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Help me get my head round donor eggs

(3 Posts)
Hobbes39 Tue 01-Aug-17 12:24:28

Hi, i was hoping that anyone in a similar situation to me can help with getting my head around using donor eggs, as I'm struggling... I'm 40, unexplained secondary infertility with a 4yr old little boy (naturally conceived).
We have been trying for a sibling for almost 2.5 years now with glimmers of success. My AMH is good for my age (15.4), and all my blood tests so far show decent LH, FSH etc. We have had 1 ectopic (self resolved) and then have done 2 fresh rounds of IVF, the first of which resulted in chemical pregnancy, but then the next fresh cycle (despite going better throughout) and our following frozen transfer, resulting in nothing. We have yet to have our follow up appointment from our recent failed FET (we only had one frozen embryo, so we'd be starting from scratch again) so haven't had a chance to speak to doctors about this yet, but I know that despite my decent AMH that I need to start thinking seriously about donor eggs....
I hope this doesn't offend anyone, I'm so sorry if I do, that certainly isn't my intention, but if any of you have experience of having a child through using donor eggs, after having a dc using your own eggs or naturally, then I'd love to hear how you reconciled that? I hope that I would love our child no matter what, and I hope this doesn't make me sound like an awful person, but I worry that that on a bad day I'd feel differently towards a child who wasn't genetically mine than I do with my ds? I feel awful admitting that's a worry, but it is. I think it would be easier if both dc were not genetically mine, but having one that is and the possibility of one that isn't, it worries me. Please don't think I'm awful, I just need some help to work it through in my head... thanks x

sunshineonasunnyday Wed 04-Oct-17 11:12:54

I am holding my beautiful 11 week old donor egg baby girl in my arms as I type. She is absolutely mine and I can't love her any more than I do - my heart feels like it will burst everytime I look at her.

I have a nearly 11 year old naturally conceived and had to resort to donor eggs after 6 years of trying. First attempt fresh was a chemical pregnancy, 2nd attempt frozen - nothing and my successful 3rd round was fresh and I had 3 put back (first two times had 2 put back) and used a different clinic.

To be honest from the moment I made my mind up about using donor I never thought about the child not being genetically mine. Have a read up on Epi genetics. We haven't told anyone that we used a donor egg and amazingly baby looks just like me and a carbon copy of my baby photos and everyone says so too... makes me smugly smile everytime.

I would advise you to attend a counselling session before making up your mind (I had to do this as part of the clinics protocol)

ScarlettInSpace Sun 08-Oct-17 09:43:08

I really struggled to get my head around donor egg, I have 2 step kids and thought a donor egg would be no different to them in that they would be his properly and not really mine (although I love them both very much!)

I agree with the pp though, reading about epigenetics was the game changer for me.

I was actually a bit taken aback at how protective I felt once we got the call to say of the 8 eggs we were given, 5 had fertilised. I don't know if it's because they were half DH or what but from that point on they were unequivocally ours and I was rooting so hard for them.

We ended up with one implanted & one in the freezer, I'm currently 25 weeks and it's already pretty rare I think about where the actual egg came from (although it goes without saying I'm utterly thankful to the donor & I hope she was successful too!)

We also haven't told anyone about using a donor - just my sister, his sister & one of my best friends. I'm glad we haven't it's no one else's business. A friend of my sister has done the same & she was quite open with people about using a donor & she regrets that now...

Lovely to hear that epigentics really did work sunshine and you got a little mini me!!

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