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Separating and family house-options

(6 Posts)
missha20 Fri 25-Sep-20 10:47:49

Well do my best on breathing exercise today to calm down and think clear. Being married for 11 years and released there was a lot of going on with my husband beyond my back. To be short is last week I found out he is heavy gambling on football bets and today I found out he had a big debt on credit card and dating/talking to other women online. All emotions are not relevant to me at the moment as I want to talk to him tonight to force the truth come out. Sure we will end up separating and as we have 7 ye child I need to think what is best option for him now so need to see my option in regards of family house. I understand I need to get a solicitor- could anyone guide me on the roughly cost for this? We have joined mortgage with 17 years left to pay and the house is on the both names. I paid 25% deposit from my own personal savings (earned before we get married) and he is paying monthly repayments for about 9 years now. We both work full time so I can afford to pay mortgage by myself really. So now what are my options really? Sell the house is not an option at the moment at all, the market is rubbish and we will not get the price wanted.
1) Stay in the house with him moving out (sure he will) and keep it until the child is 18. Then sell and split the equity -question how the split will be done? Would it depend on who is paying mortgage before/now or not? Lets say he refused to pay so I have to do it but how we split in on the sell then? I know it is 50/50 legally but not sure if any other circumstances are taking into consideration in this case. I would prefer this option really as I will have a lump inheritance in the next 10 years -not a huge but would be enough to add to the my portion of equity and secure another small mortgage.
2) Get a remortgage and "buy him out" -this is no doubt that he would want to do. Saying that I dont think I can afford to pay new repayments for 25 years again and otherwise to increase the amount. At the moment (thanks to MY deposit as well) we pay 25 % of my net earning and even with top of bills/childcare costs I can do it. If any matter my grandparent will help me in case of struggle. I dont have any debts and brilliant credit report. Again in case of remortgage I am not sure if bank will see my as good enough lender as a single parent with a dependant .
I know that law if free from any emotions and there is no such a thing as fare/not fare. But to be clear I dont want him to be able to get to the property ladder. This would be wrong in so many ways. When we get married he was middle age highly skilled professional with no house and no savings but a big debt on the credit card. The nature of this debt is unclear (now I am thinking gambling?). We had long distance relationships for a while and then I relocated I left very well paid job, family and friends to move in with him. And I paid the last chunk of his debt. So when it came to buy a house together again how he did not manage to save anything for all these years working hard and on much better many then me? He didnt have ex way and kids on him to support. Getting a mortgage was a nightmare as he had CCJ and bad credit rating so I worked together with an adviser for 6 months before we find a lender. If it was not MY deposit of 25% we could never get it. He is on well paid job now, high rate tax payer and we stop gambling he can save for a deposit easy. During all these years while he was building up his career I was working full time and full time looking after our child, doing all house work and paying for childcare/holidays and all extra except house/insurance/utility bills that he was paying. We dont have joined bank account as he was always overprotective for his "personal money". Instead of saving he was blowing away money for gambling -I know his salary and know that all our family expenses that he pays take about 30% of his monthly earnings. We never bought anything for the last 7 years (even push chair and kids furniture was bought from my salary) -we did not put a new kitchen not a house extension not a car not expensive holidays. Nothing! I checked his bank statements and the amount he wasted on gambling for 2.5 years is the same as deposit I paid on our house!!! So he could easily get a second mortgage with his very good salary or secure a lump for our child education for example. It makes me want to scream as for years he was saying to me how hard he is working FOR US so he neglected his family life to put all pressure on me and gave him all support needed. He never being involved in childcare/kid live. At weekend I use to take our child to different clubs/activities but he never took a part saying he is tired/need to prepare something for work etc. So what was is it hard work for? To gambled the value of 25% of 1 bedroom house or 2 year in Uni for our kid.
I know I am so angry now so posting here to get my head clear.
Thank you for reading.

OP’s posts: |
lifesshort Fri 25-Sep-20 11:54:48

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BaskingMad Fri 25-Sep-20 12:21:36

What a knob end...
Re lawyer fees i was quotes around £1700 for uncomplicated divorce. My initial appointment was £120 with VAT and any subsequent ones if i wish to have are around £210. I only intend to use lawyer to draw up consent order so that’s around £600 with perhaps some extra if needed.
Hope this helps.

PicaK Mon 28-Sep-20 12:33:20

I am so sorry you are in this horrible position flowers
That said - go rant and rave at your friends.
I can offer cold hard logic.
You are married. Debts and assets belong to you both no matter whose name they are in.
Look at wikivorce and the Gov website.
You'll need to agree what is fair.
Apply now for divorce - it will cost you £550 to do online and you can do it for unreasonable behaviour. (Then you can have evidence of separation before he starts racking up more debt!)
There's nothing to stop you asking banks what mortgage they would lend you based on your salary.
Think about children. How will care be split. If 50/50 he won't pay maintenance. Even if he does mortgage companies usually don't count it.
Go to a solicitor when you've read up so make good use of the time.

missha20 Mon 28-Sep-20 18:35:19

Picak - no his credit card debt is only his debt as we dont have joint bank account and both current and credit cards on individual names. I know it for a fact as his bad credit rating had no effect on mine. Sure enough to say that still creditors can apply for his share of the assets he holds aka house and content. Talked to the bank already as there is no problem for me to be a sole lender with my salary and % of equity left to pay. Booked an appointment with a solicitor to clarify the house options, however found out that I could a part of his private pension for 10 years of marriage (but the same for mine as well -it is just not private minimum)

OP’s posts: |
Sak2020 Mon 28-Sep-20 19:42:00

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