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Leaving the family home

(5 Posts)
lostabutton Wed 01-Jul-20 09:10:12

What are the implications of this?

It's intolerable currently, and the divorce process is just starting. DH won't go. I could move out, and claim benefits to increase my income (I've looked into it). We have a 4 year old and a 6 year old. But will there be implications to this decision?

OP’s posts: |
Otter71 Wed 01-Jul-20 11:51:35

Probably depends on a lot of things not least of which whether he just wants the home or the kids too and whether you can afford it and how much of an arse he intends to be. I left the family home but was pretty much forced out (bags packed and locks changed for me) and the net result has been very little contact with either DC though they are teens so get to choose. Good luck.

Lisajp749 Wed 01-Jul-20 12:32:19

Do you own the home? When you say the situation is intolerable, is it abusive in any way? Mentally or emotionally or financially, not just physical.

I left, like the second poster, I was forced out. There were strong elements of abuse and I never realised Until I just broke down one day and someone said it to me. I’ve been homeless a year now. Sofa surfing and flitting between my parents and friends just to be able to see my daughter. Unfortunate position of a low paid job and needing to own a car etc.

Don’t leave, it was the worst thing I did. I’m hopefully waiting to hear today if I can get a house from the local authority. It will have been 1year and 2 months since I was told to go, and I’ve had to watch my ‘husband’ lord it over me. Take money off me, call me a terrible mum. I compete daily with him throwing money at our child and I have nothing.

There is very little help out there. You have to be established in a home with the children before you can claim the benefits, which take weeks. By that time, in my case, my husband had told everyone I’d run off and left my daughter and I wasn’t entitled to anything.

Anyway, it’s a real down in the dumps post and I am sorry, but unless you’ve enough money to stabilise yourself before you leave, to set up a home and manage for a couple of months before needing benefits, don’t do it. The torture of having no money and no idea how or where you’re sleeping at night or eating, is way worse than some disgruntled ex. Stay where you are and get what you’re entitled to.

LemonTT Wed 01-Jul-20 14:52:09

As other pp have said it depends on a lot of things.

An immediate issue is can you afford a separate property. You are going to be in this property for a while. Maybe 2-3 years. It’s going to need to be somewhere suitable. Moving costs money and you only want to do it once.

Will your ex take over the payments on the current property? If your name is on a mortgage, then your lender is going to pursue you if your ex defaults. You are going to need agreement on who pays until the assets are split and recognition that he is occupying your share of the home. The later point puts in place an understanding that your share of the property does not change because he is paying the whole mortgage.

The other issue centres on whether he will be able to use occupancy as leverage in divorce settlement negotiations. Because he controls the asset which is also a home, he can stretch out agreement on a settlement at your expense. Often the spouse who leaves becomes eager of not desperate to get the house sold.

Yellowshirt Wed 01-Jul-20 21:12:04

@Lisajp749 I am totally in agreement with you. I'm in a similar position. I was forced out by my abusive ex wife and since moving out the lack of support is unbelievable.
My ex would push me off a cliff if she could.

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