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From Anorexia to binge-eating

(16 Posts)
Purplebluebird Mon 24-Oct-16 17:10:15

I really hope I've come to the right place here. I seem to have a more unusual kind of eating disorder development, and I really need some help.

When I was 9 I developed Anorexia, this lasted until I was forced to eat around age 16. I got treatment for depression at this age, but once I had started eating I got no help for my ED, other than "keep eating". I soon started bingeing instead (no throwing up or anything), which lasted from roughly 17-19, and became mildly obese as a result.

I then went back to Anorexia from 19-21, and then again ended up bingeing after this. I am now almost 29, and still bingeing.

I can't help myself, so I am now triyng to go back to the roots, and seeing if I can work through this from the base issue of Anorexia. I have for years been trying to follow various popular diet/lifestyles, but it has not been successful for me, and my conclusion is that I now need to repair my mind before I can develop actual healthy eating habits and stabilise at a normal and healthy weight, rather than at either very underweight or very overweight.

Has anyone else been in this situation? Does anyone have any good advice for me? I'm really desperate, though part of me feels like because I am bingeing rather than starving, I am not "good enough" for this forum. I know this is a messed up way of thinking, and stems from my thoughts still being those of anorexia, rather than healthy.

Please, please help me. I've turned everywhere and nobody can help me irl, so this is the only place I could think of.

Wellmeetontheledge Mon 24-Oct-16 17:12:14

I'm the same!!! I'm so glad it's not just me!!!

At the moment I'm trying to completely ignore thinking about what I'm eating as I find find thinking spirals into obsessing. It's so so difficult though, it's really reassuring to know it's not just me though. Hugs!

Wellmeetontheledge Mon 24-Oct-16 17:13:09

At the moment I'm struggling with having any sort of self-esteem in general.

Newyearnewbrain Mon 24-Oct-16 17:18:26

Hi purple bird you're not alone and the first thing I would say is that once you have an ED, you are definitely on a kind of spectrum. You're basically looking at a way of dealing with issues, anorexia isn't a stand alone disease, any more than bingeing is. They are both responses

I say this from experience as a young anorexic, who now struggles with bingeing and restricting. Frankly it's a pain in the arse

Please do go and get counseling but please also feel like you've made a step forward by posting about it on here. It's a long journey and there are a lot of people on here who will go through it with you.

Stay put, there will be more along soon. Thinking of you and virtually holding a hand. flowers

Newyearnewbrain Mon 24-Oct-16 17:19:36

You two Wellmeet. Are you getting any professional help?

ageingrunner Mon 24-Oct-16 17:19:38

I've not experienced anorexia but have had problems with binge eating. I found a book called Brain over Binge by Kathryn Hansen really helpful. She went from being a teenage anorexic to binge eating and bulimia. The book describes how she realised that her brain was giving her unhelpful signals to binge in a survival mechanism and how she managed to override the signals. It's well-researched and doesn't require you to solve any emotional problems before it can help you, which was a relief to me (I don't want to get into all that stuff blush)

Purplebluebird Mon 24-Oct-16 17:32:09

Thank you ageing I will buy the book!

I have various other mental health problems (bipolar, OCD + ) and in my area this means I don't qualify for the support they have. I have asked to go on a waiting list for therapy, but was told the waiting list was so long there was no point going on the list. I will fight this again next time I see a psychiatrist, as I cannot go on as I am!!

I have had about 6 years of therapy in the past in my own home country, but it has never been focused on eating disorders, so whilst I have had help, it has not been for the correct area. Have had major problems with depression, which is what I've been treated for.

I feel a bit like I will never be free from this. In less than a year, I will have had ED for 20 years. And I'm only 28 now. I literally don't know life without it!

Thanks for so quick replies, I hope more advice comes soon smile

Wellmeetontheledge Mon 24-Oct-16 20:28:20

Similarly I've had help with ocd/depression/anxiety but it's never focussed on eating. I don't usually admit to eating issues in real life as I think that I'm not thin enough for anyone to belive me. The book sounds interesting smile

Purplebluebird Mon 24-Oct-16 21:22:38

I used to be very very thin, to the point my heart was having problems due to long term starvation! And now I'm so overweight that it's pretty obvious that I have issues and/or am greedy. I think no matter your weight, you can have disordered eating, but obviously it is more clear when someone has an extreme weight, whether it is small or big!

BusterGonad Sun 20-Nov-16 08:29:29

I do think going from one extreme to the other is very common. Eating disorders are unlike any other as you have to eat to live. I'm a binge eater at times, when I'm down, lonely, feeling upset. I cannot help myself. I once had an extreme diet disorder too. I lost about 3 stone and looked very thin. Stopping the pendulum in the middle is a very hard thing to do.

lljkk Sun 20-Nov-16 08:37:30

Have you been in touch with BEAT?
They have online msg boards, people who will know what you're going thru.

Purplebluebird Sun 20-Nov-16 10:12:42

lljkk I tried, but nobody replied to my post sad

lljkk Sun 20-Nov-16 10:22:12

ah, what a shame. I see now the BEAT boards are rather quiet.
There are busier online help boards, I'm sure (google fest time). This one has had posts in last day.

I have known many anorexics who had a spell of flipping into binge eating. Sometimes with other mental illness problems, too. Overeaters Anonymous is another option for you.

I know it's a an uphill journey for you, but what else are you going to do with your time but try to keep improving things. Good luck.

Purplebluebird Sun 20-Nov-16 10:59:17

Thank you, I will have a look at those!

almostenglish Fri 02-Dec-16 11:12:37

Have a look at the National Centre for Eating Disorders, they'll be able to point you in the direction of someone who will be able to help you x

Purplebluebird Fri 02-Dec-16 13:03:45

It turns out my antidepressants (Mirtazapine) made me binge :S I have stopped them now, and stopped binging so much... Still overeat at times, but not like before!

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