Anyone done AI at home with a donor?? I need advice

[Vinceypie]

Hey all!

So my wife and I have been ttc for 8 months now using a donor. I've had a couple of faint positives but then bled so I believe they were chemical pregnancies or possibly just a false negative playing tricks. Anyhoo... we found a donor that's young fit and healthy and all the rest of it but it's just not happening. I'm almost 33 so it could quite possibly be an age thing on my part. I eat well. Have completely cut out booze and I don't smoke and we have been using the fertility cup to keep the sperm high up for an hour. Basically I've done everything I can for success. Has anyone else out there done AI at home using a donor and could you give any advice? Im wondering if it's a timing issue... due to lockdown we can't use it fresh. He lives a ten minute drive away so has been doing it at home and driving over to us with the donation. So I don't know if it's the time it's taking to get from him to me... next time we try I am going to collect it so I can ensure it is kept body temperature as I don't know how he is transporting it. I've also read narrower sample pots are better for sperm survival too. Can anyone share any other tips??

Thanks in advance :)

[FionatheCat]

Could you not form some kind of support bubble with him so you can be in the same place at do the insemination immediately just in case ?

[Vinceypie]

Unfortunately, we wouldn't be able to do that as I care for my nan so I am her support bubble.

[Waiting2BAMummy]

There are a couple of threads here where we’re all doing AI via a known donor @Vinceypie you should join us.

I’ve personally been trying since November 2018 and have had one chemical pregnancy but that’s it. I’ve been through 5 donors and have just met my 6th today (via tinternet).

Are you using OPK’s? It could be a timing issue. TMI and you don’t have to answer but you make sure to orgasm after you have inserted the sample? I’ve read a lot of evidence that this is important.

Also, I have heard mixed reviews about the use of fertility cups. I’ve been using softcups, which are actually menstrual cups but can be used for the same purpose, and have had no success. The month I had my chemical I just used a syringe. I’m planning on inserting with the syringe to squirt the swimmers onto the cervix and then inserting the softcup afterwards next time.

I’m also using preseed which I’ve heard good reviews about.

Hope this helps.

[Vinceypie]

Hey! @waiting2BAMummy

Thanks for your reply. Yes I use OPKs so I know when I ovulate. I also get lots of ewcm and notice the changes etc. Fortunately our donor is so helpful.. he's our 2nd. He gives us 3 donations over 3 days and works around our demands haha! He take a supplements etc. (So he says anyways!) The fertility cup I always insert after I've put the sperm but I don't orgasm after so maybe I should try that. I just find the whole thing quite uncomfortable and totally not in the mood afterwards but I will give it a try. Anything is worth a try!! I pray this donor is the one as decent guys are so hard to find. They always start nice then end up being a creep. From my experience anyways. We have only tried once with our newest donor. I shall also look into preseed. It's something I have always been meaning to try actually but never got round to buying it.

I wish you the best of luck with your next cycle :)

Thank you!!

[bitheby]

Hi. I'm trying at the moment. Older than you. Had an early miscarriage and a chemical last year out of probably 5 fresh cycles with my current donor due to lockdown and being unable to travel. I have heard that people let the sample liquefy but I've always figured that inserting as soon as possible is closest to natural. I use a mixture of SoftCup and syringe to cover as many bases as poss.

I think it's down to timing and luck to be honest.

[Waiting2BAMummy]

Dr fertility is one of the cheapest places I have found for preseed @Vinceypie. I’d be careful about purchasing things like that, if you were considering it, from places like amazon as I worry they’re not the genuine article.

Yeah the orgasm is hard work I often get stressed about the whole thing and then am really not in the mood!

Completely agree on the donors turning into creeps, have had 2 let me down on the day we were supposed to meet because despite me having made it clear I’m only prepared to do aaI they think they can change my mind. My first donor the last time I saw him insisted on making his donation in front of me then groped me and forced me to ‘help’ him produce his sample!

I’m glad you’ve found a nice one and I wish you all the luck in the world. It’s a hard road but it will be worth it.

[FancySomeChips]

Where did you all start when looking into doing this?
I’m very interested in trying this, I long for another child.

[Waiting2BAMummy]

I started thinking about this years ago @FancySomeChips there used to be company, I forget what it was called, that arranged for collection of a day nation from a donor and deliver it to you and you paid them. The site was shut down but that’s what made me decide I would fine way to make this happen.

