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HELP - everything has gone wrong

(3 Posts)
oiaue Mon 24-Apr-17 21:56:17


Struggling to know where to place this message - adoption? Donor? Infertility?

Twins were a stillbirth and a neonatal death. Then an early miscarriage five months later. TTC for a few months last year before asking for the help that was freely offered without needing to have gone through many months of failure because of my age and history of loss.

So, we launch into the months of investigations in prep for IVF, get to the crunch and NOW the husband leaves.

As if that wasn't bad enough, there's something 'lurking' in my womb and I'm waiting for an MRI, possibly a hysteroscopy after that.

I'm 41. What are my chances? I want to be a mum more than I want him back in my life (which is never going to happen anyway). How can I do this alone?

I can take some harsh realities - plenty of those around. But dear oh dear, I wish there was some true hope out there too. False hope, you can keep.

Thank you in advance...

Thereturningwonderer Thu 27-Apr-17 18:26:43

Good Lord, OP flowerscake

I am so sorry for what you have suffered physically & emotionally.

There is true hope.

I was trying for 19 years. Started at 20, gave birth at weeks before my 40th by donor sperm & egg.

I will write more tomorrow if you'd like some company but have to go to work now.

You have the right mindset & the chance is 50/50 smile You go for it & it works ir it doesn't. The odds aren't against you xx

somethingrosier Thu 18-May-17 10:16:18

I have had a neonatal death, and an early loss, too. I'm so sorry you've had to go through those things, and I'm so sorry your husband has left. It just seems to terribly unfair that these things happen, doesn't it? There' s great loss community out there too, if that's something you're interested in.

Going about it alone isn't actually as difficult, or expensive, as going at it with a husband! You pay significantly less to use a donor's sperm – whose bloods and health have already been checked – than to use your husbands at first. You shell out a huge amount for his checks.

I believe that your chances with IVF are just you do or you don't. It's 50/50 in that sense, but it's not literally 50/50 at all for anyone, but I'm sure you know that by now. Your age is a little bit against you, but from what I have seen if you go via IVF it's not such a huge disadvantage assuming you have some good eggs. If not, there is donor eggs.

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