Dieting with ED history(5 Posts)
NC'd as I don't want this associated with my other posts.
- Developed anorexia nervosa at the age of 13.
- 3 months of inpatient treatment at 15 after dropping to a v low BMI.
- After this I bounced erratically between relapse and recovery until 19.
- Serious relapse at 19 meant I went back into inpatient for 2 months.
- Then made a concerted effort to 'get better'. All fine for the past 5 years with no ED thoughts at all for the last year.
I'm now at a point where I'm feeling very uncomfortable with my weight (I am at the higher-end of a 'healthy' BMI for my height) and would really like to lose 2 stone. Unfortunately I don't know how to do this without resorting the ED behaviours and, as a result, I'm finding myself seriously restricting food intake and all of the ED thoughts are back with a vengeance.
I'm hoping that the current situation doesn't develop into a more serious relapse (because, tbf, I could really do without that right now; lots of paper deadlines and some conferences coming up).
Does anyone have any advice for losing a small amount weight with a history of an ED? Or am I stuck in a bad situation where it's not actually possible for this to happen without triggering me?
You are not stuck in a bad situation - you still have a healthy bmi. Leave it alone: it will take up too much angst and brain space.
Namechange, I don't know if you will see this reply as it has been a while since the op. If you do I hope your studies have eased for you. Are you able to identify why you feel these pressures at this particular time, at all? You have already noted that it may well trigger your ED again, trying the diet route. It would seem that perhaps those past habits are already trying to surface, as you want to lose weight when perhaps you may not need to. I wouldn't want to suggest a way forward for you, as this would be best done by your GP and or the ED team you were with previously. Are you able to reach them and seek advice?
It's very very hard to loose weight with a history of ED. I've been 'recovered' for 20 years and eaten what I wanted and not dieted since. Weight has gradually crept up.
I've recently lost 2.5 stone which I really needed to lose (and need to lose 2 more) but I've been walking a very fine line between dieting and eating disorder. I've been skipping meals, eating 300 calories a day etc etc.
What has helped me is focusing on getting fit rather than getting thin although this has at times threatened to become an exercising obsession. I've signed up for tough mudder as its my something you can do after eating a lettuce leaf!
I have better days and bad days. I had a small portion of fish pie the other day - about a fist full and spent the next 24 hours wanting to through up as I felt so full and bloated.
I'm struggling with exactly what you're worried about now because I wanted to lose weight "sensibly".
I actually planned it so as to not fall back into my ED mindset but it didn't work. I didn't change what I was eating at all, I didn't restrict or ban anything, I just lowered my portions and bought an exercise DVD to start with so that I didn't shock my mind back to that place. Even that hasn't worked.
I would recommended visiting your GP. With your history they may be able to refer you to a dietitian and even, if you need it, a counsellor/cbt therapy group to try and ensure that you keep a realistic perspective and midset when it comes to food.
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