Single at 30 wanting to be SMBC and considering a donor

[bounce2006]

Hi guys,

I wanted to get your thoughts on my situation. I am 30 and single with a good career and place of my own. I have come to a point where I have decided that having a child is more important to me than being married or having a boyfriend. I feel that having a partner can come at any time but put off conceiving may lead to never conceiving at all. I am not declaring that I am 100% off men, but right now I have a strong desire to bear a child on my own. It's a really difficult topic to talk to with friends and family as they strongly believe in two parent families.

I have been researching in to the idea of sperm donors or coparenting? Please let me know your thoughts or if you have gone through this yourself how did it work out for you?

[pickle162]

Hi bounce. I am 33 and 19months ago decided that I was going to do the same. So researched as much as possible, tried to save up etc and then waited for best timings with work, could have done sooner but it was my choice not to. I feel in a good place to be doing it now :)
Last month I had my first try with donor sperm iui with care fertility. Unfortunately it didn't work but lining was good and follicles good size so It was just one of those things but no reason for it not to work. Will be trying again with my next cycle-I'm doing medicated iui so that all starts in a couple of weeks & iui in a month.

So my advice is to:
-look up local fertility clinics....see if that's for you or as you say other options are co-parenting (but this wasn't for me) and look at prices and see If doable
-look for seminars/events at local fertility clinics (usually free) and you will get lots more info
-Get a fertility MOT done so you can see what your AMH levels are (gives you an idea of how many eggs you have left etc)
-download a fertility app so you can start tracking your cycle and when you usually ovulate

Good luck :)

Pop onto this thread on here too, there are lots of girlies in same situation that have lots of valuable advice 😊
https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/donorconception/2944496--makeithappen-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-All-welcome-Thread-9?noti=1&utmmmedium=email&utmcampaign=WatchedThreadNotification&utmmcontent=WatchedThreadNotification+ID6555a97d-36be-430d-afc9-4fd402823fe9&utmmsource=newsletters&utmterm=A%20right%20good%20Rodgering%20and%20the%20500%20service%20charge

[bounce2006]

Thanks for getting back to me with this advice.

Goos luck with ttc x

[juneybean]

I was the same as you a few years ago when I was 29 and had two medicated DIUI at my local hospital (paid privately but it was an NHS clinic). Both failed unfortunately. They cost about £1200 a cycle with £300 for donor sperm.

I've since got married (to another woman) and we're trying for our first with a known donor at home which is considerably cheaper so I've got my fingers crossed.

[bounce2006]

@pickle162 How are you getting on? I'm now 5 weeks. Would be good to share the journey with someone.

[sourpatchkid]

Sorry to jump into your thread - you're 5 weeks pregnant? That's wonderful really made me smile, congratulations!

[pickle162]

@bounce2006 hey :) Im 6weeks + 3 days so only just ahead. I've got a scan next Friday (just standard at the clinic I used) and midwife appointment on 12th September 😁 feeling so horrendously sick ALL the time, even overnight. I want to cry constantly as I feel so yuck! How can I do this for another like 2 months of feeling so sick, just hoping sticky bean.
So excited for you!! Big congratulations x

[bounce2006]

@sourpatchkid thank you!!!

[bounce2006]

@pickle162 amazing! Sorry to hear you've been feeling sick. I don't feel anything at all. I'm sort of hoping I start to feel pregnant next week. I'm thinking of getting an early scan just to put my mind at ease - probably at the very end of the month. How do you feel about your decision in general? I'm ecstatic and in some ways proud of myself for taking control of my life/fertility, but in other ways I'm also anxious and worried about the reaction I'll receive. Feel free to reply on here or message me if you like x

[pickle162]

I didn't have anything either week 5 except boobs started feeling heavier. Then boom hello 6weeks now you will feel like 💩

Yeh will be lovely to have some going through all the stages with :)

[IDoDaChaCha]

