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Feel so completely out of control (binge eating)

(53 Posts)
Lemonylem Mon 15-May-17 16:36:58

I have struggled with my weight all of my life and for as long as I can remember have battled to keep control and eat properly, however, recently things have taken such a massive turn for the worse, I'm completely beside myself and don't know what to do.

About 3 years ago now, I booked my wedding and realised that if I didn't do something about my weight, I was going to have a miserable time dress shopping and planning for the day. I was feeling pretty down about my weight and uncomfortable in my body and didn't want this to ruin the day for me. I joined weight watchers and a beginners running club, worked hard, started running 5/6k at a time and gradually lost more than 5 stone. I felt wonderful, my DH, family and colleagues were constantly telling me how well I looked. I felt happier, healthier and more confident. I loved running and really looked forward to it. It was really hard work though. I was constantly counting points, going out was difficult and I often found myself trying to fit around social occasions by taking my own food, planning ahead and eating different meals to everyone else. I kept going, and especially once the dress was ordered, I was so focussed on the goal. There was no stopping me.

As soon as we arrived on honeymoon, it's like a switch changed in my head. My first meal when we arrived late at night was unhealthy and it's pretty much gone downhill from there. After 18 months of dieting, I've embarked on a year of binge eating to the point where I've put on 3 stone, none of my clothes fit, I look and feel a complete mess.

The binges are huge, I eat fast, stuffing the food in without even tasting it. I feel so awful afterwards, sometimes I even feel sick. I hide the wrappers from my DH by stuffing them to the bottom of the bin or taking them out the house completely so he can't see. Half the time I don't even like what I'm eating. It's just an urge that takes over.

I'm coming up to my first anniversary and I feel so far away from the person I was a year ago. I'm utterly miserable and feel such a failure.

I'm not really sure what my reason is for posting. I think I just need some advice to get out of this horrible rut. I feel so stuck.

Lemonylem Mon 15-May-17 20:10:41

Sorry to bump sad feeling particularly rubbish tonight and could really do with a hand hold

PinkBlossomTree Tue 16-May-17 10:10:01

I can relate to your post.

I am a binge eater when I'm alone. I've found I am at my worst when my husband works late and my DD is at a after school club. It's the only time i get alone time. I watch a film and stuff my face until I feel sick, once the sickness subsides I go again.

I worked out when I was at my very worst and decided to change bad habits by not watching the film. I can't be trusted to not stuff my face and decided to turn it into a positive and took up the 5:2 diet and decided to fast that day and clean my house instead and put on some cheesy music and have a sing along when I'm cleaning up.

I used to be a runner like you, I never enjoyed it but I felt good for doing it. I am keen to get back into it again. I will have to start back at the beginning again but that's fine.

I've decided to change the way I am by just taking baby steps for now.
I have decided once a week I will go for a run. I could of set my goal to 5 times a week but that is not going to happen so I've decided just once as that is achievable.

I've just started on the blood sugar diet too. It's going to be hard but I have a event in a month and the way I am feeling ATM I will end up not going as I feel big and not at my best. So my goal is just to crack on for a month see how much weight I can get off, I've booked for a hair cut too.

Just small steps for now.

Is there any small goals you can work towards?

Maybe have a think of what non food treats you would like, new haircut, new outfit, make up something you can work towards to make you feel better. And create a goal check list for motivation.

What would you like to achieve short term and long term? Can you think of some small steps that you could achieve?

SmokyDepths Tue 16-May-17 10:15:47

I'd love to join too! I lost 2 and a half stone with SW and felt great. Then fell pregnant, lost the baby and have been on a downward spiral for the last year. When I arrive home from work I can't help but stuff myself silly with unhealthy foods. I feel and look awful. We also always have cakes/biscuits etc in work and need a way not to delve into them when I've been having a particularly shit day. Which is most of the time at the moment 😩

fiftyplustwo Tue 16-May-17 10:25:20

See to it you don't have any tasty food at home and no candy etc. You're not likely to binge eat from potatoes, rice, tuna fish, carrots etc.

lbab1702 Fri 19-May-17 23:08:03

I don't think that last comment is at all helpful. Don't you think all binge eaters know not to have binge food in the house? What you don't understand is that when you have binge urges you'll just go out and buy it. I have no binge food in the house but I'll be planning a binge while at work and buy it on the way home.

fiftyplustwo Sat 20-May-17 05:15:15

What would be a truly helpful comment?

