Separated in Feb - struggling now with anxiety after being fine

[FlouryBap]

Hello all, I am hoping i can find people who recognise my situation and give me a bit of advice. My husband and I separated in Feb after two difficult years. I raised that I thought things weren’t working and he ignored it until it was too late and counselling was a waste of time. communication was awful during this time. He is very closed. I was euphoric when we separated - he moved out. I am in family home with our 3 DDs. I felt strong and able to cope with moving forward, supporting them and sorting out our house (which is a job in itself) and finances.

However, lockdown took the wind out of my sails in moving forward with that. I was fine, but for the last three months or so I have been suffering from terrible anxiety and feel incapable and not up to doing this. After agreeing to try to get on for the kids, my ex and I can barely manage to talk to each other. Some of that is with me, I am very angry with him about some behaviour i found out after we split (coming onto friends) that I can’t tell him about and I don’t think there is any advantage on telling him about. He is very passive and is happy in his new easy to manage flat and doesn’t make any efforts to make things better.

I am so frustrated with myself that I am not moving forward. I wake up every morning sick with fear and worry about everything (most of it is not rational). I took the kids on a unsuccessful camping trip and we came back early and I have been crying on and off in front of them. I am getting counselling, but I am so confused at my own reaction.

Can someone please tell me this is normal and will pass and I will be a functioning adult again?

[QueenBee42]

Hi @Flourybap all the feelings you describe are very normal in the situation you find yourself in. Please try and not be hard on yourself, kids should see us as real humans, showing emotions, making mistakes otherwise they get a false sense of what adult life is like. I'm going through something very similar, went to solicitor last July, whole year later and we are no further forward, my husband using the kids as a way of getting to me. He now wants 50/50 custody, this is from a guy who changed very few nappies, bottles, play dates, nursery and school runs. The kids feel torn, he has made them feel sorry for him etc, now what's to be dad of the year as we agree financials, funny that ! You will have your bad days but keep going. We will both have a brighter future without these man that just made us feel bad about ourselves. Big hugs

[FlouryBap]

Hi @QueenBee42 thank you for replying. As I wrote this all down it helped me see what a common story it is. You are right - thing will be better and I do not regret the split at all and have to hold onto that. I do rationally know that i need to take it one day at a time and not be too hard on myself etc but I find that hard as I am impatient. I am sorry your husband is using the kids. You have laid the groundwork for his father of the year act - which is so annoying! Thanks for your empathy and I hope things resolve themselves for you xx

[QueenBee42]

@FlouryBap it does so help to write things down or talk it through with a friend. I found Health in Mind a useful website. I went to my GP in early 2019 and he enrolled me on a CBT course which also help a lot. Keep looking for the positives xx