Advice please for supporting DD with bulimia

(11 Posts)
RegentsParkWolf Sat 28-May-16 01:06:55

DD (18) has had MH problems for a couple of years and is on antidepressants. She is underweight and although she denies it I know she is binging and then making herself sick on a daily basis. Whenever I try to say anything she walks out of the room, often out of the house. It is ruining her life - she has no energy and has lost several jobs as a result of not being able to get out of bed. She will talk about the depression but flatly denies that she has an eating disorder. Any ideas for getting her to accept some support?

Dancingqueen17 Wed 01-Jun-16 07:54:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RegentsParkWolf Wed 01-Jun-16 23:38:55

But she denies she's doing it. I can't make her see a GP, she's 18. As soon as I mention the subject she walks away. I don't know how to get her to admit there's a problem.

outputgap Wed 01-Jun-16 23:42:46

Would she read something like Fat is a Feminist Issue (by Sussex Orbach)? Is a brilliant guide to dealing with eating issues.

outputgap Wed 01-Jun-16 23:43:29

Sorry that should be Suzie.

Greenyogagirl Wed 01-Jun-16 23:48:48

I stopped when people commented on how much food I was buying, asking if I was poorly as they heard me being sick. Saying I looked tired and ill and had I seen the gp as look terrible and lost weight etc
Do you eat healthy? Could she 'help' you eat better and in turn help herself? Could you go for a meal together in the evening (and if she goes loo, you can too)

RegentsParkWolf Thu 02-Jun-16 22:35:02

Thanks outputgap for the book suggestion - I read that years ago but had forgotten it. Greenyogagirl I guess I'm not the healthiest eater either - I often try to lead by example but then get sidetracked. Maybe I need to give it a higher priority. Dancingqueen thanks for your comment. I really wish I could persuade her to see the doctor as I think she would take it more seriously if someone else spoke to her. Guess I'll just keep trying.

frocksnogandbusters Sat 18-Jun-16 21:53:40

Hi there regents I have a similar problem. DD now 18.5 struggled through GCSEs with self harm and bulimia. Now it's a levels and bulimia is back (or still here maybe?) I have followed her upstairs this evening and heard he being sick as the shower was running. I spoke to her by switching the shower off (switch on outside of bathroom) and have just tried to talk with her but she just denies it and blanks me. Tried to talk and explain!sin that she needs be kind to herself, that we love her, etc but she just plain denies it and'switches off's. No idea what to do. Explained that she can talk to me/her friends but she still denies making herself sick. She is intelligent girl so have tried to reason with her'brain' and that it affects her skin/hair/fatigue levels/ the pill (!!) but I still get blanked. At a loss, just like you.

RegentsParkWolf Mon 20-Jun-16 20:24:25

Sorry to hear that frogs. I haven't got any further with DD. She has been to see the dr about her insomnia and dr has changed her to a different antidepressant. I'm concerned as the one she was on did seem to help her mood and I think her insomnia is really down to not having a routine - she sleeps all day and is up all night but I'm not sure she explained that to dr, just said she couldn't get to sleep. The new antidepressant is known for causing weight gain. I think the dr probably thought that would be helpful as DD is very underweight but I think it will make the bulimia worse. I don't think DD would have told the dr about the bulimia. On the plus side, DD felt the dr had listened to her instead of talking down to her and she has made another appointment so I'm hoping if she feels she can trust the dr she might open up about the bulimia. Trouble is, I don't think she wants to get better - I think she likes to be able to eat lots but stay thin. I feel a bit hopeless to be honest. Hope your DD gets through the A levels. If the bulimia is a response to stress maybe it will settle when the stress is less?

h0rsewithn0name Mon 20-Jun-16 20:37:48

I feel for you.

One of the hardest things with eating disorders is that the person has to want to help themselves. It took my DD four years of self-harm and bulimia before I could get her to the doctor. It's all very well people campaigning for earlier interventions, they are no good of the person doesn't want them.

Be kind, understanding and patient. I'm sure you are already all of these, but it's so easy to get agitated (I was incredibly frustrated). Your DD needs your unconditional love and support - one day she will decide for herself that she wants to get better.

Do you have a support group you could go to? We were invited to one as part of my DD's treatment plan and I found it very helpful. I very much begrudged going along initially, but it really helped me and ultimately my DD.

If it helps, my DD's recovery only took a year once she accessed good treatment. I hope it's not too long before your DD asks for help.

RegentsParkWolf Mon 20-Jun-16 21:08:07

thanks horse. I've been meeting with a lovely lady who's daughter is in recovery from an ED which has helped and have been invited along to a group for carers of people suffering from EDs but haven't yet been able to attend as it's mostly during the day and I work but may make it in the holidays. Glad your daughter recovered - always good to hear positive stories.

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