Hi bounce I got 'broody' suddenly aged 27 after never having an interest in having children before that. I made myself a promise then that I'd wait until age 35 and if I hadn't met a man I would have children with, I'd have children on my own. As I've just posted on another thread I initially registered with a clinic but realised that it was too great a burden for me financially. So I found my own donor on a donation website and did AI home insemination. I went on LCHF diet for 3 months prior to trying to boost fertility. I got pregnant first try. DD is nearly 2. I'm looking for another donor as I want a sibling for DD (original donor only wanted to donate once). I'm offering my experience as an alternative route as you normally only hear about IUI/IVF experiences. I talked about my plans casually with friends and family for years but I've no doubt everyone thought it was just talk and I wouldn't go through with it. It was the best decision I ever made. If you want a baby go for it!

[IDoDaChaCha]

Ha bounce just read the other comments- congratulations!! Xx

[bounce2006]

Thank you @IDoDaChaCha I'm now 7 weeks! I think I used a similar route to you, i found a donation website and after a lot of conversation and check ups, I conceived via natural insemination. I'm very excited! I hope you find a second donor for your next baby. x

[IDoDaChaCha]

Oh wow bounce brilliant stuff I'm just at the beginning of searching for donor #2 so it's a way off yet. Also in the middle of buying a house- how much stuff can we pile on?! Ha. Are you feeling more 'pregnant' (nauseous and horrible) yet? Mine hit at 8wks and lasted til 4 months! Had two months of feeling great then was achy in pain and with huge ankles til I delivered. My body hated pregnancy ha. So I'll probably be like that again, but it's more than worth it! X

[pickle162]

How you feeling bounce you still keeping away from the nausea? I've been put on cyclizine to help with the vomiting, 6 times in an hour on Tuesday so rang dr surgery in tears. Tablets have really helped thank goodness.... not completely better BUT greatly improved 😊 8weeks + 4 today 😁

[HappyHedgehog247]

Hi. I did lots of research including speaking via phone to two women who had gone this route and reading lots online including Donor Conception Network. I've just tried my first AI attempt via a known donor via a website. Also booked into a clinic to check egg reserves etc if this round doesn't take. Wishing you luck x

[bounce2006]

@Pickle162 Oh no sorry to hear. Sounds terrible. How are you today?

The nausea is still with me, but now I have lost my appetite and find it a real struggle to eat anything :( I'm 7 + 1 today

[bounce2006]

@HappyHedgehog247 good luck!! Hopefully you won't need the egg reserve appt

[IDoDaChaCha]

HappyHedgehog247 good luck! X

[HappyHedgehog247]

Thankyou @bounce2006 and @IDoDaChaCha

Bounce, I may try NI next cycle with my donor as have got quite comfortable with him despite meeting him off a website as a stranger!

IDoDa, good luck finding your next donor x

[IDoDaChaCha]

Thanks Happy

[thaigreencurry82]

Hello another single-mum-by-choice-to-be here, i'm currently 13+3. It's so exciting being on this journey! If any of you are London-based, there is a meeting planned on the Southbank for other SMBC, message me for details x

[bounce2006]

@thaigreencurry82 Have just messaged you different username, but it's still me. lol.

Congratulations to you! It is very all very exciting yes x

[thaigreencurry82]

Great! i've messaged you, hope you can make it when we decide a date x
And congratulations to you too!

[IsabelHerna]

Hi ladies! Congratulations to both of you, I was just wondering how is life treating you being a SMBC? Would love some advice for down the road, do you think there is something I should be doing to proper -appart from ttc 😂

[bounce2006]

Hi @IsabelHerna

So lovely to see my old thread revived! I now have 3.5 year old and a newborn, both with the same donor! Life is treating me great, i love being a mum but it hard work! no denying that! What kind of advice were you looking for? and yes! the sooner you TTC the better I suppose. There are lots of smbc groups out there, the Frolo app and other mummy meet up type things. I actually didn't find them that useful in the end as I found that lots of my friends had kids around the same time as me, so didn't really have the time (or energy) to invest in new ones.