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When daughter finds out her dad (my husband) cheated.

(9 Posts)
BlackTulip71 Sat 22-Aug-20 18:51:35

In an unfortunate discovery, daughter was finding a photo from 2014 on my phone and she found some screen shots relating to conversations between myself and husband (her dad) about his cheating/affair.

Anyone of experience of this. Daughter was upset and mostly offer support to me that I had to suffer this. We separated last year and have been living apart since February.

Just wondering on how she will process this, her feelings towards her dad etc. I feel awful that she found out.

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millymollymoomoo Sat 22-Aug-20 18:56:57

How old is she ?

Gardenerboo Sat 22-Aug-20 18:57:46

My Dad had a number of affairs, 1 resulted in a child.
My parents are still together.
At the time (I was 14), I didn’t understand why my Mum stayed, I didn’t speak to my Dad for many weeks.
Weirdly, it taught me that life is 1 big grey area and even our parents aren’t perfect, an interesting but useful discovery in my early teens.
I am very close to both of my parents now.
Not sure what I’m trying to say other than for me, at the time it was very hard but it quickly improved and things are fine now.
It sounds like your DD is lovely, offering you support and being able to talk things through with you, that’s great!

BlackTulip71 Sat 22-Aug-20 19:11:30

Forgot to say she’s almost 14

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BlackTulip71 Sat 22-Aug-20 19:11:47

Almost 14

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BlackTulip71 Sat 22-Aug-20 19:16:01

Thanks @Gardenerboo she is a lovely girl. She had been doing really well throughout our break up. Same for her slightly younger sister. She gets funny if she hears us arguing but now we are living apart things are so much better.

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Otter71 Sat 22-Aug-20 22:49:47

Everyone is different. My ex reckoned I had an affair and my son totally believed it despite being untrue and believed lots of other stuff that was crap too like that his dad had told him he could just have my share of the then almost paid for house. He barely speaks to me and if he does isn't polite. My daughter is just focus on how both parents are happier apart. Just go with the flow and be as honest as you can.

BlackTulip71 Sun 23-Aug-20 13:12:47

Thanks @Otter71 I agree honesty is best. I didn't really want my girls to find out this about their father. But truthfully, I didn't want them blaming me either for forcing him out. He has been quite vocal to them that he is the victim who's been forced out of his home.

Will see how it pans out. Luckily she saw in the message that she read, that despite me calling him a lying cheating **, I also went on to say that i will be forever grateful for my children.

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millymollymoomoo Sun 23-Aug-20 18:53:27

I do agree honesty is best but in a way that does t mean she hates her dad
At this age she should be able to start understanding that adult relationships go wrong, that adults are not perfect and while not condoning his behaviour in any way can be communicated along the lines of, dad messed up, he’s not proud of it, but he’s still your dad. That your marriage is between you and her dad and she shouldn’t involved. That it’s ok for her to still have a relationship with him, that you acknowledge how hurt you are/were but it’s not her job to support you.

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