Advanced search

Abusive Ex won't divorce

(10 Posts)
equuscaballus Thu 18-Jun-20 23:22:56

I'm wondering if anyone can help.

I left my abusive (and reclusive) professionally unemployed, penniless ex almost 10 years ago and I've tried to divorce him twice unsuccessfully.

The first time was immediately upon me leaving he started proceedings (he was after my savings) only to drop them his solicitors discovered he'd lied to them about his finances and claimed legal aid.
This cost me 1K in fees.

The second time was after 2 years separation and I tracked him down via facebook and he agreed a no-fault divorce.
I tried to do DIY divorce and spent about £400 - at which point he blocked me and did nothing with his paperwork.

Now I can't find him online and he lives? lived at the opposite end of the country to me.

I desperately want a divorce but if he can play his games he will do so out of spite forever.

I hate the fact he can hold this over me!

OP’s posts: |
nancybotwinbloom Thu 18-Jun-20 23:32:02

Just divorce him on grounds of desertion he can't contest that

nancybotwinbloom Thu 18-Jun-20 23:33:28

equuscaballus Thu 18-Jun-20 23:35:35


Even if I left him?

OP’s posts: |
equuscaballus Thu 18-Jun-20 23:36:01

Ps Thanks i'll look into it now

OP’s posts: |
equuscaballus Thu 18-Jun-20 23:42:42

The thing is I am sure I could track down someone who would give me his address but then i'd be back to square one as he'd never agree to sign.
If I had to pay for someone to Serve papers then they could be trying for days as he didn't like to leave the house for days at a time!

OP’s posts: |
Familylawsolicitor Fri 19-Jun-20 06:15:11

You just need to prove he has received the papers, he doesn’t need to sign anything.
Get a copy of the papers from the court for personal service.
Instruct a private process server to serve the papers, they will often do a no find no fee service. If they can locate him, putting it though door or handing it to him outside work will be fine. If after a further 14 days he still hasn’t filed his acknowledgement of service form with the court then you can apply for deemed service with a copy of the process server’s statement.

That will allow you to apply for decree nisi without him having signed anything.

This article explains

If he has ever said anything to you on text or social media or email such as “I’m putting the divorce papers in the bin” you can use that as evidence of service, prepare a statement with a copy exhibited.

You can apply for the court to dispense with service if you have tried absolutely all methods of locating and failed but that’s much harder to do.

Familylawsolicitor Fri 19-Jun-20 06:18:37

Speak to process server about what they’ll do if he won’t leave house. I’ve had process servers ring doorbells and peer over fences and in windows, if they can see someone matching his description through a window or he opens door and closes it in their face, as long as he matches description / photo you have provided they can put through door and that’s usually sufficient for the court.

I should also say you can instruct court bailiff which is much cheaper but it takes months and they will often just return saying unable to serve. It’s worth getting some quotes and paying for a process server. It’s not extortionate money.

equuscaballus Fri 19-Jun-20 11:59:44

Thank you @Familylawsolicitor I have been picturing a process server hanging around day after day racking up the bill.
Any pictures I could get hold of would be very out of date.

OP’s posts: |
GreenTulips Fri 19-Jun-20 12:09:52

They often charge a set fee rather than a per hour

Like others said if he has acknowledged the papers you can still divorce him

Join the discussion

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet

Already have a Mumsnet account? Log in