Can I afford it? Should I? Talk me through

(11 Posts)
cantletgoyet Tue 10-Oct-17 23:38:48

I am desperate to have another child. In a new relationship with someone who already has 2 and doesn't want more in the next few years.

I have known fertility issues so unlikely to have a happy (in my case - not his) accident

Really have no idea if the relationship would survive long term yet. I'd like it to but I honestly don't know if I can give up altogether on more children

I have one school age DD and I'm 35

No idea on the costs but considering if I should look into egg preservation?

Or if I should go full whack and start looking into donor sperm and either IUI or IVF?

As my partner doesn't use any protection (withdraws) there's a tiny part of me that wonders about just asking for clomid but I think that's broodiness talking and would probably end a relationship in reality and be a terrible thing to do? I have a battle in my head about the fact that he chooses not to use protection yet doesn't actually want to get me pregnant when someone else would possibly easily get pregnant from him... and a fair bit of resentment that he already has what I want

Not sure if my relationship would survive me using another donor sperm and having treatment but I might raise the idea with him to see what he'd react like as we don't live together, not married etc so it's more or less still a "dating" relationship

I do however hope it will survive and he makes me really happy so I don't want to just end things unless I have no other alternative

Anyone about to talk it over with?

OP’s posts: |
caffelatte100 Wed 11-Oct-17 08:38:05

I would talk to your partner about all these issues you mention here.
If you are desperate for a child and he isn't, it could be an incompatible relationship whereby you simply want different things and continuing forward is not feasible.

Then again, he may change his mind over time as some men do - but it can be seen as sensible as stopping at two for all sorts of practical and other reasons. The withdrawal method you mention sounds quite ridiculous and I would stop using this, of course, and you don't need people to tell you that you shouldn't try for a baby without his consent - that's not fair so I would take the temptation away.

You could investigate options of IVF, sperm donor etc so at least you know the costs/chances of it working so you can think about it.

cantletgoyet Wed 11-Oct-17 11:27:36

He is the one who won't use anything... I wouldn't mind if he really doesn't want to get me pregnant for him to use something

And of course as I would like it to happen I don't object... but I do track my cycles that we know when to avoid sex altogether

OP’s posts: |
MorrisZapp Wed 11-Oct-17 11:33:09

If you're 35 and using withdrawal you probably won't get pregnant.

It's a bit odd though when you don't live together and don't know how your relationship will pan out? Are you planning to be a single parent?

cantletgoyet Wed 11-Oct-17 13:33:11

Already am one... not "planning" to be but wouldn't be the end of the world for me and would be anyhow if I did donor sperm conception

OP’s posts: |
cantletgoyet Wed 11-Oct-17 13:41:29

He has said he wouldn't leave me if I did get pregnant by him... he just doesn't want that to happen but is only using withdrawal

OP’s posts: |
Diana17 Tue 14-Nov-17 07:36:22

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TheDonald Tue 14-Nov-17 07:46:37

Just to say I was in this situation with a casual partner a few years ago.

Already had dd and he knew I wanted another. He didn't use any protection but would pull out. I didn't make him wear a condom because I was hoping for an accident.

In the end I realised it was cruel and was making me miserable. It was like the monthly torture of infertility but with the guilt of knowing he wouldn't want it. I dont blame him entirely because i was being selfish too but it wasn't healthy all round.

I ended the relationship. Looking back he either didn't think or didn't care what it was doing to me. I wonder now what he'd have done if I had got pregnant.

're the donor sperm. I thought about it but in the end felt that it would be difficult to bring a child up without a dad when dd has such a great relationship with her dad.

I foster now part time. I love it and might do long term fostering in the next few years.

EarlGreyT Tue 14-Nov-17 07:53:27

Oh do piss off with your advertising Diana. It’s quite clear from your posts on other threads that you’re a troll here to advertise.

Biotexcom are as dodgy as hell which is why trolls like you come on here pretending to be genuine posters in order to advertise the clinic. No one in their right mind would touch your clinic with a barge pole.

penelopeopal Wed 22-Nov-17 06:20:14

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pamily Wed 22-Nov-17 06:30:28

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