Eating disorder or fussy eater 12 yr old

[Butterflies27]

My ds1 was born with iugr this wasn't picked up till 39 weeks, he is now nearly 13 years and has never caught up in size. Always smallest and thinnest at school, our family have always said 'oh he's like his dad' as he's slim.

In year 6 ds1 was no longer on the weight or height chart, but 6 months ago was right at the bottom only just on it. In primary school he use to hide his sandwiches in his bag saying he wasn't hungry or would say he had eat them and I would find them hidden. I instead paid for school meals at secondary school to try to get him to eat. He hasnt eaten breakfast for 2 years now as not hungry and from the history of his meals he does spend up to £3 at school each day on food and drinks but obviously I don't know 100% if he eats it or his friends.

Since Christmas he has started to spend an hour at evening meals eating his tea. Picking at meals with his fingers eating tiny mouse sized bites.
It's hard to see if he's lost weight as he is skin and bones and if I start weighing him he'll want to know why. I took him to the Drs about 6 months ago and they said he was fine and not to worry. I watched him eat a sandwich today as he's off school as had tummy pains (dh let him off) he inspected the sandwich before eating and wiped any excess butter on the plate. Am I over thinking or could this be more than it appears. I've not mentioned it to dh yet.

[Butterflies27]

I've just had a chat and weighed him he's 29.7kg and is 13 in May

[WhatHaveIFound]

I think i'd take him back to the doctors and would be worried about him not eating meals. Have you asked the school to keep an eye on whether he's eating lunch? Does he finish his dinner, just slowly? Have you tried him with a smoothie in the morning if he can't stomach breakfast?

My own DS (12yo) is a very similar weight but eats normal sized meals. Occasionally he eats more than me. He does eat slowly though but that's down to him getting indigestion if he eats too fast.

[SecondsLeft]

The thing is, he will run into physical problems whether he is underweight due to being picky or being eating disordered. So you do need to arrange to get him checked over from time to time at the GP (and if any concerns they could refer him for a conversation with the community paediatrician), perhaps see a community or private state registered dietitian, and work relentlessly as a family to improve his intake and weight. Don't worry too much about the finer points of healthy eating, or variety, just work on him eating more regularly and more quantity.
Being underweight will cause tummy problems, low energy and may contribute to anxiety. He probably doesn't need to gain too much to feel a lot better though, as he is predisposed to be small 🙂

[SecondsLeft]

Being underweight can affect height potential too, and be aware of risk of osteoporosis.

[Butterflies27]

Thank you for the comments.
He does eat most of his tea just very slowly, literally will take an hour. I think he takes that long in the hope we will just say leave it now if you don't want any more. He use to be the best for trying food, now he just picks at his favourite meals as well. He's so miserable and tired lately but not sure if that's the Teenager coming out in him.

I do send him to school with a belvita breakfast bar but again I don't know if he eats it. I don't think his school would help as he might buy at break time or lunch so be hard to track. I can see he's purchasing things but some things on his online receipt (he doesn't know about it) shows 2/3 biscuits or 2 drinks so I think he could be handing things out.

We've had a hard 2 years with his younger sister having health concerns. She is only 2 so takes up a lot of our time.l and I know the notes sometimes resent this. I will give my Drs a call and see if I can get him checked over again for peace of mind.
Many thanks

[Butterflies27]

Boys not notes

[Popskipiekin]

Picking up on what secondsleft said - do you think DS is concerned about his height? Would he be encouraged to eat if you/a doctor mentioned that poor nutrition during these years may hold him back from reaching his growth potential - if that is true? Ignore me if I'm speaking unhelpful rubbish. I only say it because I restricted my food intake (which developed into anorexia) in my early teens. I didn't develop breasts properly (not a concern to your DS I appreciate!!) and did not grow much after early teens - when I had been on course to be much taller. I have always been sad about this and annoyed with myself for not nourishing my body properly. I also have osteopenia and break bones easily.
to you and your DS. I hope you get some help for him.

[SecondsLeft]

How did it go Butterflies?