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Is time running out for me at 28?

(13 Posts)
PlainJain Sun 09-Apr-17 10:11:47

I am really considering having an IUI with donor sperm (single lesbian). I keep putting it off, worried about what family and friends will think of me willingly choosing to become a single mother by a man I will never meet. The years seems to be passing so quickly, summer, then Christmas, then summer again, I feel like I'm getting older and need to start making plans. My mum went through early menopause so I'm also worried the same may happen to me.

I don't even know how to begin the process, or how much it'll cost. I don't think I have any fertility problems, I have regular periods and can tell when I'm ovulating.

Anyone care to share their experiences?

Katmeifyoucan Sun 09-Apr-17 10:13:22

Would you consider freezing your eggs?

PlainJain Sun 09-Apr-17 10:17:01

I don't think so Kat, I would like a child sooner rather than later as I don't want to be an older mother (not that there's anything wrong with that)

Katmeifyoucan Sun 09-Apr-17 11:30:47

Then go for it. Who cares what friends/family think! It is your body, your life and hopefully your baby. I have no experience with donor conception but I know many on Mumsnet have so hopefully they will be along soon with advice. Good luck smile

Singingforsanity Sun 09-Apr-17 12:11:58

Perhaps go for some fertility tests and start looking into your options? Do you feel ready to be a parent? not that I did

PlainJain Sun 09-Apr-17 17:11:55

So ready! smile Well apart from the fact that I'll need to move somewhere bigger, maybe closer to friends/family... it always feels like it's the 'wrong' time because of my current circumstances, keep telling myself, I'll do it when I move, I'll do it when I've got some more money saved up, I'll do it when I meet someone ready to help me, or when I have a more established career or start my own business and run it for a couple of years... but I've been single for six years now and I've always been happier on my own.

zaalitje Sun 09-Apr-17 18:15:48

See if you can get your AMH levels checked, it's a blood test that will let you know ovarian reserve and give you a good idea how much time you have to play with.

Singingforsanity Sun 09-Apr-17 21:18:33

Then I say go for it! 😃

witchmountain Mon 10-Apr-17 10:22:10

Make an appointment with a fertility clinic and they will check AMH and count your antral follicles. Many also offer implications counselling so you can think through the decision and understand the legal framework around contact a bit better.

Feel free to come and join us on the donor conception thread. Some are doing treatment here and some abroad. Some with donor sperm from the uk and some using a uk clinic but sperm from abroad. You'll hear lots of experience there! If you read the intros on the latest thread you'll get an idea.

The Donor Conception Network is a useful source of information too.

Snorkmaiden85 Thu 13-Apr-17 21:55:08

Hi Jain! I related to a lot of your post. I've been single since I was 28, I'm now 32 and about to start fertility treatment with donor sperm, and feel very positive about it.

I have had it in the back of my mind as a plan for a few years, but started thinking seriously about it last summer. My first steps were to do some reading on the Internet, like witch I'd recommend the Donor Conception Network which has some great information for single women, and helped me to realise that I'm so far from alone in making this decision. I also bought 'choosing single motherhood' by Mikki Morissette which I have found very useful.

After that I called a local clinic which runs open evenings including one specifically for single/lesbian women, going along to that was so helpful to understand the process, and what the costs would be.

I too worried about what other people would say, I was especially worried that people would think I was too young to be doing it this way and should wait. But actually I've been constantly pleasantly surprised by how supportive those I've told have been. I was very choosy about who I told in the beginning when I was feeling more tentative about things, but actually overwhelmingly people have been very supportive. And now I feel strong and confident enough in my decision that I can handle a few doubters and brush off any negativity.

Support on here has been invaluable too - please do have a look on the Donor Conception thread, everyone is lovely! Even having the support that I do from friends and family, it has been so reassuring and helpful to talk to other people who understand what I'm going through.

Like you I feel very happy on my own, and confident that I can provide a loving, stable environment for a child. Totally agree that there's never a 'right' time! I think that is the same whether you're married, single, or whatever. Since making this decision I feel very confident that I'm ready and just want to get on with it smile

Snorkmaiden85 Thu 13-Apr-17 21:57:52

I'd really recommend seeing if you can pop along to an open evening at a clinic as a first step of you're thinking of going down that route, it really helped clarify things for me.

CycleHire Thu 13-Apr-17 22:02:49

To me, it sounds like you are ready but you're worried about other people. Are they likely to change their minds as you get older? I guess not so there's no benefit waiting just for them.

I am a parent with a husband and I'm being honest it's still hard. Make sure you get your support around you for the early days / months. If there's no man in your life (presumably not 😀) then think about male role models.

Good luck with it all.

CycleHire Thu 13-Apr-17 22:04:24

Oh yes. In case you wonder why I'm barging in on your thread, we had our son with donor eggs (mine were knackered - another reason to get on with it if you're planning to) so the donor conception threads always catch my eye.

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