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Help - decree nisi next week

(26 Posts)
REDreader Tue 06-Oct-20 12:36:02

Hi everyone

I filed for divorce mid August and I'm scared to curse it by saying it but I'm amazed by how quickly its progressing to far. All the paper work I submitted was emailed and approved by ex within a month and its at court next week for the decree nisi. If its at court next week how soon will I be notified the decree nisi has been issued?

I'm starting to hope that if its through by the end of the month, its possible it'll be done and dusted by the end of the year??? (I will most definitely be applying for my decree absolute within 6 weeks and 1 day). Financially there isn't anything that could cause a delay - we both earn equal amounts, no debt and we don't own property. We have kids but he's more than happy with seeing them once a week (too busy partying and messing around with girls nearly half his age angry ). I paid for the divorce upfront and doing it directly through HMCTS (no solicitors involved)

Am I daft to think this could actually be over soon? After the shittiest 2 years possible starting 2021 as a 'free divorcee' would be amazing.

Thanks in advance to anyone who replies

OP’s posts: |
Ohthisisfun Tue 06-Oct-20 12:54:43

Similar situation here! Applied for divorce mid August. STBXH responded and approved paperwork etc. Applied for Decree Nisi but I haven't been given a court date for the Decree Nisi yet so you are a bit ahead of me. Once you get the Decree Nisi, you have to wait 6 weeks 1 day before applying for the absolute. I assume the Decree Nisi is issued the same day as the court hearing? But I'm not sure and I'm hoping someone else can give a more accurate answer as I'm interested in the answer too. Hopefully you can get it all done by the end of the year.

Ohthisisfun Tue 06-Oct-20 12:56:20

How long after applying for Decree Nisi did you get given a court date? And how long between applying for the Decree Nisi and the actual court date?

REDreader Tue 06-Oct-20 13:09:43

Hi Ohthisisfun smile

Its nice to have someone else in the same boat! At the moment I feel like the only person in the world going through a divorce! Apologies in advance for probably incorrect terminology but my timeline so far is as follows ( I have a divorce email folder);

28/8/20 - Application submitted (thought I did it a week or 2 earlier than that)

5/9/20 - Application sent to ex for him to confirm he's happy with what I've submitted (he did this the same day)

9/9/20 - Email from HMCTS to confirm my ex wouldn't be defending the divorce

28/9/20 - Email from HMCTS to say district judge will formally announce on 15/10/20 (and after this I'll be told if I can apply for my decree absolute)

OP’s posts: |
BeHappyAndSmile Tue 06-Oct-20 13:18:25

I did exactly the same as you in January and I've just checked and the decree absolute came in June 😊 good luck!

REDreader Tue 06-Oct-20 13:28:44

Aww that's brilliant BeHappyAndSmile. Thank you, I've read so many horror stories about it being such a long process. I'd like to think they read the application I sent and thought 'this poor lass has been through enough already - lets speed it up for her' wink grin

OP’s posts: |
REDreader Tue 06-Oct-20 13:29:41

I say application, it was more like a novel really..... grin

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Ohthisisfun Tue 06-Oct-20 13:39:22

@REDreader My timeline is almost the same but a week earlier up until the third part on your list. I am waiting for an email to give me a Nisi hearing date but looking at your timeline I think mine should come soon. What date did you submit the Decree Nisi application? I also applied online.

REDreader Tue 06-Oct-20 13:44:19

@Ohthisisfun Sorry forgot to put that bit in, that was the 9th September too, just after HMCTS had emailed to say my ex had responded and wouldn't be defending

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Ohthisisfun Tue 06-Oct-20 13:50:43

@REDreader That great! Do you have a financial or consent order or anything to do before decree absolute? If not I bet yours is done by Christmas! I'm hoping mine is done by the end of the year. I will definitely have to celebrate it grin

REDreader Tue 06-Oct-20 14:00:15

No not going for the consent order. We don't own property or have savings and despite him being a total d**k, money wise he's been pretty good. I am definitely celebrating!!!! Its been a mixed bag of emotions really and although I know I'm doing the right thing I'm still sad how it all turned out. I think it all being finalised for me will be the closure I need. It would certainly be the best Christmas present I've had in a while if its all done by then (and a fantastic new year wine grin). Fingers crossed for us both, here's to a better future! flowers

OP’s posts: |
Ohthisisfun Tue 06-Oct-20 14:34:07

@REDreader no consent order here either so hopefully speedy for us both! Yes it would be an excellent Christmas present grin

Ohthisisfun Thu 15-Oct-20 20:18:15

@REDreader I hope everything went well today!

