Always had a high BMI, I'm really well built - big strong frame for a girl. was always told I was fat at school (I wasn't really, I'm just not a tiny disney princesss frame). Generally, I feel really well adjusted but my weight has always quietly niggled at me. As a result I've spent most of my life on a diet of some kind. I discovered a 'healthy eating regime' (low carb) a few years ago which gave me good results and I found it easy to cut out rice and pasta, crackers, vast majority of bread, and potatoes.
Well, I kept gaining weight didn't I. And i had brittle nails, dry skin and my hair falls out in winter. So I went to the doctors thinking my thyroid was dodgy. I struggle to control blood sugar levels too so maybe I was type 2? All the tests came back normal. So I started cutting down my portion size, the doctor just told me i was getting old and fat basically so I thought 'I must put more effort in!'
So I had a long chat with my mum and she got me a subscription to a well known weight loss thing. When I tapped in all my stats, I was really surprised at what a high calorie allowance I had for weight loss? I thought it must be wrong. So, I kinda enjoyed myself a bit for a couple of weeks and was still comfortably within the calorific allowance - I lost 6lbs. wtaf?
So now it's come to light that I've had a completely twisted relationship with food for years. 1400 calories a day is bad day i'd berate myself for in the past. Why am I not dead? Just because I binge. I starve myself day to day, then binge on really bad stuff and my body packs it away just in case. i did some reading and yep, long term low calorie diet = weight gain and insulin resistance. I also get headaches, really tired despite plenty of sleep and struggle in my manual job. No wonder I'm constantly constipated - I hate nothing to shit! Literally I'll go like, every few days. I have the bleeding piles to match ;) which have intensified on this latest downwards push in calories. what a fucking mess.
I've looked at visual portion guides and I've been wayyy overestimating how many calories are in things. trouble is, I've trained myself so well that I dont know how to get out of this cycle, I feel sick when i eat what would be a normal amount of bread or cereal or rice or whatever. the guilt is still there too.
I think it all stems from being one of those control freak overachiever people. that's really ingrained part of me though. can i do anything about that?
Anyone else gone through this? Maybe smaller meals more often - which goes against every instinct! snacking is bad! I usually just eat two small virtually carbless meals a day. I'd really love to get my blood sugar back and feel healthy doing my job. Oh, I'll buy some prunes too.
Thanks, I just had to get this out, if I tell anyone in real life they'll laugh because i don't look anorexic. My husband had noticed though, I was talking about feeling like a gluttonous westerner if I eat more and he said 'yeah, but medieval slaves probably got fed more than you' - he's likely right.
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.
Eating disorders
omg, i have an eating disorder :(
11 replies
edibleweirdo · 23/09/2017 11:43
OP posts:
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.