This is my first time posting on here. I’ve joined because I’m considering donor egg IVF. It’s so helpful reading people’s stories on here.
I’m just thinking through what it would mean for the future.
I think I’d look at UK treatment, so the child can request details of their donor when they turn 18. With DNA ancestry and social media, it seems likely that children conceived now via ED will make contact with their donor and other genetically related siblings (I actually hate the idea of them being called siblings!) once they reach 18.
It seems to me that many teenagers question their identity anyway and may push against their parents. I’d be really scared of this causing problems.
From what I’ve read, studies into the effect of egg donation in early childhood show that DC children are just as healthy, and the bond with their mother is just as strong . Especially when the child is told from an early age and it is discussed often.
There aren’t really any long term studies, as I guess egg donation has not been commonplace for long enough. There is a lot online from DC adults who seem to really resent the process, largely from families where it wasn’t disclosed early. I find it scary that so many DC adults seem to be against it altogether, and seem really damaged by it. How do you make sense of that?
There are so many heart-warming stories of parents who have taken the DE route thoughtfully and lovingly, and have great experiences of raising DE babies.
But I’m concerned about what will happen 18 years down the line. I worry it would be fine when they were young, but feel like a ticking time bomb as they become teenagers.
I also worry about disclosure – who will know, how to balance privacy and secrecy. I would feel strongly that the child should be able to control who knows their story, but can imagine it would get complicated.
There is so much bullying on social media etc. for kids now, it’s hard to imagine what teenage life will be like 15 years from now. But I’d obviously hate for them to be stigmatised or bullied.
I did read somewhere that DC is becoming much more common (among hetero, same sex and single parents) so may just be much more accepted and less of an issue in 10 or 20 year’s time, which is a reassuring thought. Attitudes to family life have already changed so much.
It would be a shame to close down this opportunity to have a baby out of fear. I know there’s only so much we can know about the future, and this goes with parenting of any child!
I’d really love to hear from DE parents, and anyone who has been through the counselling process for DC and might be able to shed more light on this.
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Thoughts about the future with DE baby
62 replies
sweetpea2000 · 26/06/2020 17:00
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