By the time I was in a position to try I was 37 and have now been trying just over 2 years. There are several sites to meet donors and I believe there are groups on Facebook.

There are genuine donors out there but you have to weed through the creeps to find them, so be prepared for that.

[FancySomeChips]

What are the groups called?

[GrettaGreen]

Would it be an option to get a fertility assessment to make sure there aren't any issues that could be affecting things? A full blood work up and physical examination then consultation explaining the results was £500. Or even ask your GP to check your thyroid function as you're trying it that can really affect things.

[Vinceypie]

@waiting2BAMummy! Jeeze!! That's so scary. That's another reason i don't want a donor coming into the house... are you ok?? Current laws for same sex couples/single women really need to change because we are being forced down dangerous routes just to have a child that everyone deserves. Not everyone has thousands of pounds for treatment at clinic!!!

I have an appointment coming up in March for a full mot just to make sure all is ok. My periods are regular and I get positive opks so I believe I ovulate but I'm worried that maybe my endometrial lining is too thick/thin making it hard for the egg to implant or something... who knows.

@FancySomeChips I found our 1st donor on a site called prideangel and our current donor on coparents.co.uk

Good luck!!

[FionatheCat]

Oh that’s a shame you can’t form a bubble
But I hope you can find a way and that it works for you sorry I don’t have any good advice but fingers crossed it goes to plan x

[Vinceypie]

@fionathecat thank you. I think like people have said... alot of it comes down to pot luck. Will just keep trying and I'm sure eventually it'll happen :)

[Waiting2BAMummy]

I’m okay thank you @Vinceypie get very nervous meeting donors now though but my new one I’m driving to his and he’s going to meet me outside with them goods’ so I think I’m okay with that. You’re absolutely right though things do need to change what difference is it if you’re a same sex couple? In fact, given that heterosexual couples are having treatment because of fertility issues it is likely that same sex couples/ single women would cost less money to treat (of course this won’t always be the case as some many also have issues).

As for single women just because you treat a couple doesn’t mean they’re always going to stay together so I don’t see what the issue is there either.

Actually, I do see what the issue is, it would cost them more money!

Just because I’m single though I have to either find thousands of pounds for treatment or remain childless in the eyes of the NHS guidelines.

I’m worried now that I’ve been trying for so long that my chances are decreasing so I am trying to save to go abroad for IVF but am still trying in the meantime. I’m looking abroad because even when you factor in travel and hotel costs I could still get probably 2 cycles abroad for the cost of 1 in the UK. It’s just wrong they don’t need to charge so much they just prey on people’s desperation.

[Vinceypie]

Yeah @waiting2BAMummy thats exactly my point. Also, same sex couples/single women using a donor won't get the same amount of chances as heterosexual couples as donors let you down and can only provide x amount of samples a month. As my wife says... We don't have sperm on tap like other ladies do haha!

So it takes us down very dangerous routes which just isn't fair.

We too were looking into treatment abroad if we aren't successful doing AI at home. Fertility treatment in Turkey looks very reasonable and you get a holiday also so win win! But it shouldn't be this way!! It makes me angry.

[Fluffyowl00]

I went with Free sperm donor UK on Facebook. Got three nice donors, and it’s free.

In my area same sex couples get one chance of IVF (but not single mums as they’re bad parents, apparently. Yay 21st century). Is that not the case everywhere?

[Fluffyowl00]

I went for UK based IVF and it was £5,900, plus £700 for sperm and I paid half upfront and half 12 months interest free credit. It wasn’t that much different to Spain and much less hassle.

You know you can get fertility tests for free on the NHS if you’ve been trying to conceive for 1-2 years. These will tell you your AMH and follicle number and whether it’s better just going straight to IVF.

[Vinceypie]

It's postcode lottery. Fertility help depends where you live I think. I was told by my gp that I could have tests done on nhs(booked in for March for tests) but I wouldn't be able to get treatment if I needed it and would need to pay private. Fingers crossed it won't come to that though. We have a new donor that is so so helpful and works around our demands. we've used him once with no luck. Next cycle will be next week so hopefully I'll get my bfp just before I'm due to go to my appointment. We tried with a previous donor 8 times.