Desperate to become a mum

(4 Posts)
MollyJAb Wed 04-Nov-20 22:19:53

Having children

I'm 38 years old and in a struggling marriage but I really want to have children. My husband and I have been together for nearly 11 years, married for 2 but he's always had problems committing to the relationship.
I had to give him an ultimatum after 8 years of dating that he either commits to marrying me or I walk away. He reluctantly agreed to marry me but has dragged his feet every since.
Our marriage had not been easy, we've been the victims of 2 burglaries and have had more bad days than good. We are at the stage where he tells me it's me not him, he's sick of my "moods" and that he can no longer be with me anymore. If I'm honest, it's not even him that I want but a family and security.

I don't even like him half the time but I really want a family and I'm scared that if I don't have children soon, I may never get the chance of becoming a mother. It breaks my heart and fills me with deep sadness.

He tells me I should be happy but how can I be happy when I have to live with the most unusual circumstances. He has taken so much from me but given nothing in return. We didn't even get married officially because he wasn't happy to do so. He refuses to wear a ring, sleep with me or act like he's my husband. I feel he's made a complete mockery of my life and it causes me pain and hurt then anger and resentment towards him.

How will I ever get over this and learn to just be happy?
Should I forget my dream of being a mum?

OP’s posts: |
GroundAlmonds Wed 04-Nov-20 22:44:33

Leave him. Then plan the rest of your life. You are wasting your own time with him.

TheVanguardSix Wed 04-Nov-20 22:47:46

Should I forget my dream of being a mum?

Short answer: Yes. If you stay in this 'marriage' and do nothing to change your life (i.e. LTB), you should forget your dream of being a mum. Why you're staying is beyond me.

OhHolyJesus Thu 05-Nov-20 13:59:53

Goodness why would you even consider having a family with this man.

At 38 I'd hurry up and get out, you will have options including adoption as a single woman. Even if you did have a child with this man (who you are legally married to?) you will continue to be unhappy and this will only get worse with the stress of raising a child.

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