REDreader Fri 16-Oct-20 08:21:54

Thanks Ohthisisfun. I kinda hoped I'd get an email to confirm it had all gone through but nothing so far sad. Its been one of those weeks where I've been up and done and upset about how it came to this. He feels absolutely no guilt at all about what he did (long story there...…) and just continues with his horrific behaviour. Ahhhh well, has your hearing date come through yet?

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REDreader Fri 16-Oct-20 08:24:52

@Ohthisisfun - Also read somewhere that the absolute can come through within 24 hours if you're doing it online yourself. That could mean the end of November for me!!!

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Ohthisisfun Fri 16-Oct-20 08:51:37

@REDreader Hopefully you get an email soon! I've read the same about the absolute so you could be divorced in 6 weeks from now. My date came, a couple of weeks more to wait but then I should be able to do the decree absolute 6 weeks 1 day later so still in time for Christmas grin

REDreader Fri 16-Oct-20 09:33:49

Fingers crossed @Ohthisisfun, I keep logging into my account to check if any updates. Glad your date came through at last. I feel like I've been on total countdown and I think my overall aim is to get to the 2 year anniversary date of when all this first started (early Jan) and to just be divorced and feeling better about everything.

Is everything amicable with your ex? Mine is when it suits him but I don't think he actually expected me to file for divorce as for a while things looked as if we could work through it and in the past I've always forgiven his bad behaviour. He got a shock this time and its why I think he's been worse then ever because he's trying to punish me for having the cheek to leave him!! grin

OP’s posts: |
REDreader Fri 16-Oct-20 13:23:23

Decree nisi issued and I can apply for absolute after the 27th November 🙂

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vilouno Tue 20-Oct-20 12:03:13

@REDreader @Ohthisisfun sorry to butt in on your conversation but as someone who is currently in the same boat as both of you I would not recommend applying for an absolute without a financial consent order. Even with no assets to split at the moment, if either of you was to come into any monies in the future even the likes of inheritance/lotto winnings etc. your exes could come back and lay claim to it, as a divorce alone does not separate you financially. Its unlikely to be half but I personally know someone who had to pay £50k to their ex upon selling a house over 15 years post divorce!

Ohthisisfun Tue 20-Oct-20 13:30:01

@vilouno How much does it cost? STBXH doesn't want a financial order so if I insist on one it will not be amicable and I don't have the money for fighting him over it.

vilouno Tue 20-Oct-20 14:29:34

@Ohthisisfun you can do a fair bit of it yourself but you do need to know the financial details of the other party, I decided to go without a full disclosure which meant that I completed Form A and Form D81 (available online) and submitted to the court with a draft consent order. The court fee is £50 but it cost me about £600 to get the consent order drafted. I've since found from looking at a friends approved consent order from years ago that they all appear to be fairly similar and I wish I had just copied hers now! It might be worth searching online for a example draft consent order or if there is any way to DM it I could send one? If there are no assets to split could it not be sold to him that its for his future protection so he knows you can't appear and start demanding money in 20 years? The sticking point may be the additional delay, as it really needs to be done before absolute and the turnaround time is currently about 10-12 weeks from what I can gather, so potentially another 6 week wait for you as you'd have to wait 6 to apply for your absolute once the nisi is granted anyway, to me it was worth it to know that our financial ties are well and truly severed! hope thi9s helps x

HosannainExcelSheets Tue 20-Oct-20 16:58:15

Please everyone on this thread get a consent order. It's really important and you can get one through an online service for about £200 if you've already agreed the terms. Otherwise you stay open to your ex making financial claims against you forever. You might just need a clean break order if it's really simple. But definitely do it.

sadwithkiddies Tue 20-Oct-20 20:21:12

a consent order HAS To be written by a solicitor or legal bod, you can't do it yourself, don't know why....

but yes, protect yourself.

my divorce is taking forever because of money & kids, the decree nisi was super quick, but fighting over the other stuf....yuk

REDreader Tue 20-Oct-20 20:49:35

Thanks for the advice everyone. At this point in time I can't afford a consent order and need the closure from the divorce. Although I know my ex is a d**k he knows he's punished me enough already with his behaviour. Financially I know now I could ask him for a random amount of money and he'd get it for me, thats one thing I can't fault him over. Plus I've heard from mutual friends his new girlfriend saying they've talked about marriage already........ 🤬😡😪

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MorningNinja Tue 20-Oct-20 22:27:43

I'm going through the process now. Nisi granted and I've just had a solicitor draw up the consent order...absolutely no way am I getting this far and not having a clean break.

There is absolutely no way I'm having my ex knocking on my door in years to come asking for cash.

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