DoesAnyoneReadTheseThings Sat 20-May-17 05:41:28

It was helpful fiftyplustwo - same with drug addicts eh? Just don't buy the herion... hmm

reup Sat 20-May-17 06:11:23

I saw a book recommended on here about binge eating and bulimia. I binge sometimes and overeat a lot so I downloaded it. It was interesting and I feel it is helping. I was just going to post a link to the book and saw there's a website.


Peanutbutteroneverything Sat 20-May-17 06:14:45

The WORST thing you can do if you struggle from binge eating is diet/restrict your intake. It just adds fuel to the fire. Have you thought about some CBT? There are also some great books on the topic (one brilliant one: Brain Over Binge)

It's a really horrible cycle to be in, but you can get out of it! Best of luck.

pinkandorangeroses Sat 20-May-17 06:16:16

I hear you too, OP. That switch you describe - you can't order it, can you? Because whenever there's a thread about weight loss on here some people seem incredulous that you risk your health and appearance. But that urge to eat, when caught in the moment, is SO powerful.

I'm the same with binges. I haven't done a "proper" food shop since I don't know when. But it's not really an answer because food is everywhere.

Tootsiepops Sat 20-May-17 06:16:42

Hi op - I am a binge eater. I gained 5 stone in 4 years using food to cope with bereavements (brother, dad and mum, all unexpected and premature, in quick succession).

I finally went to see my GP about it and he prescribed sertraline. I have been taking it for around 3 weeks now, feel wonderful and in that time, I have binged twice. Considering it was an every day occurrence for me, this is nothing short of miraculous.

Alongside the medication, I am having CBT to help me understand why I binge, and to help me develop different coping mechanisms.

I have always had issues with food, but for the first time, I feel hopeful that I will be able to overcome them.

Tootsiepops Sat 20-May-17 06:21:02

See to it you don't have any tasty food at home and no candy etc. You're not likely to binge eat from potatoes, rice, tuna fish, carrots etc

Actually, you'd be surprised at what binge eaters will stuff themselves with if their food of choice is not available.

ILikeyourHairyHands Sat 20-May-17 06:22:42

I think, as with any addiction, you have to realise and understand why you're doing it, what's fuelling and driving it, what's compelling you to overeat? You say you don't think whilst you're doing it, so is it to quell unpleasant feelings? Most addictions are.

As a PP said though, food is a particularly pernicious one to conquer, because you have to eat, you can't just cut it out of your life and be done with it, but why it a good starting place.

I wish you luck, you did it once so you can do it again, addictions are a fucker but they're never insurmountable.

KingPrawnOkay Sat 20-May-17 06:25:40

Oh OP sad I know how you feel. I binge ate for about a year after my mum died, I didn't put on any weight (god knows how, I guess my then-teenage metabolism and I've always been a long-distance runner) but it's awful feeling like you have no control. It's so difficult to stop as well because the thing that's controlling you is the thing you need to survive - an alcoholic may be able to go cold turkey, but you can't just never eat again. I don't know what made me stop, I just woke up one day and I didnt feel the urge anymore. I still sometimes have thoughts about it three years on, but I know I'm not in a place where I'll act on it and I'm trying to learn self-control in other ways and hoping one day I can control and get rid of my thoughts. Don't be so hard on yourself with the binging, and try controlling little things. Taking up yoga has also really helped me. I hope it all works out for you OP flowers

pinkandorangeroses Sat 20-May-17 06:33:24

Does sertaline cause weight gain?

reup Sat 20-May-17 07:25:54

The brain over binge takes a really different angle from conventional therapy - cbt, identifying triggers, addiction therapy looking at your past etc. It' s quite refreshing because her take is your recovery is not predicated on years of making yourself a mentally healthy person before the binging stops.

