Brother donor

(8 Posts)
Sbrault Fri 25-May-18 19:29:46

My wife has two brothers and I don’t have any. We have decided to create our family by using a sperm donation from each of her brothers combined with my egg and womb. We plan to use one sperm donation the day after the other, so as to not know which one took. The idea is that the child will have the genetics of both his/her moms, without seeing one of the uncles as a “special uncle.” - Has anyone else build their family in a similar way?

OP’s posts: |
Conciergeandchocolate Sat 26-May-18 21:25:38

So for clarification, the brothers sperm would in effect bring into it your wife’s on the basis they have the same genetics (& therefore I presume hereditary conditions if parents are the same to your wife and her brother) have I got that right?

You could use her egg and transfer it to you, that way the child if conceived would have a blend of genetics and DNA from you both I believe. I stand to be corrected if so.

I have a child by donor egg & donor sperm & we had to have counselling...are you doing this in a more clinical environment?

We initially wanted a close friend to provide sperm but were advised against in case of jealousy and the issue of the child strongly resembling the donor in an undeniable way.

Sbrault Tue 29-May-18 00:27:54

Hi conciergeandchocolate, thank you for your reply. Yes, my wife’s brothers are from the same two parents, by using their donation our child will have the same grandparents that he or she would have had if my wife and I could conceive a baby between the two of us (we are still bringing the two family lines together). My wife’s brothers and her look alike plus they have a lot of the same personality traits, so we hope there will be some similarities between the sperm donor and our baby, which would be like seeing similarities between the baby and my wife, since we are seeing the donor’s sperm as my wife’s genetic link to the baby.

We briefly talked about using my wife’s egg and my womb/breasts for breastfeeding, I think it would be a beautiful way to include both moms as undeniable moms (biological mom and serrogate mom/ birth mom). This method however would still leave the daunting other half of the equation: who would be the sperm donor? Neither one of us like the idea of using a stranger’s donation, or a friend’s, which is why we chose the brother-donor method.

My biggest concern is that our child will want to embrace the sperm donor as the father (a simple dna test will determine which brother is the donor, if our child decides to do the test).

Your family built-up sounds very interesting too! Did you use known donors or anonymous donors? Closed or open (can your child contact them at some date)? How wonderful that you were able to carry and deliver life into this world, what a bonding experience! I am actually open to adoption which is surprising since now we care so much about the dna (I think our dialogue goes something like “either we’re both adapting or we’re both geneticalky linked). How old is your baby now?

OP’s posts: |
Kaznet Tue 29-May-18 03:19:43

I looked into it a little and it seems like many donor children want to know so I would consider how much it matters to you if they want to get that DNA test in the future.
I went with an open ID donor so they have the option. Although I don't see how it's guaranteed they would be able to contact him if he changes his mind down the line.
I do have adult pics of him which I think will help with the curiosity.
I have two lesbian friends who went down the using one's egg and one's womb route.
It seems to be great for them in terms of both having a strong connection. I believe the first answer was wrong about having the DNA of the women who carried the baby. But she grew and gave birth to her so there couldn't be a stronger connection

Kaznet Tue 29-May-18 03:21:31

But obviously they had to do ivf to achieve this. Which is another thing to consider

LRDtheFeministDragon Wed 06-Jun-18 22:32:37

My DD isn't my biological daughter; my DP gave birth to her with an anonymous donor. Frankly, I think you sound ignorant and rude talking about what you imagine makes you 'undeniable mums'.

I'm my baby's legal mother, on her birth certificate. Can you get that legal status with a non-clinic donation set-up? It's worth checking.

When we were TTC both sets of grandparents asked (unpromoted!) if we were going to use the opposite brother as a donor. It wasn't the right choice for us, but obviously people do it.

Battleax Sat 09-Jun-18 19:53:16

Frankly, I think you sound ignorant and rude talking about what you imagine makes you 'undeniable mums'.

You realise OP was talking about a scenario she rejected LRD?

She’s not being rude and she doesn’t sound ignorant. It’s just the form of words she chose to describe a “one DP carrying the baby, the other DP donating the eggs” scenario.

It’s just her take on a hypothetical.

LRDtheFeministDragon Mon 11-Jun-18 12:05:08

Yes, I did realise. Perhaps you didn't realise that she didn't reject it for that reason, but only because she couldn't choose a sperm donor in that context? She still implies that carrying a baby or feeding it makes you 'undeniable mum'. It's insensitive to say that in general, but FFS, on a board dedicated to donor conception, have some tact!

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