Coparenting partner worries

[bubblegumbubbles]

I thought I'd met someone who was a suitable coparenting partner and we were soon to ttc. I requested him to repeat STD tests. He sent me them very early on and we hadn't really talked about how/when so was a bit of a shock to get randomly sent them. I knew right away I wasn't reassured whatsoever even though I trusted them but I kept quiet thinking it will be approachable later down the line when I've met him few more times etc. Finally said over the phone look I want to do this, I feel awkward asking but if I can't even ask this then why am I considering coparenting with someone I can't get the courage to ask this to. He accepted, all was fine

What I want to do is go together, put each other's number down in the clinic as our own - he'd get my results and I his.

Thought we'd agreed to try this cycle if all was well. I have a long history of infertility. Took testing to be sure was a chance etc been very open and honest, kept him updated through my drs trips. He appeared very patient and compassionate and I got along fine in person with him.

He said he'd book it. Apparently couldn't get the appointment, then busy on a day he'd suggested meeting up after i had looked and found somewhere saying work commitments had come up. His solution was to say to go to different places but put each other's number down. I told him tonight via text I don't feel comfortable with that and are you sure you have the time to commit to this if you can't find time to go do this together and it defeats the trust building for me tbh it's not like I'm asking to go in the room but meet up, and as we both need to test go along to the same clinic at the same time. I mean aside from tests it's hanging out chatting in a waiting room, that's all.

Got back what sounded rather snarky - isn't it trust I showed you my results early on? And other stuff and at the end - if you feel I'm not committed or trustworthy feel free to move on Hun no problem at all.

I feel like I've been kicked in the teeth. Have I lost all perspective? Is he entirely reasonable? Or are we simply not compatible to coparent?

I don't want a relationship. I do want to trust the father of any future child.

[UrgentExitRequired]

I struggled to fully understand your story but i would say if you're having problems early on then perhaps look for another donor who you feel 100% with. X

[IrenetheQuaint]

I don't quite understand why you asked him to repeat the tests?

[bubblegumbubbles]

He gave them to me months ago. He randomly took them about a day after I first met him. I have no idea if he's had any sexual partners since as was months ago plus I literally just got sent a screenshot text saying his results. Could have been anyone's. I trust it was his but it I can't ask what I feel comfortable with I'm not really sure I can have a child with him all be it not a relationship but it's not a donor and never see again it's someone who wants to parent a child and be involved

[Persipan]

I'd suggest that of all your questions the one to focus on is whether you and he are compatible to co-parent. You're trying yourself in knots over this one thing - if you have a child with him, there will constantly be things you need to resolve between you. You've said yourself that you're not sure if you can have a child with him, and to be honest I think you've answered your own question, there. I'd also say I wonder if this is bigger than STI results - do you think that possibly you're subconsciously focusing on this one aspect of the situation as a sign to yourself to put the brakes on?