triggers but I’ll eat anything.

Runsforwine Mon 30-Oct-17 20:17:03

Hi OP,

I have no advice for you but I sometimes find myself out of control a little too at times, I'm overweight 13.5 stone and 6ft so a 16-18. I have never been an 8-10 though!!! Can you chat to your husband and explain whats going on? Will he understand? Im sure he would want to help you?

Bananasplit47 Mon 30-Oct-17 20:21:36

octopus I'm sorry you struggle too. I definitely relate to the car thing - the amount of times I have sat in the car so I can eat in secret.

runsforwine. I think he has some kind of idea. He's very kind, caring and considerate and tells me everyday how much he loves me and how beautiful I am, and I ask him if he still thinks that even though I'm overweight and he says he will always think it no matter what size I am. But he says he wants to help me lose weight as he can see how unhappy I am. I'm just embarrassed to tell him the extent of it as he's very slim and healthy.

SpikeGilesSandwich Mon 30-Oct-17 20:34:26

Interesting to hear that other people do the secret eating thing too, it's something I can't get out of the habit of and I don't know why I do it. I'll have a healthy tea with DH and DS but then eat a whole packet of massive cookies and bars of chocolate when no one is looking and hide the wrappers, it's so silly and embarrassing but it's like a compulsion.

sallievp Mon 30-Oct-17 20:42:27

Me too...you are not alone...I have the biggest binges and feel very bad and ashamed of myself. So many times I have eaten an XXL pizza when my husband is out then hidden the evidence...have started a monthly checklist...each day I give myself a tick for a sensible day with no bingeing or a cross for a binge day...so far have had 5 binge days and 25 sensible days...am aiming to better this next month.

RefuseTheLies Mon 30-Oct-17 20:45:15

I am a binge eater too. It's shit and I hate it and I'd really like to stop. I'm 16.5 stone.

BlueRabbitWasNaughty Mon 30-Oct-17 20:45:16

Oh gosh, I do this too - particularly binge eating chocolate in the car and consuming whole packets of chocolate biscuits while stood in the pantry!!
I'm not overweight..... yet, as I have managed to keep it in check with periods of healthy eating and loads of exercise but I'm getting that way.
Would love to know how to stop but I don't know why I do it, I don't think I'm unhappy but I just can't control it and it's so frustrating.

BlueRabbitWasNaughty Mon 30-Oct-17 20:48:07

Clearly this is a common problem. Has anyone managed to stop this? I seem to manage a few weeks eating normally but always go back to binging.
I wonder if telling your dh would help..... mine teases me for eating too much chocolate but has no idea of the extent of it.

OuchBollocks Mon 30-Oct-17 20:56:28

I was doing this, comfort eating, when i was in pain and exhausted this year. Really bad, i was getting full tubs of pringles in the online shop, eating them in one sitting then hiding the packets etc etc. I just decided i would quit sugar, because sugar is so addictive, and basically gave myself permission to more or less eat what I wanted (i also started the 5:2 diet so I do calorie restrict 2 days a week, so I don't feel permanently 'dieting'). Quitting sugar has done the trick. Sometimes I find myself browsing the cupboards for food, realise I just want something sugary for that comfort hit, and close the door. Other times I think ok, I'm hungry, and I eat some proper food. Its hard to overeat by as many calories if you're not eating calorie dense sugary things.

So maybe say to yourself ok, I can eat, but not chocolate, but maybe apples and a few raw nuts, maybe not KFC but some plain chicken slices? Then you can eat but its not as calorie dense and it isn't hitting the reward centres of the brain, so it gets less appealling?

flowers to you. You sound so sad.

octopusatlarge Mon 30-Oct-17 20:58:22

I’ve tried telling DH before but he doesn’t get it at all. He just looks confused, tells me he loves me and that it doesn’t matter.
I work at home so I’m in the house all day on my own. It’s hard to make good choices , especially as i don’t love my job. I eat because I’m bored. Or I smoke, which I also shouldn’t do.
I try to make sure there is something nice in the fridge for my lunch, usually leftovers, but if it’s quick and tasty I’m more likely to eat it and not hunt something else out

AccrualIntentions Mon 30-Oct-17 21:00:45

I do/did this too, since I was a teenager, down to the hiding stuff in the wardrobe and sneaking rubbish out to other bins. DH found the evidence a few times and was always really upset because he couldn't understand why I was doing it, we had some massive arguments about it.

For me it goes in peaks and troughs and I know it's linked to my mental health/stress and anxiety levels. Right now I haven't binged since March, but that's because I'm pregnant and knowing my body is responsible for someone else as well as myself seems to have stopped me. I am worried it'll start up again after the baby is born.

Sparklyuggs Mon 13-Nov-17 20:31:46

I struggle with this too. I hate that I do it and how much energy it takes to hide the empty packets.

MsAnnThropic Mon 13-Nov-17 20:41:58

You are not alone OP . I could have written most of your post. I have recently downloaded a mindful eating ap, which I think is working a bit.

MohoBoho Sat 02-Dec-17 23:02:03

I do something similar, it's like a compulsion. When I'm on my own in the house I seem to have no control. I can't have a jar of peanut butter in the house, I'd just eat it all with a spoon and the same with other food. Sometimes at night, if my DH has gone to bed I'll have several bowls of cereal. I'll eat spoonfuls of marmalade or chutney, I just hoover up packets of nuts, I make excuses if DH notices there's no cheese left.I do a lot of this when I'm preparing the evening meal. It drives me crazy. Some days I starve myself to make up for the rest. I just don't know what to do. I've never spoken to anyone about it, it's a dirty little secret. I don't know how to stop.

vilamoura2003 Sat 02-Dec-17 23:13:02

I also do this 😖 It is so embarrassing - I will also binge telling myself that I will start eating healthily tomorrow and so will treat myself today and then diet tomorrow, but then tomorrow never comes.

I have bought Russell Brands latest book Recovery as he talks honestly about addiction and I think that is what I have. I haven't read it yet so can't say whether it will help me or is any good 🤔

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