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He left me for someone else

(19 Posts)
PurpleStarz Fri 10-Jul-20 20:42:42

2 weeks ago my husband of 5 years (together 11) left me for someone else.. he packed a bag and left me at 32 weeks pregnant with our 18 month old son and his 16 yr old son from his previous relationship.
I assume he went to her, I don't know but he come back 3 days later and told me I needed to leave the house. I didn't have the energy to fight with him so I packed me and my son a bag and went to my mum's. However I've since reflected and decided that he isn't forcing me out of my home, it's my sons home, everything I need for him and my new baby is there so I went back and told him I won't be going anywhere. I can't afford to fend for myself on maternity leave and so I'll be remaining in the family home until I return to work and I'm able to sell the house and buy one for myself.
He said he'll leave and won't pay the mortgage; I said that's fine, he stands to loose much more than me as his business is tied to our house. He has no support network whatsoever whereas I do so basically he supports me until I'm able to do so myself or we both loose everything.

Am I being completely unreasonable?? I could live with my mum but why should I just leave my home when he's chose to leave me?! I can't pay the bills on mat leave, but why should he just walk out on his responsibilities and live the single life?? I don't care how involved he is in our children's lives when I'm back at work; but until I'm able to do that I think it's his responsibility to support me. Am I just being a bitch??

OP’s posts: |
RedRumTheHorse Fri 10-Jul-20 20:47:15

Who is looking after the two children including his 16 year old now?

RedDiamond Fri 10-Jul-20 20:47:25

No you are not a bitch flowers I am glad you are able to, if you need to again, go to your Mum's.

Sit tight, let things carry on. If he does not pay the bills, then wait and see what happens and ride it out. Eviction, if ever on the cards, comes with a lot of notice and you can always go to your Mum's if that happens.

His credit score will be wrecked if does not pay the mortgage.

PurpleStarz Fri 10-Jul-20 20:53:56

Things are kind of as normal.. his son is very self sufficient.. he has a job and has worked a lot during lock down.. he tends to make his own food as he often works till 9/10. I usually take him to work and he picks him up.
He does a lot with our son when he's home.. he tends to come home, feed our son and bathe him and then goes out when he's gone to bed until he picks his son up. Sometimes he doesn't come home at all until late.

OP’s posts: |
forrandomposts Fri 10-Jul-20 20:57:37

Is it a joint house? Who is on the mortgage and deeds?

PurpleStarz Fri 10-Jul-20 21:02:07

Both on the mortgage. We brought the house together.. neither of us put money into it, my parents gifted us a generous deposit.

OP’s posts: |
truffl Fri 10-Jul-20 21:04:58

I felt so sad reading the post OP. I hope karma gets him leaving you at 32 weeks pregnant and with an 18MO. I hope you don't stress enough to go into early labour thanks

back2good Fri 10-Jul-20 21:16:00

Stay in the house. You're right. Why should you and your son and impending baby be dislodged from your home because he decided to cheat and wants out of the marrige.

I hope you can ringfence your parent's deposit money when you go to sell the house and split any remaining equity.

youhave4substitutes Fri 10-Jul-20 21:20:29

Are you a low earner? If so and he's gone then can't you claim benefits to top up your pay? He will also need to pay for the 2 kids living with you won't he including any child benefit/maintenance etc. with regards to his older son.

Don't move out. You must be in shock, he's a total wanker.

Lifeisabeach09 Fri 10-Jul-20 21:24:57

What a bastard!
You did the right thing moving back in. As PP have said, ringfence your parents deposit if possible.
Once he is out, apply for UC to help with bills.

PurpleStarz Fri 10-Jul-20 21:54:18

I'm not a low earner, I'll be able to provide for myself and my children when I go back to work but obviously I cant afford a mortgage and to live on maternity pay and I highly doubt I'd be entitled to any benefit as their is quite abit of equity in the house and I'm sure that goes against you in terms of benefits doesn't it?
I'd like to buy him out ideally and stay in my home which is why I have gone back.

OP’s posts: |
millymollymoomoo Fri 10-Jul-20 21:59:54

I don’t think you’re in the wrong but can he actually afford to pay the mortgage and live elsewhere ?
You may find you have to live together until divorce and settlement agreed

Hanab Fri 10-Jul-20 22:03:59

Kudos to you for moving back! I am pretty sure he is shook with that bold move of yours! Bravo!!
I have nothing else to say that has not been said already apart from take care of yourself .. pregnancy is no joke coupled together with a prick and a toddler! (Ss is self sufficient)

RandomMess Fri 10-Jul-20 22:04:39

Of course you aren't in the wrong both DC need a home as do you...

He sounds like a bully sad

PurpleStarz Fri 10-Jul-20 22:06:11

I don't expect him to move out.. I'd rather be did but well aware I cannot force that and expect him to pay our bills and bills on a house for himself. So it's his choice to stay or go.. he has friends he could stay with if he's really desperate to get away from me.. or he can grow up and accept we are where we are for now and remain here. X

OP’s posts: |
hustler2020 Sun 12-Jul-20 10:00:09

phone mortgage company see if you can arrange payment plan until you go back to work then change locks & kick him out!!

oldstudentmum Mon 13-Jul-20 06:44:09

Apply for benefits today. I do hope your parents gift was ring fenced. Equity doesn’t affect benefits only savings over 16k. You may get help with mortgage payments just interest I believe (this used to be the case) go to a website “entitled to “ . As all the mn ladies will say get your ducks in a row. Do not do anything for him - this is important to be classed as separated no washing cooking etc. Let him leave what a twat he is. It’s early days for you take your time to process don’t do anything hasty, don’t move out you are legally entitled to stay in the home you own. He is a selfish entitled a hole you’re 32 weeks pregnant. Xx

BillywilliamV Mon 13-Jul-20 06:50:23

On the upside, the other woman has got herself a real catch, hasn't she ....?

Happynow001 Mon 13-Jul-20 08:44:00

BillywilliamV

On the upside, the other woman has got herself a real catch, hasn't she ....?


Ah yes. Was he planning on moving the other woman into your home do you think?

Also here is the link www.entitledto.co.uk or
Www.turn2us.org.uk

Good luck OP.

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