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On the Mumsnet Donor Conception forum, you can discuss sperm and egg donation with people in the same situation.

Donor conception

Looking for reassurance/feedback

6 replies

HappyHedgehog247 · 29/03/2017 20:40

Hello

I'm a single divorced mum of a 4 year old and looking to have a second child. I'm 42, otherwise I would happily wait to hopefully find someone. In the absence of that I've been looking at my options and now getting serious.

I'm worried about anonymous sperm donation from the perspective of the child and then feeling a sense of loss/searching and not knowing their identity and history, but open to feedback on this view. I read some opinions of adults conceived this way who had grown up as sperm donor children. Wish I could put this concern out of my mind as it would be the easiest option.

So as an alternative I am now in active discussion with someone on a sperm donor and co-parenting website. He does not want active involvement as has children of his own but is willing to be identified and provide occasional contact (letters etc.). Has anyon had a donor relationship like that?

Thank you very much.

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JoJoSM2 · 31/03/2017 23:12

No experience whatsoever. But I'm wondering if the letters would make it even worse? I think it's better to have a mother only than a 'father' who's involvement includes an occasional letter - the child definitely wouldn't feel loved and special in such an arrangement.

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INeedNewShoes · 31/03/2017 23:16

I considered this route too risky. Until the child is here you can't be sure the donor won't change his mind and decide he wants to be dad which could lead to all sorts of hassle that might be more damaging to the child than going via official channels so that you are protected and if you use a contactable donor your child will be able to make contact at 18.

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HappyHedgehog247 · 01/04/2017 07:06

Thank you. Both these comments have got me thinking.

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witchmountain · 02/04/2017 17:11

What shoes said! It's just clearer that way. Have you a had a look at the Donor Conception Network? You might find some useful info there.

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witchmountain · 02/04/2017 17:12

Good luck by the way! Do come and join us on the donor IUI/IVF thread if you'd like to.

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HappyHedgehog247 · 02/04/2017 17:36

Thanks witch. Joined DCN today! I've signed up for a workshop. In the meantime have been talking with someone off one of the co-parenting websites. Considering natural conception but perhaps I'm crazy. Not making any decisions until I've done more research so will look at the IUI thread. Thanks so much for commenting. X