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Co-parenting with a five year old

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FrustratedC0ffeeDrinker Sun 01-Nov-20 00:42:28

Evening, I would really appreciate anyone's advice on the following situation,

I live with my stbxh in the family home with our 5 year old daughter. We are currently going through an acrimonious divorce, and I have had to take my ex to court due to non-disclosure of finances etc. This is on-going and the tension is rising.

I am currently on sick leave due to the stress of the situation but return full-time soon. My ex does not work as he is living off of his savings and has not taken any action to find employment. He was previously employed in a fairly well paid professional job. As part of the financial court proceedings he is claiming to be the main carer and during arguments he has taken to discrediting my parenting, and calling me crazy etc. I also feel that he is trying to alienate me from our daughter, and his solicitor has threatened me with an occupation order.

Neither of us wants to leave the family home. I have previously suggested 50/50 parenting, but he has not responded to this. I am very ill due to the stress of this, and he regularly takes advantage of this by not sticking to agreed times for when he is to bring our daughter home after she has stayed at his mother's house.

I have now got to the point that in order to protect our child I feel I need to suggest that we take it in turns to occupy the family home with our daughter on a week by week basis. Each party would then stay with a relative during the week they don't have parental responsibility. We both have relatives nearby and so this could easily work. I envisage this would continue until such time the finances have been agreed, and we can then move on with our lives. We envisage selling the family home, and I would buy my own property.

Does anyone have a similar set-up to this? As our daughter is only 5, I believe that it would be appropriate for me to speak with her on a daily basis i.e., a telephone call etc. It is so difficult because my ex and I cannot even talk to each other without an argument, and I also feel bullied by him. Whatever I say to him gets twisted and he gaslights me.

To make things more difficult he tried to control the situation further by signing our daughter up to a private school without my knowledge. Whilst before we split I was happy with this choice, he took the steps to sign her up after we split. I said that I was unhappy for her to attend the school as I did not want to liable for any of the fees, and I knew that he would use this as a tool to control me and our daughter. As it happens she has ended-up attending this school and is very happy there. I was put in a position whereby I would have had to take him to court to stop her attending the school.

Apologies for the rambling message, but any advice would be appreciated - especially on how you manage communication with your child when the other parent has them. Thank you!

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