Triggered by referral to ed services

[CaulkheadUpNorth]

I've had eating disorders in varies guises for fifteen years, although my bmi is currently in the normal range.

I've been referred to eating distorders services due to my bulimia, with an appoibebt by next Tuesday.

I'm now finding it incredibly hard to eat, knowing that I will be weighed next week, and knowing that I'm overweight, don't look like I have an ed, etc.

Can anyone reassure me that this happened to them, or just give me a huge kick to start eating again. Thanks.

[SqueezyCheeseWeasel]

Caulk head. Re read your OP.

"my BMI is in the normal range"

"Knowing that I'm overweight"

You aren't overweight. You are within the healthy weight range for your height.

As for not looking like you have an ED, the ED is in your head. Just because you are a healthy weight at the moment doesn't mean that you are free of your ED (as you know). Once you get talking to the therapist during your appt it'll be clear to the therapist that you are struggling with a distorted view of eating, weight and body image, so don't worry that your appearance doesn't scream ED (in your eyes), that's not the only way professionals diagnose.

I can see why you're anxious about the appointment and the 'unknown' it represents. That's normal. Stopping eating is a way of gaining a bit of control or feels like a way of gaining control. Of course, rationally you know that making yourself physically weak and starving your body isn't going to help you get to where you need to be, but it's the ED talking. Baby steps, try small meals or snacks if you can't face a full dinner.

You're really brave taking this step to treatment. Good luck .

[CaulkheadUpNorth]

Thank you so much for helping me be rational about this. That's what I needed to hear other than yes of course stop eating that's the right thing to do

[SqueezyCheeseWeasel]

I know. It's so hard not to listen to the devil, especially if you've had the urges and the thoughts for a long time. Stressful or anxious times are most often the worst, too so it's not a surprise that the grip is strong this week. Keep the faith.

I'm similar to you. I've had periods of anorexia, bulimia & disordered eating since I was about 13. I'm in my late 30's now. It's hard but there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

[CaulkheadUpNorth]

Thank you for getting it, and not making me feel like a freak. I know I need to just eat something, but I also think I know how much better it'll be if I don't.

[Millie2013]

Honestly, they see people with a range of BMI, you have been referred to them because of your behaviours, they don't have a BMI cut off (or they never did in my day). You don't have to justify being there by restricting like mad, you need to be there anyhow.

[CaulkheadUpNorth]

Thanks.
It's so hard. I'm worried they won't believe there is a problem unless in underweight, which I'm not.
I've talked to the lovely therapist, who said lots of reassuring things, but I can't carry that reassurance to actually eating and not purging.

[CaulkheadUpNorth]

Ok, that makes sense. I have a private therapist who has said the same, and so I'm trying incredibly hard to eat normally before I go and see them. It's tough though, isn't it.