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I am really confused

(1 Post)
funnysmells Sun 21-Aug-16 21:15:07

I don't know where to begin typing but I just can't seem to get my shit together and wanted some advice.

I have been seeing someone for a couple of months, dancing around starting the courtship for 3 or 4 months before that.

Pros: Fancy the pants off him, he is kind, he is so funny, he is loving, affectionate, great sex, great conversation, he loves my kids and vice versa, he's a great dad to his own kids, he is the person I want to wake up to and tell stuff to and I know he feels the same. I know he'd never cheat, I feel I can trust him 100%, I can imagine growing old with him and never getting bored and I know he feels all of this and more for me.

The problem: This is so hard to put into words, but I think the best way to say it is that he is just not always there. I'm not clingy or needy, but he sort of drifts back and forth a bit and it's not at all unusual for him to not phone or text me once in the week because he works a lot.

The thing is that it makes me feel bad every time he doesn't call me or keep in touch, and yes, I have told him this and no, he does not bend or change at all and i know he has had the exact same problem with past relationships and he's not going to change.

I can't get my head together to decide what I think or feel. I want to be with him by I swing between thinking I am just being silly and should take him as he is and not try and fit a round peg in a square hole and other times I feel so angry that he cannot make a simple fucking daily phonecall to keep our bond going because when he doesn't I feel like he does not give a shit.

Can anyone give me differing perspectives?

In the long run the talk is of us living together, retiring together, our kids are almost grown and he is a self confessed workaholic but he is also a fantastic guy who clearly idolises me and would be devastated to lose me but in the short run, I feel like I am only part time in his head.

I felt at first when he did this that I was being dumped or ghosted, but over time saw it is just his way. He goes off for a few days of silence, then drifts back lie nothing happened and makes it abundantly clear he has missed me and was thinking about me.

In my mind I am equating consistency, daily contact, daily calls, always being his first priority with how much he cares for me or likes me and I am wondering if I have this all wrong and that none of that means he does not care for me.

Being honest, what is really worrying me is that perhaps this behaviour is proof that I love / like him more because if he felt the same as me he would never want to wake up in the morning or to to bed without speaking to me.

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