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My DD has bulimia.

(315 Posts)
StolenStollen Sun 02-Feb-14 10:01:49

As the title really. My dd has bulimia. I found out on the 5th November 2013 and she's been in a eating disorder unit since.
Currently, she weighs 3st 4 sad and last Wednesday she had a nasal-gastric drip inserted as she wasn't eating.
I am looking for advice and hands to hold please. I don't know if I'm posting this in the right place.
How can I not blame myself?

StolenStollen Sun 02-Feb-14 12:45:44


Selks Sun 02-Feb-14 12:50:05

Hi Stollen. I spotted on another thread you mentioning about your daughter and her bulimia. I'm so sorry that she, and you, are going through this.

I'm sure others will be along on here soon, but would you like to talk about her? I'm here if you do, and happy to offer a hand to hold.

I should probably disclaim that I am a CAMHS practitioner - generic rather than eating disorders - and I don't have specialist knowledge of bulimia, but I'm on Mumsnet as a parent and individual myself.

Kittymalinky Sun 02-Feb-14 13:07:15

I'm a survivor of various ED. I'm still plagued by thoughts and controlling eating habits.

I never got that light or was hospitalised but mine went on unchecked for years.

It's very hard, it's totally not your fault though. It sounds trite bit she is in the best place.

Is there anything else going on on her life in addition to this? I only ask as mine was strongly linked to abuse.

Have her team given you any idea of timeline for coming home, plans for when she does etc? It sounds like she's a little way off that is she's got a tube atm. I do know sometimes things can get worse before they get better when people are in units, total loss of control and fighting against having to face the issues.

StolenStollen Sun 02-Feb-14 13:14:39

My exh was abusive to her and me kitty. The CAHMS teams think it could be linked.
May was theoriginal idea for coming home but that looks less likely.
Selks, could she resist this year - shes 15 doing gsces on health grounds? The school havent been a lot of help. i

StolenStollen Sun 02-Feb-14 13:18:06

No timeline in place. I'll ask about that. She has been worse but she's starting to accept the help. She hadn't eaten for 3 weeks (she had started to eat and stopped being sick after meals) but she completely stopped. That's why I agreed to the tube.

Selks Sun 02-Feb-14 14:47:56

Stollen, I don't know if she could resit the year, what have school said? Is she likely to be in hospital long term or is it now known yet. Clearly at the moment she is very poorly but once she is well enough will the unit be providing education of some kind?

yegodsandlittlefishes Sun 02-Feb-14 15:24:22

Always a hand to hold for you, Stolen, you know that, lovely. xx

This cannot possibly be your fault in any way at all. Blaming oneself is often a way to deal with the feelings after abuse, and to make them somehow manageable and to limit the fear. Your ExH is responsible for the abuse, not you or your DD. It might be that the abuse lowered your DD's self esteem and ability to deal with negative thoughts and that is why it took hold so quickly, but there is no way to be sure, and blaming anyone makes us clam up and too emotional to help in my experience.

yegodsandlittlefishes Sun 02-Feb-14 15:25:32

I'm so glad your DD is starting to accept the help. That is a major breakthrough and I do hope she can make a choice for herself to keep accepting all the help to be fed and to eat that she can get.

Chipandspuds Sun 02-Feb-14 15:33:03

I would really recommend speaking to the Beat helpline (they are an eating disorders charity). I spoke to them once for advice and they were absolutely brilliant! They would be able to give you more advice on treatment, bringing your daughter home again and

I hope that your daughter improves soon.

ZingSweetApple Sun 02-Feb-14 16:06:08

I'm here sweetheart - as always.
You must know it's not your fault.

My sister was/is bulimic. I guess my father could be blamed partially because he would tease her about her body shape, but even then I would not say it was fully his fault.
My sister did have psychotherapy, which helped her a lot - not beeing/feeling in control of a lot of what was happening was the main trigger for her.
she felt the only thing she could control was her eating so she took it to extreme levels.
I'm guessing your DD has similar issues.
(Only guessing)

I know your & her story, but please keep talking.
massive hgus to both of you

StolenStollen Sun 02-Feb-14 17:03:36

The school think she may be ok too but the LEA have the right to say no Selks. She has been working in hospital but recently, she's been to ill to do anything.
Exh said and did things to her and to me that nobody should ever go through Ye. He held a knife to her throat. Called her obese at 3 and a waste of space. No dad should do that. I don't want to blame anyone but if Ihad to I wwould rather blame him ifyswim? He's been the only persob to harm her.
Zing, I think like your sister that it is control. She needs some stability and by controlling what she eats will give her that.
She hid the ed from me for 4 months. She was throwingthe food up while i walked the dog. She threw her breakfast up before school began (this was in school) and she didn't have lunch. The school only told me after 4 months!
I'll ring Beat Chips.
Thank you.

Selks Sun 02-Feb-14 18:06:48

I'm not an education expert at all, but I'm sure I've heard of young people being able to do GCSEs at college also. Might be worth speaking to a careers person to see if that's possible.

Selks Sun 02-Feb-14 18:07:31

It must have been a horrible shock for you when you realised your DD was so poorly. Was she that low in weight when it all came to light?

StolenStollen Sun 02-Feb-14 18:55:43

I will find out who the careers person is linked to the school. DD weighed 4st 1 when she was admitted. This went up and then she suddenly stopped and it plummeted.

yegodsandlittlefishes Mon 03-Feb-14 18:24:46

Hope you are alright this evening, lovely Stolenstollen. xx We are here for you if you need to talk.

StolenStollen Mon 03-Feb-14 18:51:57

I'm here. Trying to do things and my very dear friends song who died November 2012 just came on the radio. I'm in tears. For her and dd.
It's just so hard.

yegodsandlittlefishes Mon 03-Feb-14 19:21:28

Oh that is very hard, Stolen, but also very sweet that you remember your friend when you hear a song like that. You must have been close.

Was your dd still asleep when you left her?

Am lighting a candle for her again. Everything is being done for her now so it is good she is resting and not fighting.

Bibi2103 Mon 03-Feb-14 19:22:00

Im sorry about you daughter im 22 and have been bulimic since i was 14 ive seen two therapists and one cbt but unfortunatley nothing has helped.all u can do is be there for her and try and find the trigger for her starting this. X

StolenStollen Mon 03-Feb-14 21:12:36

So so close ye. We met in the refuge. I'm her dcs godmother. She had woken up when I left. Thank you for your candle.
Bibic, I'm sorry your still struggling (hugs).

nessus Mon 03-Feb-14 21:16:24

Another hand offered to you Stolen...can't imagine what you are both hogoing through but god it must be heartbreaking. Xx

gaggiagirl Mon 03-Feb-14 21:30:37

Always here for you stollen.

ZingSweetApple Tue 04-Feb-14 05:29:18

will light a candle too - thinking of you as always.

love you both dearly and praying for progress.

StolenStollen Tue 04-Feb-14 20:23:49

Thank you for your kind words.
Tomorrow DD will be weighed for the first time since the tube was inserted. I hope she's not lost weight. I don't think she'll have gained any either.

yegodsandlittlefishes Tue 04-Feb-14 20:40:53

If she hasn't lost as much as in previous weeks, then it means things are heading in the right direction.

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