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Being spoken to coldly

(11 Posts)
Soblueithurts Tue 18-Aug-20 10:03:58

Me and my boyfriend have pretty much agreed to split and I’ve left our shared house and staying with my mum currently. I don’t mean to sound melodramatic but I am having suicidal thoughts all the time just because the process of breaking up seems like it will be so drawn out and painful, we have a mortgage together so it’s not just a case of moving out and moving on. I have text him a few times and his tone is very cold and cutting and I am finding it difficult to deal with that the one person who would always be supportive of me and lift me up when down speaking to me in this tone - not ‘rude’ just totally detached. I obviously understand why but I am going to really struggle. I guess this is why people go no contact, because it’s just painful.

OP’s posts: |
mybonesache Tue 18-Aug-20 10:08:07

Give yourself a few weeks before you talk or make any decisions. Things will get easier and you will be happier in the long run. Habits are hard to change even if there is no love left.

Sayitagainwhydontyou Tue 18-Aug-20 10:10:10

I wouldn't be texting him if i were you. Leave it alone completely for a month or two at least, and then sort out the mortgage etc.

Sayitagainwhydontyou Tue 18-Aug-20 10:10:45

And please contact your GP ASAP about the suicidal thoughts. There is help available to you.

Soblueithurts Tue 18-Aug-20 10:14:42

Thank you yes I will contact them. Unfortunately my mum lives in another city (as does my dad) and I can’t really stay with either of them long term due to work. I need to go back to the house on the weekend to discuss whether we will sell or he will buy me out or whatever. I’m just dreading it, I feel like I just want to be sedated.

OP’s posts: |
Brom29 Tue 18-Aug-20 10:18:16

Hello smile
My ex was the same with me when we broke up. Months later when we met, he told me he had to be cold and he was struggling. I think it’s a coping mechanism. We had a mortgage too and he bought me out.
It’s hard and a year on I still struggle. He’s finally gone public with his girlfriend of 10 months and deleted all trace of our 6 years. I have suicidal thoughts too, but then I think it’s so stupid to do that over someone who can be like him x

LottieX Tue 18-Aug-20 10:19:24

@Soblueithurts Please talk to your GP, they will see you quickly if you're having negative thoughts.

I had the same happen to me almost 3 years ago out of the blue, it does get easier and you will move on but it takes time. Be kind to yourself and know you are worthy thanks

Soblueithurts Tue 18-Aug-20 10:21:15

@Brom29 thank you for replying to me and sorry you’ve been through this too x how do you cope knowing the new girlfriend in the house you bought together? we have pets too and the thought of a random girl sitting on my sofa with my cats is just too much. I have deleted all social media though and I think I’d rather go completely no contact and know nothing.

OP’s posts: |
Brom29 Tue 18-Aug-20 10:49:22

Honestly, I felt so upset as I saw my first picture a few days ago. In my old garden, him kissing her and looking so happy with their arms around eachother, it was at his mums birthday bbq. It’s heartbroken as he the same day removed everything from the previous 6 years of me and him online so I just don’t exist.

I’ve known about her since November, I’ve asked him about her and he just ghosted me and would then get in touch or say it didn’t matter who she was and I’d never find out. They’ve been on holiday abroad and she also lives in the UAE and him in London, so they’ve done well to hold it down 10 months. I should feel lucky I didn’t see the pictures a few weeks after we broke up of them on holiday abroad together.

I know I’ll be ok, like you will smile. Mine is more how he’s said stuff to me since we split about him never wanting to remove anything, how I’m his happiest years etc and then he has. But I also see it from her point of view I’m his ex fiancée I wouldn’t want any trace of me either!.

I want him to be happy I also want him to fall on his arse😂

Soblueithurts Tue 18-Aug-20 10:58:50

@Brom29 haha I really can imagine the feeling!! Wanting someone to be happy theoretically, yes, but wanting to punch a hole in the computer at the sight of them actually BEING happy with someone else. It’s just so hard, I honestly feel like a raw ball of nerves and emotion and just overwhelming dread at the thought of returning on the weekend to try and pick up the pieces of it all. I moved to my current city because it’s where he’s from and now I feel as though I have no right to be in the city which I know is ridiculous but still. I feel I have to avoid huge swathes of the city due to the connotations.

OP’s posts: |
Brom29 Tue 18-Aug-20 11:30:59

@Soblueithurts I moved to where I live too for my ex. I’m a year on and it still hurts x but you’ll be ok smile we both will x

Time and space is key, I bombarded my ex which was a major error

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