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I can't believe what I just went through

(8 Posts)
singlemumagain Sun 20-Sep-20 18:26:12

I just feel I need to let it all out somewhere it's been 6 months since I left him but I'm still in shock.
Dh was a loving supportive partner, really cared about me and my feelings, but then about 2 years ago he had a heart attack at 49, I didn't know he was having a heart attack at the time he didn't seem that bad, but eventually when his pain didn't seem to get better I called an ambulance, I mean he walked into the ambulance he looked well but it turned out to be quite a significant heart attack he had a stent put in and his heart was quite significantly damaged.
I noticed a difference with him quite soon, he was a different person, he went into a depression which I could understand he had health problems and he even lost his hearing in one ear which they think was related to the heart attack. I really tried to support him, talking to him when he felt down, going to all the hospital appts with him, researched into nutrition and cooked fresh food. But he said I wasn't being supportive enough when I asked why he said because I wasn't giving him enough sex, and he became really angry infact he was always really angry and depressed. There was always issues with his teenage daughters and his ex wife and they started to try and cause trouble and they seemed to be jealous of me being around their dad! He started to push me around and drive off and drink somewhere were no one could find him. I used to drive round for hours looking for him but never found him. Police were involved sometimes, I took him to the drs incase it was the medication effecting him but there wasn't really any help there. Things got worse and he became more and more abusive, his daughters became more and more difficult and in the end all I did was cry. It didn't make any difference my feelings were unimportant to any of them. I have no idea what I did to any of them to be treated the way I was. I have teenage children and the 3 of us were pushed away and told to get out several times. We stayed in hotels, at friends, apartments no one cared or asked if we were ok. Dh would want me back beg me back and then literally 10 minutes later he would say it didn't feel right and he wanted me out again, he would change past events to make me look the bad person of course his family would believe him. I heard some of these stories and just couldn't believe what he was saying. Then he would say I had to have sex with him to make him feel better. I would resist but he pretty much forced me. I felt completely violated and emotionally drained. His mum turned on me due to things he was saying everyone was firing at me. I had councilling to try and make sense of it.
I used to love him so much we did so much together we laughed together we supported each other through so much and this heart attack changed him so much.
I had to get out in the end and I did I rented a house I live in now, the house we lived in is being sold, I am moving forward with my life but wow I just can't believe how cold he is, he laughed when I moved out, he ridiculed me when I was in tears and put me down in front of his daughters. He shouted at me and seemed to blame me for anything bad in his life and all the good memories just completely seemed to be whipped from his mind. I've never seen this happen before to someone. Has anyone heard of this happening after a illness or heart issue. I thought I would be with him forever, I thought I knew him. How can someone change so much. I honestly tried why can't he or his family see that. I'm so glad I have my lovely children we are a team now!

OP’s posts: |
LadySeaThing Sun 20-Sep-20 18:35:42

Wow OP that sounds really, really awful. No wonder you/re feeling so confused and shocked, you've been through some horrible things flowers

I haven't heard of this happening to anyone, and it sounds like it could just be impossible to explain or get to the bottom of. But you did the right thing. Whatever the reason is, you don't have to be treated like that and you are better off out of it.

Do you think maybe more counselling might help just to help you sort it all out and put it behind you?

singlemumagain Sun 20-Sep-20 18:51:43

I did see a lovely lady councillor, I cried a lot and with her help I decided the best thing was to move out, I tried talking to him before that but it made no difference and she said for my own mental health and my children I needed to get out and see if things could be sorted living apart but it just couldn't everything even before I was in his life was my fault. I tried to explain he was being unreasonable but he couldn't see it. His daughters said they didn't want to live there if I was there, to this day I don't know why never got to the bottom of that so I think he thought if he got rid of me they would stay with him. Of course they haven't they still went to live with their mum, but it's still my fault. He's in his own now still drinking a lot in complete denial about the whole thing. I'm not sure councilling would help me anymore I just need to heal but the whole thing has knocked my confidence how could I of been hated so much. My friends and family have been great, they know me they know I'm not this monster but still how do you ever trust someone again

OP’s posts: |
LadySeaThing Sun 20-Sep-20 19:10:26

I think you have to see it as his issue - whether something to do with his health actually changed his personality, or it’s psychological and some kind of aggressive reaction to him feeling weak, or whatever. It doesn’t have to be anything you did, it’s not something you deserve, or can explain because it’s just not reasonable. And e doing ok and have your kids, family and friends while he’s drinking and in denial - that tells you what you need to know. Try not focus on him or worry about what he’s up to. it’s not your problem.

singlemumagain Sun 20-Sep-20 19:58:15

Thanks @LadySeaThing xxx

OP’s posts: |
lunalulu Tue 22-Sep-20 05:00:27

Well all I can say is ....... how fantastic you are away from this and have your life back.

People can change weirdly after a huge health event like this. And clearly none of it is your fault. He's got plenty of people round him. So ... just let it all go. A bad dream. Gone.

Louisa7747 Sun 27-Sep-20 09:32:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Louisa7747 Sun 27-Sep-20 09:36:55

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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