Am I being selfish

[Lordi78]

I’m 42. Single
I thought I was ok not to have my own child, I had always planned to adopt. Over the last couple of years, I’ve tried hard to ignore the physical ache of not having a child of my own. I did visit a fertility clinic in January and was told I would be in an ok position to start the process of fertility treatment with donor sperm. Since then I’ve been so up and down about whether it’s selfish to have a child this late, even if I desperately want one.
I don’t feel right now that I can talk to friends or family about it. The judging, and negative notions about becoming a mum so late in life.
Are there others out there that have gone through this process so late.

[Albgo]

42 isn't late and no, you would not be selfish to have a child. If it's what you want, go for it.

[INneedOFaSTIFF1]

If you want a baby then go for it! And I wouldn't be feeling bad about not having a 'father figure'... you just need to pop over to AIBU and Relationships boards to see that most men are fucking useless anyway and it's much easier to do it by yourself

[Pantsomime]

I know someone who did this alone with donor sperm at your age. Over 10 years later she has 2 DCs in high school- she’s still single - busy working mum. That’s all I’d say - be prepared to be single for a long time as you have no time for you- deffo do it, try your best to become a mum

[bitheby]

If you want it then go for it. Women your age are conceiving naturally and have done for centuries probably. I'm older than you, single and trying.

[LewishamMum]

42 is really not that late these days. The only "rider" I would add it providing you don't have major health issues.
People just grow up later. I had my first at 38 (almost 39), and am currently aiming for my 2nd who will be born when I'm 40. I'm determined to have a 3rd and am even thinking of a 4th, and so will definitely be into my early 40s.....honestly the only part of age I thought about is that I want them off at uni by the time I retire!
My 5mo DD is the best thing in the world. I think you will regret it forever if you don't try, and if you succeed, then you'll definitely never regret it.

[anthurium]

I'm single and started the solo parenthood project aged 38 last year; I had an unsuccessful IUI. At the time I thought to myself I'd be okay without my own family. February this year, I decided to start on an IVF journey. Fertility investigations last year revealed that I have one blocked fallopian tube but otherwise my ovarian reserve was good. I said to myself, one IVF cycle and let's see what happens. It was too late to start dating and hoping to meet someone who would want a family within my very restrictive timeframe.

I was extremely lucky that the IVF treatment has been successful the first time and I'm currently 12 weeks pregnant, and I have several frozen embryos in the freezer, should something go wrong with this pregnancy or I decide I'd like to try for a sibling in the future. I was convinced the treatment would fail simply because IVF has such low success rates.

I really don't care what others think frankly; my small family and a few friends that I have told have been supportive of my decision, but ultimately it's my life and I want a family of my own.

Time is of the essence, and I personally wouldn't dither if I were you. What do you imagine the next 10 to 20 years of your life to look like?

As for adoption, it is a perfectly viable option to create a family too, however you'd need to explore eligibility criteria, I'm not sure how thoroughly you have looked into it.

PM if you'd like to know more about my personal journey so far.

[LadyLolaRuben]

Im 42 and in exactly the same position as you and haven't confided in anyone. I think I'm going to go to a fertility clinic and talk through my options. Good luck x