Lesbian couple(12 Posts)
Me and my wife are looking to get pregnant but being a same sex couple this is a bit tricky. I'm looking for some ideas, tips and advice of the best route to follow
My wife's twin brother's sperm. Might seem strange to some, but we have a normal contract, talked about it a looot and we currently live on different continents.
But we wanted our baby to know their biodad. And we didn't want to "buy" the sperm. Not for financial reasons (children are obviously way more expensive) but for moral reasons....
Well, not a normal contract, but a contract
Personal moral reasons.
I'm not saying going to a sperm bank is wrong, not at all.
but we both had some personal issues with that thought (sheesh, I have foot in mouth disease today, sorry...!)
Have you read the info stonewall produced- think it's called pregnant pause?
You can get sperm delivered from abroad- different prices depending on motility, delivery options etc then you home inseminate, I think if you get it in the nitrogen rather than dry ice it actually lasts a few days. Careful with sperm banks abroad though- they have different anonymity laws so although the anonymous donors are cheaper, if you're ordering to the uk then you have to choose a non anonymous donor. Sweden is known for its good sperm banks and being abroad less chance of half sisters and brothers living nearby imo!
You could go to a fertility clinic here- but you pay for a lot of extras like ultrasounds and fertility tests so can cost more. Don't think you can just buy the sperm to use at home in the U.K.
IVF rules apply different depending on postcode, in most areas you get one cycle free on nhs if one of you is infertile although you have to prove you've tried first... and usually they say this has to be done through a clinic rather than at home. Clinic also has higher chance of it working than home insemination.
Obviously the option of asking a friend or gay couple but not so easy to find IRL. Can find some via online forums but obviously don't have the health screening with it.
There's a website too that matches you with potential donor- have forgotten it's name but on google
PS very sorry if you've already researched all this and I'm telling you how to suck eggs!!
I also opf for Denmark, as Viviene posted
Though they have different anonymity laws abroad if you are ordering to the UK for HOME insemination the laws don't apply and you don't have to worry yourself with them.
If you ask a friend of gay couple, then usually they'd be the legal father, but as you're married, again, no need to worry.
I used the internet, a website called "coparents", it's a bit like a dating website where you really have to trawl through to find anyone decent, but it's possibly a start! There's definitely some good'uns on there!
Also gay couple, 17w with first child.
We considered brother, friend, gay coparents etc. and signed up for the coparent web site but decided in the end that we wanted it to be clearly just two parents, so we went for ivf with an anonymous donor.
Ivf because insemination takes so long and ivf is free where we live.
Our friends had 18 tries with both mothers trying because where they lived they don't do investigation until after 5 unsuccessful attempts per woman, which is a lot of cash. We had hormones, clotting factors and tubes checked first so knew that one tube was blocked, so saved ourselves from literally spunking away half our cash on insemination. Id don't know what the nhs will do for you but you might want to see.
If you use a known donor, our clinic told us that there is only a 10% chance that their sperm will be perfect. This was also a factor for us in finally deciding to use an anonymous donor.
If you use a donor, make sure you can reserve samples for a second child if you think you might want to. We have 30ish straws for child number two.
I've read that inseminating at home with frozen sperm from a bank is very hit and miss. You might want to reseach the success rates between this and clinics and see what you think.
There is no best route, just the one that is best for you both.
As the non-gestational mother of number 1 (I'm having number 2) I was surprised how extremely attached I feel to the baby, and I think this is because the donor is anonymous and because I arranged all the clinic stuff. I really feel that I got her pregnant somehow because I was so involved, although actually it was another woman, a very nice doctor, who got her pregnant.
We went to a clinic that advertises a lot to the gay community and has a special web site for lesbians. I didn't want to feel like an exception to the rul during the treatment. It's nice because there are always other lesbians in the waiting room and at the information evenings.
Just to address the ultrasounds mentioned above, the clinic does these to see if there's really a follicle before inseminating. This was good for us as it saved us wasting samples.
My dw and I ended up using Cryos. We had the straws delivered to our home and got lucky the first go. I just gave birth to our little boy in May.
However we started out on pride angel. We really wanted to meet our donor. Plus, the lifespan of fresh sperm is up to 7 days, so that's a bonus. We had a donor who didn't want contact, just a yearly update and the willingness to meet the child at 18, should the child want to meet him. However, we only managed 1 try in 6 months because of scheduling conflicts. He was a lovely guy, but he was a photographer and travelled a lot, so he ended up cancelling every other time we were ready to try. We didn't want to go through the process of finding another donor that way or meeting up in hotels for his donation (these arrangements will vary depending on the donor- this one didn't want to know where we lived or us him to keep it somewhat anonymous for now). In the end, we opted for Cryos, bought 8 straws of MOT 20, 6 of which are still in storage for a sibling. We used 2 for our insemination, 1 straw for each insem during that cycle, and I got the BFP.
Best of luck.
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