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Can I truly be happier single?

(14 Posts)
hp1990 Thu 18-Jun-20 10:54:01

So, after a good two years of being unhappy in my marriage I've decided to separate from my husband. He's left and I feel so relieved, don't miss him at all. For context it has only been two weeks so far. I feel like I've let my kids down as they love their dad so much but I just couldn't be in an unhappy marriage anymore.
My stbxh isn't an awful man but some of his behaviour over the whole course of our relationship has been awful and it slowly eroded away my feelings for him till their was nothing let but disgust. As I'm writing this I know I'm making the right decision but there is still this underlying fear of 'am I making the wrong decision'
The only downsides I can see to ending our relationship is 1) my kids won't get to live with their dad full time anymore 2) I will be a lot worse off financially... but I will be FREE!! He turned into a complete sex pest and would sulk terribly if he didn't get his own way and the thought of not having to deal with those pressures anymore is amazing.

I guess I just want a bit of a handhold and to know if any of you ended your marriage and truly don't regret it and were happier single?

OP’s posts: |
bronzedgodesswannabe Thu 18-Jun-20 10:57:31

You never have to have sex with him again
You never have to deal with him sulking because you haven't had sex with him

That should be enough wink

Relief.. just pure relief

Yesterdayforgotten Thu 18-Jun-20 11:01:50

OP I didn't want to read and run and just wanted to say you have done the very best thing for children. My parents should have gotten divorced but instead stayed together for years in an unhappy marriage. I would have much rather had had two happy divorced parents than two unhappy ones together bickering constantly and then having no relationship at all but living in the same house hmm
You have done the right thing and your dc will be better off in the long run for it. flowers

Yesterdayforgotten Thu 18-Jun-20 11:02:06

for your*

hp1990 Thu 18-Jun-20 11:17:16

@Yesterdayforgotten thank you, I really needed to hear that smile

@bronzedgodesswannabe the thought of never having to deal with either of those things again is my driving force! Utter bliss!

OP’s posts: |
Whosthenanny Tue 23-Jun-20 23:49:40

Trust yourself. If it feels good it is good! Do it. I just secured a house (rental) for myself and the kids and am on benefits for the first time in my life. But I am so excited and stunned I have come this far. Its hard. Find a good friend. You'll be fine x

iamthrough Wed 24-Jun-20 08:56:33

Just wanted to say - I could of written your post, down to the exact issues in 2017.
I'm now divorced, I've been living in my own place for over a year and things couldn't be better. Yes I have less money but you will learn to manage with whatever you have. Your children will adapt. I honestly haven't missed my ex for a moment.
Also - after feeling I was "dead from the waist down" for years I've actually started dating again and its wonderful - this will seem like a preposterous suggestion to you right now - but trust me - you will get here too. Good Luck.

megrichardson Wed 24-Jun-20 09:01:39

It is really, really hard to end a marriage and when I ended mine for similar reasons to yours OP (amongst other reasons) it felt very difficult for a while. But I also had a deep joy in my heart that I'd managed to escape! It is wonderful to be free of all the crap and a much better life awaits you.
Good luck, and as others have said, you will get to a better place.

hp1990 Wed 24-Jun-20 17:16:50

Thank you so much for the encouragement, I've had some up and down days so far. Just need to persevere and remember all the reasons I did this.

OP’s posts: |
JustOneLastThing Thu 02-Jul-20 19:50:48

It gets easier. I'm in a new relationship and feel actually as if I'm living again. Those bits of you that die off in a crappy marriage can actually come back to life again. This time I know that those parts of me I gave up to try and make my ex-h happy were actually important and I won't accept it again. thanks

Whathewhatnow Fri 03-Jul-20 20:45:37

Yes I did. And yes I absolutely am happier. About 100 times happier. He went through a sex peat phase as well. So off-putting. By the end I was reviled by the idea of having sex with him.

As long as you can keep a roof over your head and have essentials, you will be much better off emotionally.

Whathewhatnow Fri 03-Jul-20 20:47:27

Also what JustOneLastThing says. I had a short term relationship post-OP which didnt work out but it did teach me that I had been suppreasing what I actually needed for years and years.

Whathewhatnow Fri 03-Jul-20 20:47:57

Post-ex not post op!

James35 Tue 07-Jul-20 16:43:03

Hi i just read your post.

Im thinking of leaving my marriage of 13 years. Have 3 kids together..

I think i would be happier and better off financially but i dont know how to tell the wife as everytime i try and talk to her she blames everyrhing back on me and then guarantee an arguement happens..

Im fed up of all the bickering i want to live a free and happy life.

Any suggestions on the best way to leave?

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