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Advice - Have Sent Separation Letter Things are Deteriorating Fast!(3 Posts)
Have posted a few things re my forthcoming separation.
A few years back I got into debt basically buying stuff for the kids not for me. When OH found out he went mental, took my bankcard, credit cards, made me complete a spreadsheet of my spending and a weekly meal planner. He also made me give up my part time job to get a full time one. The guilt and his reaction spiraled me into a massive depression where when not working I spent my time in bed. I wanted to die. I know it was wrong but his reaction was off the scale. If it had been the other way round I would have tried to sort the situation out.
Anyway things have been very shaky - I went through several jobs before settling in the one I have now.
We have a recovering addict son who lives at home and I have probably wrongly defended him when his father wanted to chuck him out - this would certainly have lead to very bad things for him.
Anyway he thinks its me and my son versus him and we agreed to separate. I sent a lawyer letter to him two weeks ago.
We had a fight yesterday and boy the resentment came through. Said I should leave with my son and I am only living here down to his "goodwill." I cant afford to do that right now. He then said he would leave and not pay the mortgage. He said my depression was due to my son's addiction but it was his reaction to my debt that caused it. We also have a daughter who is an absolute star.
Then it came out that he basically resented me working part time even though it allowed me to be there every day for school drop/pick up, all school functions, parents meetings. I did all the housework, he came home to a cooked dinner every night. I took care of Christmas, birthday sleepovers, Halloween etc. My kids said they had an idyllic childhood according to him good parenting isn't about "paddling pools" and he said I wasn't a good mother! Said I had an easy life while he worked full time I am gobsmacked and totally fuming at this revelation which he has obvs felt for years.
He has been constantly going into moods during her marriage where he would not speak for days. He has been verbally abusive to myself and my son I have been called all sorts of names when I was depressed. I was suicidal. I am getting support from a local womens support group.
Sorry for the rant but can he leave and not pay? He is using that lawyer letter to punish me now.
Thanks for Reading
If he genuinely isn’t going to pay the mortgage, you need to talk to the mortgage company. Hopefully they’ll let you come to an arrangement whereby you pay the interest only for a period of time, while you sort out what you’re actually going to do with the house. That stops you going into arrears. I’ve found mortgage companies are generally very understanding, as long as they can see you’re trying to resolve the situation (ie going to court).
If you’re not sure if he’ll pay or not, watch your mortgage account like a hawk, and if he doesn’t pay on the day it’s due, call your mortgage company.
In the meantime you’ll need to see a solicitor about financial proceedings and get those started.
Thanks for the reply. I am speaking to my lawyer tomorrow . It's a horrible situation to be in
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