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will bullimia kill me. I need help. I need a shock

(17 Posts)
user1466690252 Tue 17-Oct-17 22:30:59

Ive lived with this for 13 years. I've been binging and throwing up, abusing laxatives and excersise for 13 years. I had help in my mid twenties as was very underweight. I still do it at least once a week. It's ramped up and has been daily for the past 2 weeks. I can feel myself slipping, I know why, I have a big event in a few weeks that is stressing me out. my chest hurts and I'm scared. I have 2 small children and I always feel stressed. This is part of ny routine now. I know this is bad, I know my triggers, how to avoid, I've had the therepy, and I'm still slipping. I need help. please help me

RHOLST39 Wed 18-Oct-17 22:07:37

flowers I struggle too. Xxx

user1466690252 Wed 18-Oct-17 22:12:10

Thank you for your reply. I managed to eat today and not throw it up. I havn't managed that in a while. I'm hungry now. but I'm avoiding going near the kitchen because I know it won't end well. Do I have to live with this forever? it's so all consuming

RJnomore1 Wed 18-Oct-17 22:13:13

I'm sorry you are dealing with this.

Are there foods you are ok with eating?

BeachysFlipFlops Wed 18-Oct-17 22:13:36

Can you contact your original therapy team to get additional help as you are relapsing?

Caulk Wed 18-Oct-17 22:16:36

I had 6 years of therapy and that cracked it for me. Huge expense but by far one of the best decisions I made. I had been purging for 20 years and wanted to stop.

My heart is pretty fucked. I have bad pressure in my eyes meaning I’ll probablh develop glaucoma. I can’t throw up when ill. My teeth and glands are ruined and my body stores more water than it should.

I wish I had got help earlier.

user1466690252 Wed 18-Oct-17 23:11:34

thank you, especially caulk. I've written your words down so I can read them for myself. What therepy did yoi go for? Unfortunatly I have moved, so in this area there is very little help I can find.
I follow slimming world, I like the control and routine. It gets out of control if I take a bite oit of anything over what I allow myself. I have snacks and food in the house for my children, that i wouldnt keep in if I was on my own, so I have gone past the shopping trips with the purpose to binge, I don't do that anymore, but i will eat a biscuit for example, then litterally in seconds eat 6 which means I will start a binge/purge. It seems to happen so quickly, go from being fine to a whole loaf of bread, but I can't avoid the kirchen and being around those foods as I need to feed my children

user1466690252 Wed 18-Oct-17 23:15:50

I should add, I'm not trying to loose weight on slimming world, I just need the structure wirh food. It is making me loose weight tho, and its the normal, everyday eating I struggle with. I have either been very over weight or under weight my whole life. I just want to stay the same. I also work out 5 days a week. That has had a good effect on me, but at the moment, it seems to be slipping

StillGotTheTreeUp Wed 18-Oct-17 23:20:41

Op I'm really proud of you for managing to get it down to once Pw.

I'm stuck at 2x per day. Been seeing someone for 9months. Been doing it for 15 years. I've now got kidney failure. Stage 2.

Go and see your GP. They'llbe able to refer you to people in the area. X

Caulk Wed 18-Oct-17 23:24:14

I have integrative psychotherapy. It took years of working really fucking hard for me to get to a place where I don’t do it. I don’t think I’ve ever worked harder at anything, even when it was difficult. I found her on counselling direct website, but I’ve seen others before who it didn’t work as well with. We just clicked and I made sense to her.

Lots of stuff makes a difference like I am aware of when I would have done it a lot, so I spent time training myself to do other things. I bought different food, all kinds of stuff.

I can’t ever repair my body properly, or get back the money I wasted on food but I know I don’t need to be like that now.

user1466690252 Wed 18-Oct-17 23:24:57

Thank you tree. I am worried as my children are 5 and 1 and don't let them see me be sick, so I worry that its lack of time/ oppourtunity rather than me actually being in control.
I'm sorry about your kidneys, it's so scary

user1466690252 Wed 18-Oct-17 23:26:17

caulk you are very inspirational.

barkinginessex Thu 19-Oct-17 07:13:27

Oh OP I've been where you are and it's hell. You can recover. I did this by firstly keeping the binges but stopped purging. It was so hard not to purge. I obviously gained a lot of weight quickly but the binging soon lost its attraction. I ate what I wanted, no diets, no restrictions and after about 6 months, my weight evened out.
I know bulimia is psychological but I had been on diets my whole life and the food was a big part of it. I always felt I couldn't even have one biscuit or I'd gain loads of weight.
I saw a counsellor and she advised me to look around at what other people were eating care free. I looked at my colleagues who occasionally indulged in a slice of cake and they were a normal weight. It helped me see that one biscuit or chocolate bar wasn't the end of the world.
I hope this makes sense. Keep posting, we are here for you.

user1466690252 Thu 19-Oct-17 08:51:03

Thank you, that is exactly it. My habits arn't normal and I realise this, orhers manage to have the idd treat without the guilt and fear but I can't. I struggle to relax, its constant. today has started well. I'm aiming for another binge free day. It means a restricted diet but for now that's what it is. I need to deal with the underlying issue of why I can't fully allow myself to relax and why I need this crutch to help me deal with stress. Thanks for all your reply, it's nice to know I'm not the only one

Wishingandwaiting Fri 20-Oct-17 06:56:01

OP you are doing well, don’t denigrate yourself.
The fact that you’re not doing it frequently may well be aided by fact that you have two young children but fact remains you are managing to stop yourself. That’s a tremendous achievement.

You don’t live in TW by any chance?

EMSMUM16 Tue 28-Nov-17 21:45:35

Sorry to ask but are you anorexic as well? I only ask because you mention in one of your posts about restricting food. If you do restrict too much your body will crave food & then you'll have the urge to binge. You probably know that already though!

EMSMUM16 Tue 28-Nov-17 21:50:38

It is really dangerous to binge & purge, causes problems that other people have mentioned such as throat, teeth ( enamel wears off) stomach, reflex reactions, and the most dangerous is heart, you are putting huge pressure in your heart.
Sounds like you need to believe in your own self worth and find different ways to deal with stresses? Is there a group you could join in your area that might be able to provide support?

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