I was conceived by donor sperm: here if anyone has questions about what it's like

[elevenswan]

I don't know if this will be any help to anyone on here but I was conceived by donor sperm and I'm now an adult (29). My mum went through the agony of infertility until her and my dad were able to have me via anonymous donor sperm. She had no one to ask about it in terms of what it would be like for me growing up etc. and was worried. It ended up being absolutely fine!

So if you have any questions about what it's like to find out, or to be grow up donor conceived, or how it affects things, feel free to ask!

[Thereturningwonderer]

Hi eleven,
What a fab person & poster you are
I have a DD by donor sperm & whilst I can't think of any questions off the top of my head, all that's springing to mind is that we have the book from The Donor Conception Network aimed at our daughter. The book is readily available in her bookcase as & when she chooses. She's 2. We intend to be honest with no deceit - what are your thoughts on this? Did your parents do anything that upset you regarding the making of you?

Sounds like they did a great job with you

[elevenswan]

My mum kind of went about it all wrong with the best intentions...my dad had only done it on the condition that I was never told. She did go against his wishes though after they had split up and told me when I was a teenager and I wish she had been able to be more open and honest about it. I guess it was a different time though 30 years ago!

That's the key to the whole thing I guess, and answering any questions your DD may have. I was and still kind of am fascinated by why I look the way I look and that kind of thing so maybe be prepared for that to come up a lot! I valued having lots of pictures of my mum's family so I could see where I got some traits, I really wanted to feel like I could see half of where I came from.

It's a strange situation and you rarely meet anyone else who's been through the same thing so I think the donor conception network is great, they helped me a lot

[elevenswan]

Oh and also, my mum has always told me that I was conceived with donor sperm because they wanted me so so much, and that's always helped to make me feel better about it too!

[Hopeful25]

Hello eleven thank you for posting - I am nearly 11weeks pregnant with my first child using donor sperm.

Gosh I think I could ask about a million questions but I'll try and capture what issues are at forefront of my mind

1. you mention you were told as a teenager and would have liked to have known earlier. Would you have preferred to have always known or have been told at an age you could more easily understand?
   
2. do you mind others knowing about donor conception?
   
3. have you told people about donor or did other people (family?) know before you knew? If latter how did that make you feel?
   
4. any other advice regarding telling my child that will make them feel good about talking about it and still loved and special and ok with how they were conceived .
   
   Once again thank you for posting. I have thought about this for four years before conceiving and not gone into this lightly but great to hear the opinion of someone who is on the other side so to speak and what is important
   
   All the best to you and your family xxxxx

[Hookedoncatnip]

Thanks for posting.

We have a 2 yo conceived via donor egg and an 8yo who wasn't donor conceived.

I'm wondering about what would be a good way of letting them both know taking into account their different levels of understanding. I would hate for the donor thing to be an issue between the two of them. Any advice gratefully received.