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Help? Using exH as donor?

10 replies

girraffe · 23/10/2017 20:17

I'm really broody. I have just ruined a relationship I was very happy in as he doesn't want more children. I have 1 DS with exH and PCOS and Endometriosis. I have a high BMI too that I need to bring down fast... I'm 33.

ExH coparents and has proposed being the donor for AI seeing how much I want it and he does too and since we have 1 DS already it kinda makes sense.

I'm not ready by any means to enter a relationship with exH. I'm somewhat gutted over ending my current relationship.

Would you do it?

Pros - a father, siblings with same parents, not going to give up on it easily,

Cons - what if it doesn't work and I spend years on this? what if it does and we end up getting back together? (I don't want to!!!)

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Mivery · 23/10/2017 20:23

Why do you have to get back together with him to have him be a donor? Why not just have another LO and continue to co-parent?

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Mivery · 23/10/2017 20:24

Oh and I'd like to add that if you're feeling very emotional about the end of your last relationship you shouldn't rush into any major decisions. Take some time and really figure out what you want.

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girraffe · 23/10/2017 20:25

I don't have to get back with him that's just what I'm scared will happen

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Hassled · 23/10/2017 20:27

I actually think it's a really nice idea, assuming your Ex is a nice bloke and a good father and that you can spend time together happily. And assuming he doesn't have ulterior motives - that he's not thinking this is the route to you being back together. If there's even a hint of that being on his mind then just don't go there. But if he's doing it as a friend, because he wants another child and knows you're a good mother and that's it, then it could work really well.

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girraffe · 23/10/2017 20:36

He's a nice bloke... but we were awful together iyswim, terrible dynamics. I just felt "free" to move on and it was right. If the other man wanted more I would have been incredibly happy but that's not the case.

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debbs77 · 23/10/2017 20:38

Great idea!

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girraffe · 23/10/2017 20:43

How does it work? I would want it to work asap and not have our lives on hold. How could I maximise everything?

GP has already prescribed metformin due to weight...

I had scans where they couldn't find my ovaries so I think they're pretty high up which could be also why I took so long to fall pregnant with DS (3 years of TTC and failed clomid attempts)

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SeaWitchly · 30/10/2017 11:55

Could be a good way forward but I would also suggest perhaps speaking with a fertility lawyer to ensure you understand the potential legal ramifications, ie. do you want Ex to be legal father of the child with all the rights and responsibility this conveys or merely a sperm donor who steps away from parental decision making.
If you set up a co-parenting relationship it means Ex may also have a claim for custodial rights in the future, or to decide what school your child attends, if they have medical treatment or not, etc.

Good website here - www.nataliegambleassociates.co.uk/
and good luck whatever you decide!

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MontytheSpookyMouse · 30/10/2017 12:02

I was a bit no way at the title but actually a child with a decent Co parenting father with a sibling with same father is better than many kids have it.