Unsure what to do with leftover embryos

(5 Posts)
TooManyHappyMeals Wed 14-Mar-18 15:18:20

I hope this is not insensitive to anyone who is trying and struggling to conceive. I truly understand the pain of infertility and the last thing I would want to do is hurt anyone. I would just like a space to write down all of my thoughts on something it's hard to talk about in real life.

DH and I have been through ICSI and had a freeze all cycle with 4 frozen embryos at grade 5AA. From there we had two FETs resulting in two successful pregnancies. It's unlikely we will have more children, 2DC is more than we ever thought we'd have and is our dream come true. That leaves us with two excellent quality embryos that are very much treasured by us.

As far as I can tell we have four options, discard them, donate them for treatment, donate them for research or donate them for training. To be honest none of these appeal much. The thought of discarding them is awful, as is the idea of them being disected and examined. That leaves donating them for treatment. The selfless part of me realises this could be a life changing act for an infertile couple like us who are desperate for a family. The selfish and uptight part of me can't deal with the thought of a child or children genetically the same as my own being out there. And being able to track us down at 18 and wonder why two of the embryos were raised as our children and one/two were not (I appreciate this is a bit crazy as they may not think that at all). I feel very protective and territorial over them! There's also my DH to think about, he is very unsure about donation.

I would be happy to donate my eggs although I'm not sure if I could as I had severe OHSS during the ICSI. That may be an alternative to feel I've 'given something back' but it still leaves us discarding our embryos.

Any thoughts, advice or experience? It goes without saying this is a massively emotional and sensitive subject which I'm trying to think very carefully about so please only thoughtful and respectful replies! Not along the 'they are a bunch of cells' lines. They have meaning to me.

OP’s posts: |
BibiThree Thu 15-Mar-18 08:16:15

I don't have any experience based advice, but of your 4 options, I'd be inclined to donate to a couple in need. The other options don't sit right with me, but I know this is a difficult and very personal decision.
Whatever your decision, congratulations on your two children smilesmile It must have been a difficult time but with the best outcome.

NanooCov Thu 15-Mar-18 09:47:46

Again I have no personal experience of this but I'd be inclined to donate for training or research. That's still very much "giving back". I'm afraid I wouldn't be comfortable to donate for treatment. Eggs yes but not embryos. It's really only something you and your DH can decide between you though.

Cutesbabasmummy Thu 15-Mar-18 16:48:16

Hiya. I have been in that situation. We have 1 DS who is 3 and he was conceived with donor eggs as I have a genetic condition which meant we didn't want to use my eggs. We had 1 failed FET cycle and conceived our son on our second FET. Just after his first birthday we got a letter from our Spanish Clinic offering to store the one remaining embryo for 600 euros per annum, donate it to another couple or donate it to research. Destroying it wasn't an option as they don't do that until you are 45 and I was 40 at the time.

Realistically we don't want another child - one was always the plan and we can cope financially with just one plus I had a really rough pregnancy.

The problem I had was that I could now see that little embryo as a little person that might look like my son, might have his little characteristics etc. it really really upset me.

600 euros a year for storing an embryo we wouldn't use seemed bonkers so that was out. My husband is the genetic father of our son and he didn't want a child out there that he would never know, and I agreed, so donating it was also out. They won't destroy it before I'm 45 so we were forced into donating it for research. We were later told that currently they do not have any research programmes taking place so I guess its still in the freezer. Please fee free to PM me if you want someone to chat to. It's very very hard.

TooManyHappyMeals Fri 16-Mar-18 20:47:57

Thank you - I appreciate the thoughtful responses. I wonder if I could make peace with donation for training, helping others learn the incredible skills they need to help other couples like us. Thanks again. star

OP’s posts: |

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