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Contact patterns - and other basics(11 Posts)
I'm sure this should be easily google-able, but I'm not finding the answer.
What are usual patterns of contact? I know about the classic one day a week plus every other weekend. If a bit more contact was wanted from the other person, how does that usually look? I appreciate there are lots of possible permutations, but just wondered which are common ones as a starting point.
Also, is there somewhere I could find this out myself? A good website with lots of articles?
Arrangements could be 4 days with each parent on a rota so that each adult gets weekends etc. Or two overnights per week, either separate (tue and thu) or together (tue and wed). The important thing is that it meets the needs of the children. It depends on so many variables eg clubs, working patterns, proximity
That makes sense.
Children are school age, clubs all off now, but scattered through week.
One parent works 9-5 mon to fri, other self employed. Presume other parent will stay local.
It’s so dependent on your own set of circumstances
Could be 2:2:1, 7:7, 5:2 alternating
Depends on ages if children, how far apart parents live, can both equally do pick up a/ drop offs to school etc, can both take to clubs and outside activities etc
Generally find that as children get older they want one base but with flexibility to accommodate friends and social lives
There isn't a one size fits all. So it will be what works for you all.
Will the other parent be available to school pick up take the children. To clubs? Can they consistently finish on time and be available.
My ex tried the one night in the week but let the kids down 9 times out of ten due to 'work'. His eow also went from a Friday afternoon pick up to. A Saturday morning because he kept getting later and later.
He isnt reliable enough for a school pick up or to get the kids to their activities. So he has eow weekend sat am to Sunday tea times and that usually gets changed in some way.
I do Thursday am - Monday am every fortnight. i reduced the handovers to minimise contact with an abusive ex.
Thanks everyone, that's really helpful.
We do 2-2-5-5 so parent 1 Monday and Tuesday overnight, parent 2 Wednesday and Thursday then Friday through to Monday morning for school alternating (making the 5 nights when the pattern gets going). DSD is of primary age and this works for us. House where she sleeps/wakes up is responsible for ensuring all homework for the day is done and she has everything she needs.
Also with 2-2-5-5 there's only 8 handovers a year with DSD mum and DP as school constitutes as the handover except summer holidays which are a week each and Christmas break. DSD mum unfortunately is abusive verbally to DP or me at drop offs when at her house so the court confirmed this is a mutual location on the 8 handovers (the Nans) and communication via a communication book. Stops all the tit for tat and everyone is a lot happier
We do 3/4 and switch Sundays as easy day to get everything together.
We allocated days based on which parent already took / picked up from the clubs as it's pretty much every night - that way the kids saw least change - it did help that we pretty much did 50/50 already when together.
Also clubs are great for handover as bags required anyway / we have only one small bag with essentials (children's sole teddy bear) that we couldn't duplicate.
We are also flexible but amicable which helps
How old are your kids? it may be good for them to see what makes sense - my eldest actually set the logic of ours.
We do 12/2, with the DC at exH EOW from Friday to Sunday night. It is more parenting that be did before, but still keeps things constant for the children as much as possible.
I think keeping things stable for the children is the most important thing, and looking at who is around band best able to meet their needs. In our case, exH isn't reliable enough with timekeeping to do school drop off, and he's too far away from school (his choice) for DC to travel independently.
My DC are at primary (younger 2 - can walk to school alone) and early secondary but with additional needs including needing supervision when out and about (can only manage safe snd short journeys alone).
It's hard to generalise. If my oldest DC didn't have SEN then they would all probably spend more time with their Dad.
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