Lemonylem Sat 20-May-17 08:07:31

Thanks all for the support. It means such a lot as there's no one I can talk to in RL. My lovely DH tries but he can't understand why I say how important it is to me to lose weight and be healthy and then I'm eating all the wrong things 2 minutes later. I suppose it is a weird thing. Even I can't get my head around it!

Sadly up you're all completely right about the food in the house thing. I do a healthy food shop every weekend for the week ahead. I then buy massive bags of chocolate at the station and eat them on the train home. Or I go to the vending machine or petrol station when I get back to the station and shove it in while I'm driving home (then hide the evidence before I get in the house). If I'm working from home, I find myself in the village shop buying packets of biscuits, running home to shove them in and then hiding the packets which I take with me the next day to bin on the way to work.

Sadly if all I had was tuna, I'd be shoving that in too even though it's not that appealing. It's just the way it is and I have no idea why!!

The worst bit is that we're trying for a baby without success and I know that if we end up having to ask for help in a few months, they'll say my weight is a problem blush

I tried the 'overcoming binge eating' book last year but didn't find it that helpful. I'll try the new suggestion - thank you! Will my GP take me seriously? For some reason I feel like binge eating won't be recognised as an issue ir taken as seriously as other ED. Will they think I'm just greedy?

AceholeRimmer Sat 20-May-17 08:50:42

I hear you OP. I'm either a binger or the most effective weight loser around. I just want to be normal like everyone else.. I once spent a year losing 7 stone, I looked and felt amazing. Like how I should be. Then one day the switch flipped and I ate a bag of chocolate, felt like I'd ruined the last year just from that hmmso carried on eating and put it all back on! When all I needed to do was get back on track the next day confused It's fucked up. To me it feels like self sabotage when I'm really happy. Lost it all again for a few years. Now at my biggest ever after two kids and losing my dad and gearing up to lose it all again.. but in the back of my mind I'm saying "how long will it last this time?" There is something wrong with my brain!

Lemonylem Sat 20-May-17 09:41:21

Oh Ace! I could have written that!!! I'm so sorry to hear about your dad and the others who are battling grief.

I can't understand this self sabotage thing. It seems like the most unnatural natural reaction possible.

Lemonylem Sat 20-May-17 09:58:27

And yes to the ruining it all with one thing. I once ate an Easter egg after months of doing well and losing 2 stone. And that was that - back to square one (and then some!!)

pinkandorangeroses Sat 20-May-17 10:04:25

Does anyone else feel not quite so alone having read these?

I was going to start back on SW on the 29th (28th is my birthday). Maybe this could be a supportive thread for each other?

pinkandorangeroses Sat 20-May-17 10:05:35

Does anyone else feel not quite so alone having read these?

I was going to start back on SW on the 29th (28th is my birthday). Maybe this could be a supportive thread for each other?

fiftyplustwo Sat 20-May-17 10:14:29

Well, in any case DoesAnyoneReadTheseThings in my case I can't really have chocolate in the house, or cookies, or peanuts, or anything sweet or tasty. The only sweets that I can store at home are candy canes. Nor can I shop food when I'm hungry. I find it helps to "decide" that only certain candies are "allowed" (by me that is) so I never or rarely try out any new sorts candy. I can't buy a bag of crisps for instance, and if I do (!) I must buy the smallest one, and only as much as I want to eat in one go.

I would like to hear a helpful comment from you, DoesAnyoneReadTheseThings. I don't think you can. hmm

NoMoreAngstPls Sat 20-May-17 10:16:40

I know how you feel, and I think it makes a difference if you've lost the weight before, and then put it back on
1) because you know exactly what you need to do, but just can't bring yourself to be that strict again
2) because you know just how easy (and quick!) It is to put all the weight back on again.

A (super skinny) acquaintance recently tried to explain how easy weight loss is (calories in and out hmm ). What a joke! I know what to do, cos I've done it before, but its not that easy.

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